Discussion How would you like people to support to you?

[lovedread]

Hello SaSu community,

I was wondering, as mentally ill people in recovery, what would you wish the people around you did to support you? Emotional check-ins? Providing you material support? Emotional support, like giving you a shoulder to cry on? Help you get things done that you don't have the motivation for? What would best support you?

 

[ashendreams]

more than anything i need someone to help me do all the shit i need to do to get my life together. i'd think it's abundantly clear i cant do anything on my own but nobody seems to notice. im absolutely incapable of asking for help though and i'll always pretend everything is fine so i guess nobody even realizes anything is wrong. so in that case the best thing would be for someone to actually notice how miserable i really am and seriously ask me if im okay. then maybe i could ask for help.

 

[monetpompo]

i just want someone to be around me and offer to do things with me. none of my friends reach out to me anymore and i often hardly spend time with anyone. i just want someone to ask me if they want to go along somewhere with them to do chores or somewhere they were planning to go on their own. i feel like no one's wanted to spend time with me since my mental health got worse.

 

[manicstreetbeeper]

listen, validate; offer input if asked, and share their own experiences as well if they'd like to.

 

[Rynalia]

so in that case the best thing would be for someone to actually notice how miserable i really am and seriously ask me if im okay. then maybe i could ask for help.

Ooooh. I feel this one.

I'm so unmotivated to ask for help these days. I basically can't ask for help.

When I try to get help, I get people who try to gaslight me into thinking it's nothing to worry about, don't believe what I say, or people who straight up dismiss anything I have to say.

So I don't say anything and instead hope that someone notices the glowing neon signs of how much suffering I'm going through. It's super obvious. But apparently that's not clear enough for anyone and they just tell me to say it directly and ask for help claiming they won't know otherwise. See above paragraph.

I'd wish someone around me would actually listen and take what I say seriously. I shouldn't have to play 5D chess to receive the support I need.

i just want someone to be around me and offer to do things with me. none of my friends reach out to me anymore and i often hardly spend time with anyone.

This one too, ugh.

I value reciprocative friendships a lot. But I can never seem to find people who do the same.

But sometimes it feels like I'm doing all of the legwork in my friendships. Doing all the inviting (only to get shot down all the time), doing all the coordinating (only for something to fall through), etc. I wish people would value me as a friend as much as I do them.

Then I also just get demotivated and stop taking initiative and just ghost.

Then I get unceremoniously slapped in the face when they suddenly ask why we never hang out or do stuff together. Oh like gee, I wonder? Why do I suddenly matter when it's far too late? Why start now?

I loathe being the convenient friend or last option friend.

--

On the original topic though:

I don't know if it's possible for me to get the support I need honestly. I feel the barriers in order to get what I need are just far too difficult (read: I'm asking for too much).

I don't think anyone around me is willing to put that much time and effort to deal with my layers and layers of problems.

Not only that, but I doubt anyone would be willing to put themselves in a position where they will absolutely get hurt.

So I'm stuck with these shallow relationships with everyone... Where they never actually get to know Ryn in their entirety, whatever that may contain.

The good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between. Every single bit and piece.

 

[ForsakenEcho]

I really appreciate it when my friends can tell that I'm not doing well. I tend to shut myself off from my own feelings, and I usually don't ask for help because I'm afraid of bothering someone or getting in the way of their life.

So when one of them asks how I'm doing, it honestly brings me a lot of relief. Just being able to talk about what's bothering me usually brings me a bit of peace.

 

[ElTopo]

Hello SaSu community,

I was wondering, as mentally ill people in recovery, what would you wish the people around you did to support you? Emotional check-ins? Providing you material support? Emotional support, like giving you a shoulder to cry on? Help you get things done that you don't have the motivation for? What would best support you?

Having someone who can listen is probably the only thing I'd ask, but again not everyone is a good listener, and real care is shown in small, little details I think. In other words a good friend is what supports you, but we live in a time where friendships are shallow I think.

 

[isthisit?]

nothing, its my thing to figure out. The only thing telling them would achieve would be making them worry.

 

[usernamesarehard]

i just want someone to be around me and offer to do things with me. none of my friends reach out to me anymore and i often hardly spend time with anyone. i just want someone to ask me if they want to go along somewhere with them to do chores or somewhere they were planning to go on their own. i feel like no one's wanted to spend time with me since my mental health got worse.

Same. I spent a lot of my childhood locked up inside the house. If I wasn't at school I was at home.

Then I met my ex and he always wanted to go out. I still wanted to stay in because I thought that was just my personality. I thought I was a homebody. Now that he left me and I have to go out on my own if I want to go out, I realized that I'm just too scared to leave. I don't know why, but I just can't leave. I want to leave, I just can't. I didn't really appreciate how he got me outside and I wanted to stay at home with him if we weren't going out to eat or the park. Now all I want is to have him again so I can try new things. I need someone with me to be ok with just leaving the house.

I can't wait to leave this hellscape. I'm so tired.

 

[badkarma4618]

Help you get things done that you don't have the motivation for?

definitely this!! if someone just handed me a glass of water in the morning so i could take my meds, i swear like 99% of my days would instantly be better. the whole process of getting out of bed, opening the pill bottle, and getting water is somehow too much so most days i just skip it and end up being totally dysfunctional instead.

also if someone could just be in charge of booking all my important appointments like the doctor when i'm sick, therapy, dentist, even haircuts. that would take off soooo much stress. making phone calls feels literally impossible when i'm depressed, so i just avoid it until things get really reallyyy bad.

 

[Grog]

i just want someone to be around me and offer to do things with me. none of my friends reach out to me anymore and i often hardly spend time with anyone.

