Venting How do people want you to get better exactly? real talk

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

How should I get better exactly? Should I start activities? I can't, the ones I'm doing right now exist for the sole reason of keeping me away from reality , as in anything that is new requires too much thinking which will seep into my depressive , cynical but grounded in reality thoughts.

So what exactly should I do to get better in their eyes exactly, unless they can completely solve the problems that I have (which they can't, my brain is already formed and as some twitter users had in their bios "my opinions are my own") nothing will change.

It's crazy to me how one can go "Just do X , you can already do Y" , have you ever wondered WHY I am doing Y in the first place maybe? because this is a simple case , one that the scooby doo gang could solve in 3 minutes, if I do Y because it was a challenge and I wanted to learn it, then surely I can do X , it's very likely ; but if Y only exists in my life because it was the first "coping" mechanism I put my hands on, the chances of actually learning anything are zilch, since learning anything is not needed in the condition that I am.

A cancer patient can learn with 3 months to live because it isn't his choice to die, it's the cancer, a suicide person can't learn because they are actively wanting to die and find everything pointless, they are the ones who think about death everyday and fight the survival instincts for the day where they might win and kill themselves.

 

[25dRvS9Ka]

I understand perfectly. I feel very close to this, the people around me only want me to be well so that I can be useful like some kind of emotionless bulldozer or excavator that does tasks without a genuine life purpose.

One of the biggest obstacles of depression is seeing that people don't want to help you, they just want you to be useful. For these people, you being useless while happy or being useless about to kill yourself are the same thing, since you don't meet their expectations, it doesn't matter.

 

[bankai]

People are very vague about that. They say things like it will get better. They have no clue though.

I think each person has to only decide themselves about their own end. Not take it lightly, give it a good long time and if nothing works out. Then well..

But I believe just like no one should tell you to commit suicide, no one gets the right to tell you not to either. They have no clue about your life. If someone tells you life is precious, maybe their life is. Maybe their life is just sunshine and rainbows from morning to night. I'm just so dead. So dead inside. I can't even talk to any of these people around me.I'm still going to give it a real shot. But it's been a few years already. Nothing has changed. Let's see.

 

[SignatureRequired]

Not really sure either. There is a lot of advice out there, but it always seems to loop back to the idea that you're being illogical and lazy. If you have a diagnosis like cancer for example, you're allowed to experience what you're going through, and people will understand that it is a natural process.

 

[Alreadylate]

It doesn't really care what you do, peope who is not suicidal or didn't have mental problems don't understand anything at all... If you do things to get well they won't appreciate what you do anyway... I have been suicidal for half decade and during this time I even found a job bt other things, and when you try to live people just take it as it is what you should be doing and just keep going. Depression isn't seen as a serious illness, I think people perceive it as it was some kind of childish caprice, laziness, and so on. In any case, I think the best thing to do is just ignoring whatever people may think even if they are profesionals, in my experience everybody seem to be retarded when it comes to understand a suicidal person.

How should I get better exactly? Should I start activities? I can't, the ones I'm doing right now exist for the sole reason of keeping me away from reality , as in anything that is new requires too much thinking which will seep into my depressive , cynical but grounded in reality thoughts.

So what exactly should I do to get better in their eyes exactly, unless they can completely solve the problems that I have (which they can't, my brain is already formed and as some twitter users had in their bios "my opinions are my own") nothing will change.

It's crazy to me how one can go "Just do X , you can already do Y" , have you ever wondered WHY I am doing Y in the first place maybe? because this is a simple case , one that the scooby doo gang could solve in 3 minutes, if I do Y because it was a challenge and I wanted to learn it, then surely I can do X , it's very likely ; but if Y only exists in my life because it was the first "coping" mechanism I put my hands on, the chances of actually learning anything are zilch, since learning anything is not needed in the condition that I am.

A cancer patient can learn with 3 months to live because it isn't his choice to die, it's the cancer, a suicide person can't learn because they are actively wanting to die and find everything pointless, they are the ones who think about death everyday and fight the survival instincts for the day where they might win and kill themselves.

 

[starboy2k]

I understand perfectly. I feel very close to this, the people around me only want me to be well so that I can be useful like some kind of emotionless bulldozer or excavator that does tasks without a genuine life purpose.

