I don't know what I am anymore. I don't know if I can even consider myself to be normal after trying to figure my sexuality out for years. The utter fact that I'm possibly a pedophile over a bunch of fictional characters and Pokemon wearing diapers peeves me to the point where it's affecting my life.
I didn't ask for this shit. I never labelled myself as one. A bunch of people I knew a long time ago on the Internet did. I don't understand how I'm like this. Nobody I knew sexually abused me, as far as I can tell.
The closest thing I've had with sexual trauma is the fact that I tried to hang out with people twice my age on the Internet when I was about 9-15. One of them gave me the link to the lemon party website.
You can show me movies like It's a Wonderful Life a thousand times, and I would have yet to put myself in that where some ghosts of Christmas past tries to show me that my life s valuable. I am ashamed for being brought into this world. I feel as if someone hated my existence and decided to make me very much into diapers.
I don't know if I can be normal through any psychiatric means. My life would be over if people find out what I truly am. My address would be doxxed and I would probably have a few people threatening to kill me.
Waking up every morning and knowing what my past has given me is not great. Thinking about the people whom I've unintentionally hurt is not great. Struggling towards getting a college degree in my mid 20s is not great. Not having any career path for myself after so long is not great.
If there is a god, I don't know if they would ever consider me an equal on this Earth.
I didn't ask for this shit. I never labelled myself as one. A bunch of people I knew a long time ago on the Internet did. I don't understand how I'm like this. Nobody I knew sexually abused me, as far as I can tell.
The closest thing I've had with sexual trauma is the fact that I tried to hang out with people twice my age on the Internet when I was about 9-15. One of them gave me the link to the lemon party website.
You can show me movies like It's a Wonderful Life a thousand times, and I would have yet to put myself in that where some ghosts of Christmas past tries to show me that my life s valuable. I am ashamed for being brought into this world. I feel as if someone hated my existence and decided to make me very much into diapers.
I don't know if I can be normal through any psychiatric means. My life would be over if people find out what I truly am. My address would be doxxed and I would probably have a few people threatening to kill me.
Waking up every morning and knowing what my past has given me is not great. Thinking about the people whom I've unintentionally hurt is not great. Struggling towards getting a college degree in my mid 20s is not great. Not having any career path for myself after so long is not great.
If there is a god, I don't know if they would ever consider me an equal on this Earth.
