How do you get the strength to actually ctb?

[Shoreline]

Hi all,
I've been thinking about ending my life for a while now. Things seem to keep getting worse, and I don't know how to tell anyone how I feel. I'm finally at the point where I've decided to ctb, but I'm too scared to even purchase the materials/attempt. I suppose I'm afraid I'll live or be permanently injured/disabled by the attempt.
How do you manage these feelings and become brave enough to actually make an attempt?

 

[RinneOfAragon]

that is a fear that has held be back for almost 20 years. Yes I have had attempts but they were rushed and not well planned. I'm fearful of it going wrong but I'm living in a prison of hell here. When I found this site I thought my answers have come with sn. But alas its now so restricted I'm not sure how I'll get it. I've started taking my Fluoxetine to try and keep calm. it's terrible to be desperate to escape but there's no peaceful way out.
Now with regards to yourself, I don't know your situation. You said you don't know how to tell anyone how you feel. Maybe you are at the stage of reaching out for help with your situation rather then ctb. That might be better then ctb. like I said I don't know your circumstances. Have you exhausted all your options in wanting to live? With me I have as I'm 36 soon and everything in my world got so much worse. I think to ctb a person just gets to the point of not being able to bare the situation anymore. Or other times it's spur of the moment whirlwind of intense emotions and possibly substance use.
I really do feel like a coward most days as I wanted easy exit. Ultimately its very hard.