Discussion How do you guys do things ?

[groovygoober]

I have been fighting suicidal ideation on and off for about 6 years now but it really ramped up last year or so and for the last 9 months or so I just haven't been doing anything , I Don't know what to do and if and when I do know it , I just can't bring myself to do it whether its a hobby or academics or whatever I just don't find any joy in things , I am aware all of this is a consequence of the huge knowledge gap that has been built up over the years of pretending that I am fine and just doing the bare minimum absent-mindedly and that its just going to get worse but being aware of this doesn't give me the ability to actually make the effort . There's also just been such a steep cognitive decline that I still can't wrap my head around it and it's only getting worse due to the deficiency of a few vitamins(b12,d etc ) but I cant even bring myself to consistently take my meds . My brain just feels scrambled , like I can't remember much from the last 2 years .

How do people here who have jobs or a heavy workload or are working towards their future bring themselves to do things if they are someone who has a lot of trouble doing simple tasks ? Do you guys follow any routine , meditation or something else ?

There are some unrealistic expectations that I am supposed to stand up to because I used to be pretty high functioning till 2020 , that is not my focus right now but it does create a self imposed pressure and well I have given up on most things that I like how am I supposed to fulfill these hopes regarding things that I don't?

 

[Kanoh]

I am wondering that myself. I have extreme OCD and even though it makes my life hell I have to work to continue paying the bills so I have roor over my head until I CTB. My life dream is to be able to neet until I kill myself but not possible or I'd have to go homeless. But work makes me stressed and miserable, it's a rotten cherry on top of my debilitating mental illness. Yet in spite of a genuine will to die and end the torment, SI still keeps me here.

 

[groovygoober]

I can be a neet by being a parasite to my parents but that's just going to make me feel more and more guilty and I don't want to be a burden anymore but my country's is absolute dogshit with dogshit opportunities , dogshit people and dogshit weather and to top it all of the 2 years of inactivity means that even getting basic shitty employment will involve exploitative working hours and pay . Pretty hopeless , I am only here because I fear the pain that my death will cause to my loved ones .

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

The only activity i have going on is rotting in bed staring at the ceiling/phone (i don't allow myself to do much on it) for 6 months now, i'm so focused on SI and all those thoughts that nothing matter at all.

My head is such a mess that if i have a smallest happy thought/memory, SI come straight up stomping it.

I thought i was sad having a "low-end" physically demanding job, but now i miss it, i wish i could back, i'm just a hollow shell now...

 

[itsgone2]

How do people here who have jobs or a heavy workload or are working towards their future bring themselves to do things if they are someone who has a lot of trouble doing simple tasks ?

Quoting this but I resonate with the entire post.
I used to do just do things. No meditation needed.

Now I'm just stuck. Just frozen so much of the time.

Something isn't right in our heads. You may be on to it with vitamins. My diet has been horrible

 

[groovygoober]

The only activity i have going on is rotting in bed staring at the ceiling/phone (i don't allow myself to do much on it) for 6 months now, i'm so focused on SI and all those thoughts that nothing matter at all.

My head is such a mess that if i have a smallest happy thought/memory, SI come straight up stomping it.

I thought i was sad having a "low-end" physically demanding job, but now i miss it, i wish i could back, i'm just a hollow shell now...

I heavily relate to that feeling I know I have a lot to do and know the path but just hard to take those steps , tried to focus on a few things and the amount of time I could do a task has now reduced to like half an hour before I go back to just thinking about ctb .

I hope you get back to the job there is a definite co-relation between mental health and physical exercise and just being outside , but here I get fucked by the geographical luck , with such a bad standard of living any low-end job is just so bad . just being physical might help but I know it must be hard to bring yourself to do that .

Quoting this but I resonate with the entire post.
I used to do just do things. No meditation needed.

Now I'm just stuck. Just frozen so much of the time.

Something isn't right in our heads. You may be on to it with vitamins. My diet has been horrible

I got my blood work done like 2 years back when my mental health took the biggest nosedive in like 2 years and it turned out I had vitamin B12 and D deficiency , B12 has a direct effect on lethargy and brain fog etc . Had to get an injection and tablets but then I stopped taking them and it just got worse and worse .

Get your blood work done if possible , B12 and magnesium have helped a lot of people at least with lethargy and energy etc . Might help .
B12 is hard to get through food , eating fish and a few other foods help but meds are better .
My diet has also been so shit due to uni and I could genuinely feel the direct effect of it in my day to day life . Something definitely isn't right with our heads feel like a rotting corpse 90 percent of the day .