Discussion How does one find love having BPD

[Cyber4ngel!]

Do you ever feel like you're always "too much" for everyone, too intense, too much love, like you drown the people you love

How do you cope with that? How does one find love if they're always "too much" how do i start being less??? Being nonchalant isn't for me, saying i love you is not enough for me, I need to crawl into the skin of my lover and live there... like how tf do i become less for the appeal of people??? Or i could only date other people with bpd??? Idk... my relationships usually fail because i love too much, i do too fucking much and i give my whole heart to people and they dont seem to like that!!!

What are your experiences??

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

I hear the pain and frustration in what you're saying. It's really tough to feel like your love is overwhelming or that it's too much for others to handle. When you're someone who loves intensely, it can sometimes feel like you're drowning others in that love, as though they can't keep up with the depth of feeling you have to give. It's hard not to internalize that as something wrong with you or feel like you're somehow "too much." But the truth is, you're not "too much." The way you love deeply, fiercely is not inherently bad. The struggle is more about finding balance and ways to express that love so it doesn't feel suffocating.

Understanding the root of these overwhelming feelings can give you the insight you need to navigate them without losing yourself in someone else. Are you afraid of abandonment? Do you feel like the depth of your feelings is a response to feeling unimportant or neglected in the past? These feelings are very real, especially for people with BPD, who often experience heightened fear of rejection or being unseen. (A lot of this comes from my friend who's trying to be a social worker LOL) (not to dismiss you, also)

To answer your question about "being less," maybe it's not about changing who you are or "dumbing down" your emotions. It's about finding ways to express them in a way that fits both you and your partner.

for relationships with others who have BPD, there's no one-size-fits-all answer. While it's true that people with BPD might understand each other's emotional depth and intensity in a unique way, that doesn't guarantee that the relationship will be easier. Two people with BPD can still struggle with managing their emotions, which could make things more complicated. It's less about the diagnosis and more about finding someone who can meet you where you're at, who can accept and reciprocate your love in a healthy way.

You don't need to become "less" to be loved. You deserve to be loved in a way that honors your intensity, your passion, and your depth. You are worthy of love that matches your full capacity to give—you just need to find a way to channel that energy in ways that feel sustainable for both you and the people you're with.

My two cents. I know people with BPD in loving relationships with people who are neurotypical. You can find the one girlie

 

[futurecorpse]

Do you ever feel like you're always "too much" for everyone, too intense, too much love, like you drown the people you love

All the time. Too negative, too clingy, too needy, too intense, and the list goes on

How do you cope with that? How does one find love if they're always "too much" how do i start being less???

Honestly, not very well. I isolate and keep to myself nowadays because I'm simply too much for others to handle. (When it comes to myself, I don't give a shit lmao. But for other people with bpd, I try to provide encouragement so you can take what I say with a grain of salt lol.) Your "too much" will be enough for the right person. You have to try to be patient for that person to come into your life. They say love finds you when you least expect it. I'd say wait for someone who matches your energy and makes the same amount of effort as you do

like how tf do i become less for the appeal of people??? Or i could only date other people with bpd??? Idk... my relationships usually fail because i love too much, i do too fucking much and i give my whole heart to people and they dont seem to like that!!!

Are you seeing a therapist and have you done dbt before? A relationship where both parties have bpd is possible BUT they really need to be committed to becoming better and appropriately managing their triggers and symptoms. A hard pill to swallow: there are people who are just turned off by our intensity. It's not for them. And that's okay; that's their boundary and their decision to leave. It sucks, it hurts! I know. I'm also someone who "loves too much" and it hurts like hell when my current favorite person is unavailable and doesn't care about me like I care about him. It's limerence and it makes me want to gut myself like a fish. We have to wait for those who are worth giving our whole heart to. Not some fuck boy who doesn't even care to ask how your day went!

What are your experiences??

I've only dated one person and he was an abusive pos. He was the first favorite person I've ever had and the things he put me through were too much. I tried to ctb after we broke up the first time. This year it'll be 5 years since I broke up with him () and I'm so proud of myself for dumping his scrub ass. But now I have a new fp who's been my fp for almost 2 years. We tried dating but we both messed up. It makes me want to die fr lol. Knowing yourself and your worth will go a long way. I agree with everything the person above me said. ^

 

[FoxSauce]

Yeah i understand where your coming from.

Im scared of creeping people out beacuse of my emotions and intensity even to the people I care about,makes it difficult to makes meaningful relationships and long lasting.

Theres times I can be WAY too clingy to the point it becomes exhausting and switch to disinterest. I'm not proud of that.

Feeling things to extremes can be way to much. Of course there's also some positives, like I've heard that people with bpd can be the most empathetic (ofc that's what I've heard) and also the many misconceptions that comes with it.


My doctor explained that bpd people is like having a 3 degree burn that if you touch it yknow it stings (idk if thats makes sense). For me it really burns when a person I'm interested just "vanishes". It REALLY hurts to the point I start to blame myself for it.

But dont blame yourself , of they dont see you for who you are their lost. Ofc easier daid then done but something to think about.