Absolutely this. The only people around me are just "friends" I've made out of convenience. We don't have many shared interests. I just end up doing whatever someone else wants to do because I know no one likes what I like to do. It is so fucking lonely. I wish someone would just play Final Fantasy with me, watch anime with me... I wish people wanted me. I wish people liked me...

 

[lemonandcapers]

I'm at the point right now where I don't know if any support is going to do anything. I feel like I'm too far gone. The only thing a person could do to relieve the pain is to take the emotional pain I feel away, and no person can do that nor do I expect them to.

 

[FoxSauce]

Please please listen to people and keeps stupid comments to yourself. ( I mean if a person did this to you , is not to you)

We dont want solutions (some do if asked directly) but if isnt asked please dont say them.

Validate peoples emotions it could seem small to you but not for the person experiencing them. Dont make people worse about their past mistakes, they know already, remonding them is not gonna resolve the issue.

Spend times with those who are struggling drinking a small coffee or laughing about a stupid meme it could brighten someones say.

 

[bekilledorkill]

i want a shoulder to cry on without constantly being questioned and having false concern. I want them to just be there, in the moment, while I try to pull myself together.

 

[Require_love]

Then I get unceremoniously slapped in the face when they suddenly ask why we never hang out or do stuff together. Oh like gee, I wonder? Why do I suddenly matter when it's far too late? Why start now?

This. Although for me, it's probably me idolizing them and getting too attached, then giving up on them when the illusion of companionship breaks for me. I don't know what I even want anymore. I just don't want to break down with people.
I wish to not be abandoned, or feel like I have been left. They can just ask how I am, or include me in activities. They can call me and laugh with me. They can just be there for me sometimes. I promise not to dump everything on them again.

They don't have to do anything other than just walk with me sometimes. I can handle the rest, like my crushing and confusing need for validation that I don't know how to get rid of. I don't need their input- though it is welcome.

Just don't treat me like I'm trash.

 

[SecretDissociation]

I wish people believed me and took my symptoms and my voice seriously.

Medical professionals always selectively pick out the symptoms I say and ignore the other half. They don't listen to my opinion about what the problem is. They look at me and think you're fine.

It took my three ish years to get diagnosed with IBS. I knew I had IBS or something similar two years ago already. I have meds now but the pain is too much. I have a lot of physical pain and instead of helping I'd get told that they don't know what to do.

It's the same thing for my mental health, listen to only some of my symptoms and ignore the other half. When I asked if hearing other voices meant hearing them externally or internally the psychiatrist said asking this means that I don't hear voices. I tell the mh professionals that I don't feel positive that I feel like killing myself that I want to die they ignore it because I'm alive so t must mean I'm doing fine. They ignore the fact that I have Bulimia nervosa.

Everyone acts like my problems don't exist and I wish they would listen to me and guide me but they don't. If they just gave me time and then also gave solutions that would be support that would let me know that I am supported. If my mother listened and told me that she was glad and that I'm strong despite my problems that would support me. But I just get told that to her I look fine. Exactly what every other professional says even though I am not and I tell them I'm not.

That's my support.

 

[whywere]

This. Although for me, it's probably me idolizing them and getting too attached, then giving up on them when the illusion of companionship breaks for me. I don't know what I even want anymore. I just don't want to break down with people.
I wish to not be abandoned, or feel like I have been left. They can just ask how I am, or include me in activities. They can call me and laugh with me. They can just be there for me sometimes. I promise not to dump everything on them again.

They don't have to do anything other than just walk with me sometimes. I can handle the rest, like my crushing and confusing need for validation that I don't know how to get rid of. I don't need their input- though it is welcome.

Just don't treat me like I'm trash.

The "Just don't treat me like I'm trash" really got me, as I think that you are a wonderful person.

We are ALL in this together and I can never understand nor like it when anyone treats another person less, as we ALL contribute to live and everyone has their own special aspects to bring to the table of, life.

Everyone needs someone and we all need each other, plain and simple.

You are a good friend with amazing qualities that you have and bring to SaSu and I thank you for that.

Hugs and well wishes, my good friend,

Walter

 

[Tired_girl555]

Hello SaSu community,

I was wondering, as mentally ill people in recovery, what would you wish the people around you did to support you? Emotional check-ins? Providing you material support? Emotional support, like giving you a shoulder to cry on? Help you get things done that you don't have the motivation for? What would best support you?

I honestly just needed love and clarity and I got it from an unexpected soul mate...he can't provide physically though. I'll probably explain why on my YouTube channel. But he is the best thing that has happened to me in my life so far. I got love. But unfortunately im homeless and I need food so im gonna have to figure thr material support out. I have motivation now and im slowly but surely figuring out where im going to channel my passion so I can get out of this situation.

 

[whywere]

This. Although for me, it's probably me idolizing them and getting too attached, then giving up on them when the illusion of companionship breaks for me. I don't know what I even want anymore. I just don't want to break down with people.
I wish to not be abandoned, or feel like I have been left. They can just ask how I am, or include me in activities. They can call me and laugh with me. They can just be there for me sometimes. I promise not to dump everything on them again.

They don't have to do anything other than just walk with me sometimes. I can handle the rest, like my crushing and confusing need for validation that I don't know how to get rid of. I don't need their input- though it is welcome.

Just don't treat me like I'm trash.

The "Just don't treat me like I'm trash" really got me, as I think that you are a wonderful person.

We are ALL in this together and I can never understand nor like it when anyone treats another person less, as we ALL contribute to live and everyone has their own special aspects to bring to the table of, life.

Everyone needs someone and we all need each other, plain and simple.

You are a good friend with amazing qualities that you have and bring to SaSu and I thank you for that.

Hugs and well wishes, my good friend,

Walter