Discussion How do you manage not reverting to self destructive behaviours?

[piercedheart]

Hello lovelies.

I've returned after a big hiatus from here as I was busy trying to get over my depression, and actually make an proper attempt at you know.. not wanting to off myself any longer.
I think... so far I managed too and I am doing quite well I think.

Anyway I have a strong habit of self-destructive behaviour, which I always seem on the verge of relapsing too, which then will cause me to spiral down further again, resetting all the progress that I made. I've had good therapy I am satisfied with, but I feel the ways I been told to deal with it simply don't work for me, or not anymore at least.. I am on the verge of just.. bursting again.

There is like this nagging feeling in my body that WANTS me to destroy myself.

It however helps me to know I am not the only one to struggle with this, and should you be willing i'd love to hear about how you manage, and your struggles regarding it.

 

[Higurashi415]

I don't know if it's a good strategy but I sort of allow myself a certain degree of self destruction in order to control it.
I do this because whenever I tried to quit self destructing 100% 24/7 I'd STILL end up damaging myself in some way sooner or later, or self sabotaging, which is a more sophisticated form of self destruction if you will.

So my advise would be, if you've tried to quit 100% and failed repeatedly, try to find the least damaging way to damage yourself that will still satisfy you to some degree, and see where that leads you.
Also congratulations on being able to fight it and come out ahead :)

 

[thermosgrenadine]

I don't know if it's a good strategy but I sort of allow myself a certain degree of self destruction in order to control it.

i agree with this, my previous therapist did too. (they had a lot of good viewpoints i think a lot of people on this board would agree with, but that's a whole other thread in itself)

OP, i don't know if you're referring to physical self destruction but that's been my biggest problem. my aforementioned therapist told me that almost everyone harms themselves as a coping mechanism -- for me it used to be self-mutilation, now it's cigarettes. for some people it's sex, alcohol, gambling, etc.

this isn't me trying to say it's healthy because of course the ideal scenario is not having to rely on any of this at all. BUT, as higurashi said above, try to find something that satisfies that destructive urge that also doesn't go too far. this may sound backwards but it is /okay/ to have these thoughts/feelings/actions whatever. it's a fucked up coping skill but it is a coping skill nonetheless and one day you won't need it

 

[piercedheart]

I don't know if it's a good strategy but I sort of allow myself a certain degree of self destruction in order to control it.
I do this because whenever I tried to quit self destructing 100% 24/7 I'd STILL end up damaging myself in some way sooner or later, or self sabotaging, which is a more sophisticated form of self destruction if you will.

So my advise would be, if you've tried to quit 100% and failed repeatedly, try to find the least damaging way to damage yourself that will still satisfy you to some degree, and see where that leads you.
Also congratulations on being able to fight it and come out ahead :)

Thank you so much! Yeah it is uhh... tricky. It's addictive honestly, and familiar, like a cozy old but itchy blanket.

Honestly that does sound like a good idea, my therapist told me to simply take a moment to breathe, clear my mind and find something else to distract my mind but uhh, it has quite the opposite effect.

Just need to think about how to do so then, and not have it be an excuse to myself to go all out again.

i agree with this, my previous therapist did too. (they had a lot of good viewpoints i think a lot of people on this board would agree with, but that's a whole other thread in itself)

OP, i don't know if you're referring to physical self destruction but that's been my biggest problem. my aforementioned therapist told me that almost everyone harms themselves as a coping mechanism -- for me it used to be self-mutilation, now it's cigarettes. for some people it's sex, alcohol, gambling, etc.

this isn't me trying to say it's healthy because of course the ideal scenario is not having to rely on any of this at all. BUT, as higurashi said above, try to find something that satisfies that destructive urge that also doesn't go too far. this may sound backwards but it is /okay/ to have these thoughts/feelings/actions whatever. it's a fucked up coping skill but it is a coping skill nonetheless and one day you won't need it

Physical yes. I left out the way on purpose, figured that I'd not want to trigger people or myself, or make it about that but just the general topic of it.

For me it has been finding abusive partners, sexual or not to hurt me, when the pain is out of my hands it helps drown out anything else to a point where even minor anxiety for say an exam would make me want to seek it out.

Ive had a few hospital visits from how far I took it. The aftercare is what really made me feel good for a small moment, knowing right then I was cared for without wondering if I truly did deserve it or if it was fake or not.

But thank you. It has given me something to think about, and a goal to work too. I'll have to see to what degree I can go about with it to both make me stay stable and not push further.

Someone that actually cares probably is a good start I think.

 

[Forever Sleep]

A couple of things I'm winning over in life- borderline eating disorders and limerence. Others though, I'm making little to no effort to change- how I live pretty much.

Regarding binge eating- it's a case that I simply musn't let myself do it- even once. A bit like alcoholism I suppose. I kind of know that if I give in to the temptation and start, it will be so much harder trying to stop again. I used to be so much worse than I am. I simply couldn't have a lot of foods in the house. I still overeat mind you but- it's kind of different in mentality to an outright binge.

Limerence is sort of the same. I'll sometimes feel the initial stages of an obsessive crush sneaking in but, I'm quick to notice and to stop myself thinking about them so much. I'm also 'safer' if I can dump those feelings onto a fictional character or actor so- that provides a kind of safer expression for me.

Where I'm miserably failing is the rest of my life. With no strict work deadline, I will procrastinate wherever I can. I will neglect my chores and living environment. Somewhat neglect my hygiene and diet. I'm not really winning against any of those behaviours to be honest.

 

[piercedheart]

A couple of things I'm winning over in life- borderline eating disorders and limerence. Others though, I'm making little to no effort to change- how I live pretty much.

Regarding binge eating- it's a case that I simply musn't let myself do it- even once. A bit like alcoholism I suppose. I kind of know that if I give in to the temptation and start, it will be so much harder trying to stop again. I used to be so much worse than I am. I simply couldn't have a lot of foods in the house. I still overeat mind you but- it's kind of different in mentality to an outright binge.

Limerence is sort of the same. I'll sometimes feel the initial stages of an obsessive crush sneaking in but, I'm quick to notice and to stop myself thinking about them so much. I'm also 'safer' if I can dump those feelings onto a fictional character or actor so- that provides a kind of safer expression for me.

Where I'm miserably failing is the rest of my life. With no strict work deadline, I will procrastinate wherever I can. I will neglect my chores and living environment. Somewhat neglect my hygiene and diet. I'm not really winning against any of those behaviours to be honest.

Being aware and trying to make steps is better than none at all, slow steps wins you the race!