Discussion How do you describe feeling "worthless"?

[Wolf Girl]

How does it feel to feel worthless? I can't put words on this experience. I know I feel it in my stomach. I know I feel like I'm a house of cards collapsing.

It's been a long time since I felt this way. I actually had pretty good self-esteem before, even when I was alone, unwanted and suicidal. But I've gone through a massive amount of rejection from friends, family members, and lovers recently. It did something to me, broke something in me. I truly do feel like I have no worth if nobody wants me here.

It's the worst thing I've ever felt aside from grief.

 

[DentonSama]

I'd describe it as an intrinsic sense of otherness compared to regular people. I always felt as though it's not just social anxiety, my mental problems or anything in particular, but moreso, something about my very being that just doesn't belong.

Worth, in some sense, is derived from fitting in and "doing well in life". I don't think I have the toolkit, be it psychologically or biologically, to achieve those goals. That's why I feel worthless. It's in my very bones, I get physically unwell from being around others, because of the shame.

 

[Dejected 55]

I've gone through some iterations of this, if you will permit me to meander a bit...

When I was young, I did feel worthless. I was treated poorly by my peers and some adults. I learned to expect abuse of one kind or another, never look forward to acceptance or happiness, and all at a young age. My mistake during that time, though, was defining my worth with how I was being treated... as in, I was treated as if I had no value, therefore I must have been worthless. Life made sense to me back then, because sure... I was treated like crap, but I deserved all of it because I was worthless.

But... at some point I made a realization. I started to like who I was. I was not at all perfect. I created some of my own problems. I had lots of flaws... but I was not worthless. I had value as a human being, and I had value in what I was capable of being and doing and giving to others around me. I was not at all worthless! Yet, I was still treated pretty much the same... and that's when I started to be depressed. See, believing in myself and that I had value meant the treatment I received was not deserved. It meant I was being abused, neglected, ignored... but I had value. I was not worthless... and the world no longer made any sense to me.

I did not think I was owed anything. But I thought it weird for people to sometimes go out of their way to hurt me, to actually put planning and effort into hurting me, when I was not worthless. It made no sense, and unlike when I thought I deserved it... I now knew I didn't deserve it. Nobody deserves it. But it happened anyway.

So... in a weird way... I felt better when I believe I was worthless because the world made sense, I had a place in it, and I deserved what happened. I only became depressed when I felt better about myself.

It is possible to think you are worthless, and have someone treat you kindly and you will appreciate it tremendously even if it confuses you at first. But it is also possible to believe you have value, but still have people treat you cruelly and it will hurt you more because it surprises you.

Your value, hence, is not directly related to how people treat you. Nor do people treat you according to your value. In therapy they tend to want to treat you by getting you to believe in yourself, and that's good to a point... but if the world treats you as if you are worthless, I don't think it matters whether you believe in yourself or not. You get what others allow you to have.

 

[SomewhereAlongThe]

I'd say it's looking out the window and saying to yourself, "that girl over there, she has a life. she has a job... probably a husband and some kids." Or "It looks like he's off to a meeting."
It stings when you hear, "She's talented and good at what she does."
The sadness creeps up behind your eyes where you feel the tears that never come.
It's a hollow feeling in your chest, a panic that you haven't found your place in this world, but then a calm when you know you can exit it.
It's misery, something you want to get off your chest so you feel understood, but then deep loneliness sets in as you realize you have no one to talk to.
You just wanna belong, you desire that worth, and value, but you lack it so you kick, punch and scream until you find it through the tears and painful throbbing sensations on your body.

Worthlessness feels like the world has rejected you.

 

[hippiedeath]

It's a feeling of hating yourself. It's hating yourself so much that you want to die. I hate seeing my photo and hearing my voice recorded. I feel disconnected to images of myself, like it's not me.

 

[mysideofthemountain]

This poem gets close for me:


That she forgot me was the least
I felt it second pain
That I was worthy to forget
Was most I thought upon.

Faithful was all that I could boast
But Constancy became
To her, by her innominate,
A something like a shame.

-- Emily Dickinson

 

[Namelesa]

I would say for me it just mean to feel of little or no or negative "value" and "value" to me means the positive effect and usefulness of myself to others so often times I feel more worthless when I have done something wrong or hurt someone that doesn't deserve it just causing a negative effect or if someone leaves me as then obviously I am not good enough or have done something wrong for that to happen.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not meaning to belittle your feelings or, start a pain olympics. I'm more tired of the reverse of this- having it implied that I need to keep going because I'm of worth to others. No matter how difficult it is. How little joy it brings me. How much I'm struggling and want out. Maybe I'm too selfish to appreciate being appreciated by others. I expect I'd miss it if the little I have went though- to be fair. We don't always appreciate what we have, till it's gone.

I suppose I'm more cynical really. It was instilled within me that I needed to work so, the closest I felt to worthless was guilt when things weren't going well job- wise. I guess I've felt rejected and abandoned by people in the past though, also. That created a deal of shame.

Eventually though, I suppose bitterness, cynicism and resenentment has taken over! I'll comply to having a job and supporting myself but, I think it's a whole load of shit! The majority of us are working to make rich people richer. What's so noble about that? I think most relationships are transactional. So, maybe it's good if we can provide something they need but, it may reach a stage where it isn't reciprocal. Just because we're needed, it doesn't mean we'll receive their support back. Even if they're good enough to try- it may not actually help us anymore.

I don't know really. I can understand the want or the forced shame of needing to contribute. I can understand the desire to be valued and needed. I wonder if the reality of it is always that rewarding though. I suppose I'm lucky in that, some of the people I've helped out have been over the top grateful. But then, it's really not enough to make me feel happy to be alive or, give my life meaning. It's just something I did which was a kinder decision in the time I'm enforced to be here.

You're probably not looking for advice here so, feel free to ignore this. If you do want to feel more appreciated and recognised though- are there any actions you could take to encourage this to happen? Volunteer work etc? I wonder if there is anyway out of how you feel. If you have the strength of course. It's hypocritical of me to say really because, I know I'm not doing myself any favours at the moment, with how I'm living! Or, perhaps is that you do do lots but, the people around you have begun to take it for granted?

It sounds like it may be on a more personal level though. I think a lot of people can be 'fair weather friends' unfortunately. I suppose personally, I've had to look at how much I was putting on them in the past. I used to become overly emotionally dependent on friends really and, too clingy. It was horrible to recognise but, it helped longer term to realise I needed to try to individually self regulate. Not saying that you were this way. But yeah, at the time, I felt a lot of shame, self hatred to a degree and fear I suppose. That I was losing a person I depended on because I on some level was intolerable/ too much for them.

 

[Sadbanana]

For me it feels like a constant imposer syndrome and anxiety and those are the better symptoms. When I feel it fully I just want to die, so I never have to feel that thing again.

 

[chudeatte]

its a hard thing to conceptualise. for me its just an inherent feeling. feeling like ill never belong no matter what I do and that my life will never mean anything beyond being born and then dying, unlike others who have goals and achievements that give them a sense of meaning and belonging

 

[Off_Switch]

They won't appreciate who we were until we're gone.