One of the biggest obstacles of depression is seeing that people don't want to help you, they just want you to be useful. For these people, you being useless while happy or being useless about to kill yourself are the same thing, since you don't meet their expectations, it doesn't matter.

my relatives exactly…all they want me to do is get another job (which is hard asf to get) and go back to school (which they know I suck at). If I happen to do neither, then they wash their hands of me lmaoooooooo. They don't want me to "get better" they want me to "get useful".

 

[Kalista]

It's crazy to me how one can go "Just do X , you can already do Y"

this is an oversimplification which you clearly see and it gets thrown around frequently. what you want/need doesn't meet society's standards so you won't get support for it. your 'unconventional' perspective is frowned upon and/or highly misunderstood.

to become better in their eyes would require you to speak and be completely open to therapists, psychiatrists, friends and family, practice coping mechanisms endlessly, take drugs to alter chemicals in your brain with massive side-effects, be administered other types of psychiatric tools in hope to change how your brain functions..etc -- all because the need to die and no longer be part of this world is seen as part of a disorder, (despite the fact that it's your body, mind, and life that you didn't ask for), which is categorized under a single umbrella of ignorance. does anyone see what's actually wrong here?

to further add, the optimism imposed on people needing to die can be so fucking disgusting a lot of the time. it's such a reactionary response that it falls as being dismissive towards what the person is feeling. it has become a complete habit for these people because that's what they learned in this primarily one-sided 'mental health community.' simply repeating what others are repeating like a bunch of fucking sheep. none of them are actually trying to understand WHY they're doing the things they do in the first place. even when asked, they don't truly listen and they'll try to bring you back to their side to try and 'fix you,' so the pain is dismissed once again. they believe that what you're doing is 'morally wrong,' therefore stop that shit.

the problem here is you're trying to please society, but you're different from their standards like so many others who desperately cry for help on how to be a certain way. yet they try to change anyway in order to fit in and feel like they're a part of something. the practices above is to keep you within their standards, not yours. no one's going to change for you, but you MUST change for them.

 

[Forever Sleep]

The main concern seems to be that I have a job. I'll even hear that outright: 'So long as you're working.' I suppose that would be thoughtful if they were worrying about my future (I don't intend to have.) But, I tend to translate it more along the lines of: 'As long as you're not a burden on your poor parents.'

Sometimes, I'll also get: 'It's not the life I would have wanted for you... But it's the one you've chosen.' I'd say that was only in part accurate. Maybe similar to you OP, I lost myself in a coping mechanism (being creative) in childhood in order to get me through a very rough patch. (Partly their fault.) It's maybe not the worst coping mechanism I could have found/ leant on but, it's become all consuming. That coupled with a natural shyness/ social anxiety means I have been happy to hide away from the world. Now that my creative job isn't giving me the same satisfaction too, there's really not much else left.

People aren't exactly wrong when they suggest the 'healthier' things we ought to be doing- socialising, finding new interests, exercising, getting fresh air. But, we may be missing the real impetus to do those things.

Ultimately, I suppose I see my state of affairs as a decision. Being around people is more distressing than being alone for me. I also accept though, that I shouldn't complain about being lonely (thankfully, I'm not,) seeing as it is my choice.

One thing I have found is- it's usually unwise to hint at problems to people. I find they will tend to try to fix them and suggest a whole bunch of things I don't want to do!

 

[25dRvS9Ka]

my relatives exactly…all they want me to do is get another job (which is hard asf to get) and go back to school (which they know I suck at). If I happen to do neither, then they wash their hands of me lmaoooooooo. They don't want me to "get better" they want me to "get useful".

That's why the vast majority of us choose to act apathetically, we know that it's not an option, it's a full-time defense mechanism.

I don't lift a single finger for people with ulterior motives lol

 

[jbdCkFqV]

I understand perfectly. I feel very close to this, the people around me only want me to be well so that I can be useful like some kind of emotionless bulldozer or excavator that does tasks without a genuine life purpose.

One of the biggest obstacles of depression is seeing that people don't want to help you, they just want you to be useful. For these people, you being useless while happy or being useless about to kill yourself are the same thing, since you don't meet their expectations, it doesn't matter.

You also have to get better (be useful) in a way that doesn't make them uncomfortable or confront unpleasant truths. They don't need to do anything, it's all you.