On one hand, this does tell me that there is something holding you back from ctb, perhaps some hope or deep down you wish for a different outcome. If this is the case, then I would look into other options before doing something that would be... Irreversible if you were to succeed.
On the more pragmatic side of things, humans were evolved to want to live and survive for as long as possible. To blunt this instinct, you could try investing in alcohol and/or strong anti-anxiety pills such as Valium and Xanax. As far as alcohol, ideally above a pint at least 40% ABV should do the trick; examples would be rum, vodka, whiskey, etc. It would be difficult to have any assumed preprogrammed hesitance if one, or a combination, of these methods were put into use.
Though if you didn't want to go with the route of using any drug, I would evaluate why you are considering ctb and try to think of justifications. A bit of self-reflection, if you would.