How do you try to keep up a normal front to friends and family?

[Mira Gaga]

For some context, I have borderline personality disorder. I am unmedicated and I have not sought help for fear of my parents' control. Even though I am an adult, I can't seem to shake their control off of me. I'm very curious as to how others have tried to at least act normal, for the sake of friends and family. How have others managed to keep their lives in control? I feel so much fear and anger and sadness, and I always try to dissociate. I've been a pariah from my family and my school, and the few friends I do have are outcasts like me. I really wish I could get to know more people, but I'm terrified of my parents, even now. I didn't have the best childhood, but not the worst either. I know there are people who've gone through worse things than me, and I respect that. I am a new member and I hope I can connect and relate with more people here. Thank you for your time reading my post. If I've offended anyone in this post, I'm very sorry, no offense was meant.