I need an out badly. I'm in a situation where I'm stuck at a dead end job because the career I wanted is no longer an option. I'm no longer in love with my partner even though they love me unconditionally. They did one really fucked up thing and it took away all my love for them and I've been feeling evil for it. One mistake and that's it? There goes my love? Did I ever love them? Have I always been this horrible? My ptsd is debilitating my life. I can't move out of my dad's house cos of my dead end job. My friends use me and when they don't need me anymore they stop talking to me. And I know it's as easy as "change your life and surround yourself with new better people" but stfu! You don't think I've tried. Every new person I end up meeting is horrid. I'm incredibly naive and autistic so I just openly trust strangers have good intentions because I don't have bad intentions for them. I can't stop being like that. I just can't. It's who I am. I'm done and I want to ctb on my birthday so my sister would only have one day to grieve. But I want to be successful. I don't want a chance of me surviving. I can't get my hands on a gun so I need the best way out without a gun.
