Discussion How can I stop worrying about how people perceive me

[fkyou]

I realized that what's actually stopping me from ctb is not the love I have for this unproductive life of me. From my brains perspective I'm miserable and want to exit but the shame of what it means to be a failure in the eyes of everyone that has knowen me is making this difficult making me confused. I just worry what this will mean for everyone that know me. It's not that I love these people they aren't my family but more like I'm proving to them I wasn't a good person from the start.how do I stop feeling like this. It makes sense I feel like this tho because for most of my life I've suffered with my personality people finding me weak and naive.eh.mind you I never understood where it came from and why people thaught of me like that .from my perspective I was normal.

 

[Dejected 55]

Sadly, it is almost impossible and I'll tell you why. It is 100% that most people don't notice you and don't care about all the things you have insecurities about. If you think you are fat or ugly or stupid or you tripped and are afraid someone saw or you picked your nose and hope no one saw... or whatever it is... Most people don't notice and the few who do really don't give the slightest fuck.

IF you can realize and convince yourself this is fact, and it really really is fact, then you are most of the way there.

Except.

If you want to eat and live somewhere and so forth, you need money. Unless you were born into money or dig some up somewhere or win the lottery... someone has to want to hire you. They have to like at least something about you. If you want a friend or want to date, at least one person has to like you.

It is FACT that most people don't give a fuck.. which helps you most of the time, all those times your brain tries to make you self-conscious... BUT. most people not giving a fuck really really fucks you over when you need a job or want a friend or a date. Those things literally require a positive opinion of you by someone else.

So you shouldn't care all the time about all people... but you have to care about the most important ones. Life is fucked in that way.

 

[deathisapanacea]

By assuming they have the worst possible perception.

 

[twisting thy rope]

Really weird how perception works man.

Understanding, is what helped me surpass this struggle. Understand each person has their own perception of you, they view you based off what you show them. For example; let's say you're terrified of spiders and you're out on a date, a spider crawls on your dates arm and to not look like a wimp you gently pick it up and put it on the ground. Well your date now perceives you to be immovable by spiders. You yourself know you are scared but you havent presented yourself as such, therefore they do not see that in you. Once you understand this, understand that some people are not meant for you, act yourself, be yourself, the ones who truly want to be in your life will make an effort to do so. Beyond that man as one of the other comments stated most people dont actually pay attention to you the way you may think. And no one actually cares the way you may think, everyone is in their own little world. It really isnt until you intertwin those worlds that you should care imo.

The only opinions/perceptions I give value to in my life is from loved ones, such as close friends and family, romantic relationships, and people who have authority in my life such as bosses or teachers.

There is no great way to go about this struggle, but there is ways to shape the mindset you carry. Read about stoicism

 

[fkyou]

@Dejected 55 @twisting thy rope @deathisapanacea thank you a lot everyone for your words.it helps.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Specifically in the matter of suicide, that may just be an unshakeable belief for them. They might even apply it to anyone who chooses to suicide. That it was the 'weak' choice. 'The cowards way out'. All that crap.

I suppose you could try to take a position of strength and make a note of your own beliefs. I sometimes consider doing that. Finally laying down my reality.

My concern is more that people will call it selfish. I want them to consider that I lived a life I didn't want for 35+ years for the sake of not hurting others with my suicide. I'd say that was pretty selfless.

For me, I don't entirely care if people consider it cowardly. I tend to doubt they have ever considered the practicalities of terminating themselves to really believe that.

Plus- they saw more value in life. Good for them but, that wasn't my experience. Surely, the correct response to someone going through an ordeal they were forced in to, that they don't believe in, that causes them suffering, is pity- no? Not blame or shaming for not doing better at it! If they want to throw mud then, that's on them.

Why would it even affect me though? You didn't do well enough at something you never agreed to undertake- that you were effectively conscripted in to. That you had all sorts of disadvantages in. That was clearly a rigged and corrupt system. That you didn't really care about 'winning' in ultimately anyway? Where's the burn exactly?

You failed to live up to the expectations placed on you? Why is it in any way moral to bring a sentient being into this shit hole and then put expectations on them in the first place? That was the real failure- in my eyes. That's an unreasonable expectation to begin with- given what we know can go wrong with the human body and the world.

If it makes them feel stronger by putting others down and shaming them for exiting on their terms- let them have it. Their reward? Living here. Whoop whoop. Let them fill their boots.