For me non-existence really is always preferable and is all I could hope for no matter what, I'd just never wish to suffer in this cruel, torturous existence rather I'd prefer to not exist and I always suffer so much from being burdened with this existence I personally always saw as a mistake, I don't see it as an illness to prefer the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep over waiting to die in this existence that was so tragically imposed that was competely unnecessary where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer.
I see existing as so futile and so undesirable, only non-existence can solve everything for me and take away what I personally see as the true problem which is existence itself, I find it so horrific how a human can suffer for so long just to die tortured by old age, existence itself is the problem to me and I only see non-existence as positive, I'd just never wish for the burden of existence that just caused and brought all this suffering all for the sake of it.