Story helped a lady today, felt human

[monetpompo]

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I helped a woman today even though I feel resentful towards everyone around me. The woman might've been around my age, maybe older. She needed help getting the address of the place we were in for her uber, since we were in a pretty big plaza with at least 20 stores, so I smiled and said "Yeah, sure". I pulled my phone out of my bag, a little jingle from the phone charms on my case as I did, and I opened Google Maps. I didn't hate her, even though I hated the couples I passed by and the groups of people walking to and from stores, because she was alone, like me, and anxious about getting home. I only remember it's the weekend when there's a lot of people outside.

The wifi in the plaza was bad. I was using my phone data. I got separated from my friends I was meeting up with because my texts were delayed. I laughed watching my phone try to load the location of the restaurant we were standing next to and said, "Man, it's so slow!". First, the name of the restaurant loaded in, the distance from us, a pause, then the address. I tilted the phone towards her to show her the address. She typed it in. I looked at both of our phones. We were under the awning of the restaurant. It was hot and I had to squint when I was in the sunlight. She must've thought I was someone friendly looking.

She finished. "Thanks!", she said.
"No problem. I hope you get home safe, ma'am." I felt myself smiling. This is how normal people act.
"You too."

Then I walked away since I needed to go hang out with my friends. I didn't want to ask more about her. I figure she wouldn't care, since I wouldn't want a random to start a conversation with me either. She probably doesn't remember me anymore.

This only happens a little. More rarely now that I barely leave the house. I was in Walgreen's the other day, and a man held 2 flower bouquets up and asked which one would be better to give to a girl. I said the one with the bear hanging off it. He asks the girl behind the register and the older man standing behind me. They say the other one without the bear. I find it funny that I'm the only one that liked the one with the little bear on it, and I tell them they must not like me.

I live in a bubble at home where I seethe about things and resent everyone around me, but a switch gets turned on when you're around people in a store or when someone asks you a random question. I'm going to die soon. I'll miss random people talking to me. I'll miss my friends that I feel distant from now. Today was the last time I'll meet up with them again. I think it's weird how I can feel complete apathy looking back on all my old photos of when I hung out with my sister or my friends, but still be able to enjoy people's company. I feel detached from most things now. I hung out with my friends today but I'm already filtering it out of my head because I don't actually care that I saw them. I hardly care about anything. No matter what I do, what I remember, or how I'll continue to act, I'll still think that I could never be heard from again and it won't matter at all. When I helped the lady find her pickup address, I felt a little better, since I didn't need to think about how worthless I felt compared to everyone else in my life. Normal people don't have that weight on their shoulders all the time. I'm extremely jealous of people that don't depression constantly weighing on them. I get angry about it and feel guilty that I'm angry at people happier than me. Part of me thinks I'm just losing my mind. I'm really still the same, but I've just lost the hope that things will get better.

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[bankai]

Very nice monet.Feeding ducks, Helping people. Seems like you're living your best life.

 

[monetpompo]

Very nice monet.Feeding ducks, Helping people. Seems like you're living your best life.

thank you bankai. you're very well-versed in my posts. i'm not allowed to feed ducks though since it messes with the ecosystem

 

[darksouls]

only photograph

 

[thebiggestduck17]

I try to help people whenever I can, but I stopped going outside so I haven't been able to help anyone (Usually when I help people Its just me getting their soccer/basketball unstuck from somewhere for them, its not a lot but I still feel like I'm being helpful)

 

[monetpompo]

Usually when I help people Its just me getting their soccer/basketball unstuck from somewhere for them, its not a lot but I still feel like I'm being helpful

thank you for the reply thebiggestduck17.
you probably still made the people with their balls stuck happy. i think most people end up needing help at places like school or big plazas like the one i just went to. last semester i think i just started resenting school since i faded into the background too much and people didn't want to interact with me, instead of someone they could actually perceive. that messed with my perception of myself pretty hard. one of my favorite things to do is to help my sister with grocery shopping, but we hardly ever do it anymore because our parents go grocery shopping instead. i think i liked the feeling of helping out just by existing.

 

[thebiggestduck17]

thank you for the reply thebiggestduck17.
you probably still made the people with their balls stuck happy. i think most people end up needing help at places like school or big plazas like the one i just went to. last semester i think i just started resenting school since i faded into the background too much and people didn't want to interact with me, instead of someone they could actually perceive. that messed with my perception of myself pretty hard. one of my favorite things to do is to help my sister with grocery shopping, but we hardly ever do it anymore because our parents go grocery shopping instead. i think i liked the feeling of helping out just by existing.

when I was in school I use to try to help people who were lonely like me, like if there was a new kid I'd show them around the school bc I remember bein da new kid (not trying to humble brag)

 

[damienlerone03]

one of my favorite things to do is to help my sister with grocery shopping, but we hardly ever do it anymore because our parents go grocery shopping instead. i think i liked the feeling of helping out just by existing.

my dad does the grocery shopping mostly and when he comes back i always try to carry as many things as i can in as many little trips as possible. its like a fun little challenge that also tests strength too. i have like 2 cartons of milk on each hand with yogurt and a bunch of different bags of vegetables squished in between and then i just carry like a bag of potatoes or something with my teeth. it's pretty fun.

