how do you make friends as an adult?

[themisfell]

I don't know. I feel like a retard. For the longest time, I've basically had no friends I regularly talk to and it drives me crazy. My previous friends who I used to be super close to are from a hobby I'm not really into anymore, and I don't know how to make new ones. I have friends, but they're all people I've known for a really long time and we rarely talk and it's awkward because our interests have diverged a lot. and in the case of one of my main interests (online gaming), I actually find it really hard to make friends due to getting both stressed out with social interaction and with how loud/aggressive people who play competitive games online can be. I know this sounds so fucking pathetic, but does anyone have any suggestions for making friends as an adult?

 

[EternalShore]

I was going to say, wow, I'm so sorry, same~ >_< but geez... From what you say in your actual post, you actually have friends, just that they no longer do the same stuff as you~ >_< If it's possible, why don't you try to invite your old friends into your new hobbies~? :) perhaps, try to find something that they might like about it and highlight that aspect~ :)

 

[darksouls]

I don't know. I feel like a retard. For the longest time, I've basically had no friends I regularly talk to and it drives me crazy. My previous friends who I used to be super close to are from a hobby I'm not really into anymore, and I don't know how to make new ones. I have friends, but they're all people I've known for a really long time and we rarely talk and it's awkward because our interests have diverged a lot. and in the case of one of my main interests (online gaming), I actually find it really hard to make friends due to getting both stressed out with social interaction and with how loud/aggressive people who play competitive games online can be. I know this sounds so fucking pathetic, but does anyone have any suggestions for making friends as an adult?

if I were not so disabled I would adopt a dog from the animal shelter

 

[sdnlidnc]

How about switching to some less competitive multiplayer games?

 

[themisfell]

How about switching to some less competitive multiplayer games?

do you have any suggestions?

 

[Trazyn]

What type of games do you enjoy? That might make it easier for people to narrow it down and give you some suggestions.

 

[MapleS]

in my country there are special interest groups for adults. you can also go to charity... idk really

 

[imtiredasf]

Yeah, man, I feel it. I went through a partial hospitalization program somewhat recently and every single time someone said "Yeah, I've got this that for support," whatever, it pissed me off and made me a little jealous. My "friends" have mostly fucked off to hang out with shittier people and I won't come with, so I'm out of friends myself.

It's hard to make new friends if you don't go out and drink like a fish or act like an asshole at some club, it seems, so I've resorted to online communication to fill that Sims-esq social meter. Try Webfishing or an MMO like City of Heroes or something! Something you can go at your own pace, interact with chat if you want to, and vibe with people who hopefully vibe back.

 

[bankai]

It's very difficult. I am jaded now. I used to be quite different in my childhood. that time i would make friends without thinking twice. Now ive become more suspicious more reluctant.

 

[sdnlidnc]

do you have any suggestions?

Card games, party games? Tavern Brawl of Hearthstone? I don't play many games.

 

[whatishope]

How about switching to some less competitive multiplayer games?

This is a good point. Competitive games are by their nature very competitive (duh) so the people playing them will ofc be highly competitive. In this environment, skill is all that matters, so it's about the worst place to make friends. In general, where there is competition friendship is hardly found. It's why people never make friends at work in highly competitive industries.

If you want to make friends, for gaming, look for cooperative games. I remember I managed to make online friends in MMO's pretty easily.

Best way to make friends as adults is to go out to social events. In my city, a bunch of places are organising regular board game nights. These regular events also have regulars.

 

[FoxSauce]

Well could be video games and interest but tbh I dunno..

People can just use you for personal gain but when you find this put is too little to late.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

Ouch, I feel the struggle. I have some pointers tho. I'll fill you in after work.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

Take a class. Either something that you're good at, or something that you've always wanted to try. Let's take drawing. If you're good at drawing, you can offer advice and compliment other people's work. If you're not good at it, make something and share it with someone and ask their input. There's no money back guarantee on this advice, but it works like a charm for me.

 

[Hvergelmir]

It's why people never make friends at work in highly competitive industries.

Is this true? I've been assuming that people in competitive industries would have a genuine and shared interest, and thus bond easier.
I'm sincerely interested in hearing a few more perspectives on this.

 

[IDontKnowEverything]

I would adopt a dog from the animal shelter

Please forgive me for asking but are there any types of service-trained dogs out there that could actually be paired with you? I know some organisations that rely on donations exist and can very much raise and train very capable and intelligent dogs.

 

[darksouls]

Please forgive me for asking but are there any types of service-trained dogs out there that could actually be paired with you? I know some organisations that rely on donations exist and can very much raise and train very capable and intelligent dogs.

my time is up
my health is very poor
I will soon be forced to end my suffering

 

[IDontKnowEverything]

my time is up
my health is very poor
I will soon be forced to end my suffering

Very well.
May at least what remains of your journey shift to make itself seem more bearable.
I genuinely mourn your suffering, but also wish you the best.
Best of luck to you out there.

 

[whatishope]

Is this true? I've been assuming that people in competitive industries would have a genuine and shared interest, and thus bond easier.
I'm sincerely interested in hearing a few more perspectives on this.

It is true that there is a shared interest which bonds people, but, at any decently sized to big company, you will be competing with those people to get ahead. I work in IT, and didn't make any friends at work. In all my 10 years of work, I only ever met up with one guy from an old workplace, but I don't talk with him anymore either. That's my story, I am curious as well to hear from others.

 

[thebiggestduck17]

I'm pretty lonely as an adult too, but I feel like going to anime conventions can be a good way to make friends if that's something you're into

 

[TBONTB]

It's harder in adulthood. Are you employed or in school? Volunteer (pet shelter?). Anyone there who would be fun for a coffee or a walk?

 

[EmptyBottle]

For me, I went to a community group, that was referred to me by someone at church. That group became most of my social interaction, even tho it is just 2 or so hours a week. I chat to others, read , enjoy a shared meal, and learn little bits of my faith each Saturday.

As for the other days, I type a few characters, Linux lets me into my PC, open Firefox, and get a handful of notifications from SaSu. I also use the chat page of a deep web site that says it is For (who) All, or whatever that means

 

[usernamesarehard]

I downloaded an app called meetup. You can join groups based on interests. That's probably a good way to make friends. Especially if you join a group that meets up weekly. I can't say whether it's all that good though because I can't actually go to any of the meetings. Too anxious and scared.

Work is also a pretty good place! I made one friend who I don't talk to anymore for reasons I won't get into here. And I might make another friend at the place I currently work at. Although I guess that is kinda hinged on how your coworkers are.

 

[finallydone]

circumstances and pure luck, that's how i made all my friends (past and present), as an adult or a child

 

[myucore]

i only have online friend. and all my ex online friend know me because i trauma dump shit ton on many discord server. what unites me with people is trauma. we were very very close because of trauma, akin to licking each other's wound, but then I eventually get over my challenges and it breaks my dynamic with them.

i feel like the best way to be seen and approached is to express your real self truly. well, i might be the worse case here, i just cry out loud on few server or forum about how miserable i am. so fucking shit ton of trauma dump. i guess i used their care and empathy...

ugh, i know it all probably not friend in "normal" sense and it could be traumatizing to over share- i guess I'm just so desperate i eventually get what i need from time to time....