Discussion Hypothetical question

[Tiredman]

This is purely hypothetical but If you could go back to certain point in your life and change one crucial thing would you still want to ctb?

I honestly was very afraid of death as a child and would often fantasize about immortality in an attempt to deny the fact that I would die one day. Now however, as morbid as it sounds, I can't stop thinking about death because it is the only thing that will bring about an end to my suffering from untreatable chronic pain and illness.

I think however if I had was given the opportunity go back in time to my early childhood and undo one crucial mistake I'd be a much happier person and would be in a totally different predicament I am in now.

 

[millefeui]

Yes. My life was ruined at birth.

 

[Malice1]

No. I could have prevented this from happening had i done things differently.

 

[Tiburcio]

Probably yes. Life is life, even if you change your past.

 

[DF90]

I've wanted to kill myself since elementary, but I felt happiness for several years, 2011 through 2016. I ruined it for myself in 2017 with self destructive behaviors. I think if I changed one thing in 2017 my life would still be okay and I would want to live more.

 

[never getting better]

If I could go back in time everything would be solved.

 

[Life sucks]

I don't want to change anything. Better to die knowing the truth than living a lie.

 

[sadak_the_wanderer]

No, I do not think that I missed just one critical window or event. It wasn't like I fumbled a particular catch and everything would have gone differently. The things that drag me down, they were going to happen no matter what, as far as I can tell. I was always going to have health problems. I was never going to be attractive. I was always going to be alone.

If I could go back or at least pass knowledge to myself, I would have just CtB at an earlier date than what I have planned.

 

[Mess]

what does ctb means please ? i'm a newbie :c

 

[FakeNews]

Catch the bus = euphemism for suicide.

 

[Mess]

Fuck, your username is Fake News, its my username on many other websites so its very disturbing, i was wondering why i answered it to myself xD
ok thanks !

 

[Kira]

I think I'd be fucked either way, so there's no point in changing anything.

 

[FullFat]

Yes. My last depressive episode revealed to me that my life circumstances aren't the problem - it's me.

At the time, I was doing even better than I had expected. My career was soaring, I was easily able to make friends for the first time in my life, and I was even looking forward to finally dating. I had an incredible future ahead of me in terms of the things that I had always wanted. I was successful and capable. I felt like I had a purpose and that I belonged. I naively hoped that I had turned my life around.

Of course, after just a few months, it was back to my usual misery. The utter futility of my efforts finally dawned on me at a celebratory party for a hard-earned success. Distantly, I knew that I was supposed to be enjoying the fine dining and the conversation with people I admired, but all I felt was a profound emptiness. To drag out the overused but useful cliche, it was like all the color had been drained from the world, and all that remained were memories of how it looked in color.

I really can't overstate the despair I felt right then. I had finally been given the chance I had always wished for, and it wasn't enough.


So, I am fundamentally incapable of happiness. There is nothing I can do and no life I could live that would prove otherwise. There are things I regret, sure, but they're not game changing.

 

[Mess]

The problems ruining my life couldnt be solved with a single act, so it wouldn't change my opinion

 

[Tomasnil]

Yea i would change it to not being born

 

[Tiredman]

I wish life had a reset button but sadly we're stuck dealing with the consequences of a life we never intended or asked for. Thank you all for your responses.

 

[Sternum]

Not a sarcastic response, I would like to change my having been born, then I wouldn't have to address this question of going through the miserable experience of preparing to kill myself, and then doing it.

 

[Sternum]

Yes. My last depressive episode revealed to me that my life circumstances aren't the problem - it's me.

At the time, I was doing even better than I had expected. My career was soaring, I was easily able to make friends for the first time in my life, and I was even looking forward to finally dating. I had an incredible future ahead of me in terms of the things that I had always wanted. I was successful and capable. I felt like I had a purpose and that I belonged. I naively hoped that I had turned my life around.

Of course, after just a few months, it was back to my usual misery. The utter futility of my efforts finally dawned on me at a celebratory party for a hard-earned success. Distantly, I knew that I was supposed to be enjoying the fine dining and the conversation with people I admired, but all I felt was a profound emptiness. To drag out the overused but useful cliche, it was like all the color had been drained from the world, and all that remained were memories of how it looked in color.

I really can't overstate the despair I felt right then. I had finally been given the chance I had always wished for, and it wasn't enough.


So, I am fundamentally incapable of happiness. There is nothing I can do and no life I could live that would prove otherwise. There are things I regret, sure, but they're not game changing.

I relate totally to this. Sad.

 

[hemlocked]

There are a few points where I believe a different decision would have made a difference. Spotting the red flags and not marrying the person who abused me for 7 years, for example.

 

[EchoWanderer77]

If i knew that i had OCD and got treated early on, things would have been dramatically different now. I would be living a rich and fulfilling life, a vibrant social life and a successful academic and professional life. I wouldn't even think of ctb. But ever since highschool, im fighting with the devil. And it ate me more and more.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I wouldn't really have the power to change the things that most screwed up my life. My Mum died when I was 3. That was the first really awful thing. I suppose I could go back further and warn her to take better care of herself. Really though- my preference would be to beg her/ both my parents not to have children to begin with.

My life would likely have been better if my Dad hadn't remarried. The consequences for me caused my ideation to begin with. But then, could I actually stop him and deny him his own happiness? I suppose I could have tried refusing to live with them but then, I was 10. I doubt that would have worked.

I've made a few dud decisions in life but, I'm not a big one for regret. I feel like we need to experience things to even know whether they'll work out. I'm at the point where I'm wondering if all decisions would still have landed me in the same (unhappy) place. Most changes I've had a stab at haven't ultimately made things better. I think I'm just sick of life in general really.

 

[Namelesa]

Maybe?? What i would change is never going into a relationship ever or get close to anyone. I was fine being a loner and getting into my first relationship and it ending was the start of my mental health going down again as everything else feels empty without one now. Probably something else bad would happen instead if i avoided that tho.

 

[_Maya]

Yes, the only thing that i could do that wouldn't make me ctb would be to go back in time and stop my birth to begin with.
I've made too many mistakes, just fixing one of them wouldn't be enough

 

[Sweet Tart]

This is such a complex and interesting question. If I had sought treatment for my ED at any point in my adolescence and the treatment was effective, I wonder if my life could have been different.

I've had years of therapy but have always been too scared to seek ED treatment, specifically. There are mixed opinions on how effective it can be, but if I had ever gone after it and it helped change my relationship with my body and food, maybe I would be better able to deal with other stuff, too? For me, there are many ifs & no certainty.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yes I would still want to do my suicide no matter what

I would never want to live or exist under any circumstances

If I could go back in time i would try to prevent some of my ancestors from meeting to reproduce.

But time travel is impossible. the past can't be changed. once a minute , an hour , day a year is gone it's gone forever. all i did was watch youtube social media tv media news. which just made things worse . what i can do is imagine i'm one year in the future 2026 when things are worse and say what could i do if i could travel back to today what would i do would i waste another day as i did all of them watching youtube , social media, news, Tv , media , movies , videos or would i work on my goal or just do it.