 

[monetpompo]

its like a fun little challenge that also tests strength too. i have like 2 cartons of milk on each hand with yogurt and a bunch of different bags of vegetables squished in between and then i just carry like a bag of potatoes or something with my teeth.

most insane person on sasu actually. i would not able to accomplish this

 

[Praestat_Mori]

That's great! Helping others is always great!

 

[bankai]

you probably still made the people with their balls stuck happy

Hmm,he made sure to mention soccer and basketball but you made the joke anyway,monet's got jokes!

I was walking with some heavy bags of groceries in both hands and these kids from far away hit a ball right past me. They were shouting for me to retrieve the ball for them. However. That would mean that I'd have to keep my groceries on the road. I had to pretend I couldn't hear them. It still haunts me to this day.

thank you bankai. you're very well-versed in my posts. i'm not allowed to feed ducks though since it messes with the ecosystem

Ahh right.You even posted a picture of that sign that asks not to feed them. I recall now.

 

[EmptyBottle]

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View attachment 168768​

I helped a woman today even though I feel resentful towards everyone around me. The woman might've been around my age, maybe older. She needed help getting the address of the place we were in for her uber, since we were in a pretty big plaza with at least 20 stores, so I smiled and said "Yeah, sure". I pulled my phone out of my bag, a little jingle from the phone charms on my case as I did, and I opened Google Maps. I didn't hate her, even though I hated the couples I passed by and the groups of people walking to and from stores, because she was alone, like me, and anxious about getting home. I only remember it's the weekend when there's a lot of people outside.

The wifi in the plaza was bad. I was using my phone data. I got separated from my friends I was meeting up with because my texts were delayed. I laughed watching my phone try to load the location of the restaurant we were standing next to and said, "Man, it's so slow!". First, the name of the restaurant loaded in, the distance from us, a pause, then the address. I tilted the phone towards her to show her the address. She typed it in. I looked at both of our phones. We were under the awning of the restaurant. It was hot and I had to squint when I was in the sunlight. She must've thought I was someone friendly looking.

She finished. "Thanks!", she said.
"No problem. I hope you get home safe, ma'am." I felt myself smiling. This is how normal people act.
"You too."

Then I walked away since I needed to go hang out with my friends. I didn't want to ask more about her. I figure she wouldn't care, since I wouldn't want a random to start a conversation with me either. She probably doesn't remember me anymore.

This only happens a little. More rarely now that I barely leave the house. I was in Walgreen's the other day, and a man held 2 flower bouquets up and asked which one would be better to give to a girl. I said the one with the bear hanging off it. He asks the girl behind the register and the older man standing behind me. They say the other one without the bear. I find it funny that I'm the only one that liked the one with the little bear on it, and I tell them they must not like me.

I live in a bubble at home where I seethe about things and resent everyone around me, but a switch gets turned on when you're around people in a store or when someone asks you a random question. I'm going to die soon. I'll miss random people talking to me. I'll miss my friends that I feel distant from now. Today was the last time I'll meet up with them again. I think it's weird how I can feel complete apathy looking back on all my old photos of when I hung out with my sister or my friends, but still be able to enjoy people's company. I feel detached from most things now. I hung out with my friends today but I'm already filtering it out of my head because I don't actually care that I saw them. I hardly care about anything. No matter what I do, what I remember, or how I'll continue to act, I'll still think that I could never be heard from again and it won't matter at all. When I helped the lady find her pickup address, I felt a little better, since I didn't need to think about how worthless I felt compared to everyone else in my life. Normal people don't have that weight on their shoulders all the time. I'm extremely jealous of people that don't depression constantly weighing on them. I get angry about it and feel guilty that I'm angry at people happier than me. Part of me thinks I'm just losing my mind. I'm really still the same, but I've just lost the hope that things will get better.

╚══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╝​

Mm, glad u felt good helping others, I feel good when helping and/or trying to help. She might remember for a decent while, no idea how long, you could be the only person who gave her help in a while.

Also, even 'normal' people make comparisons to others, wishing they knew more, didn't make XYZ mistakes, or were more like person X, etc. A better comparison could be comparing self to previous self a week ago to see improvement... or note down what is desired and attempt action to feel like one felt a while ago

 

[madwoman8]

Sending love. I know how hard it is when you feel depression and lonely and detached and others don't seem to feel that way and go on about their life being able to easily connect. It does feel good when you help others or even getting out and doing something normal like grocery shopping reminds me I'm human interacting with others just living their life doing the best they can.

 

[Hollowman]

Congrats on feeling human it's been a while for me. I've had a couple moments lately though. Being detached sucks.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Raindancer]

Helping others is the best way to get out of ourselves and think of others. When I do go out I try and do things, mostly just very simple things like like letting someone in in traffick, or letting them go in front of me inline. Those can go along way as when I am having an excruciatingly hard day, something simple like that really stands out. Especially in today's world where everybody's face is in their phones and tempers are quick to ignite.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I sometimes get those moments too. Rarely now, seeing as I rarely leave the house. But still, the odd interaction and it occurs to me that I'm suddenly living a 'normal' life. I sometimes find myself hoping I pulled it off ok. Did I appear 'normal' enough? I suppose the irony is- they may be thinking the same thing.

I'm always quite surprised/ relieved when social interactions go well. Social anxiety means I tend to anticipate the very worst all the time.

I bet she was grateful someone helped her. I've been that person before- lost and needing help. It's a relief when someone is kind enough to help. This tends to be me when I'm asked for directions though... I want to be polite and helpful but, I'm geographically clueless: