Help [HELP NEEDED ASAP] How do I just give up entirely on life?

[I hate it]

Hello,

I am 18 years old, I turn 19 in 2 weeks. For the last year and two months, I have mindlessly crushed on multiple girls who I either do not know, or if I do know them, I just don't see them that often to even try to attempt to make moves on them. It all started back in November of 2024 during the weekend right before Thanksgiving that year, I followed this girl I knew from middle school on Instagram, who had been going to my old elementary school (K-12) that I went to up until 6th grade. She followed me back not long after I followed her and that's when this "crushing" stuff started. At the time in November 2024, I hadn't seen the said girl since May of the same year, which was only six months ago at the time. To this day, January 18th, 2026, I have not seen her since May of 2024, which is now nearing two years ago. This crush started to turn for the worst in March of last year when this girl started catching feelings for a former classmate of mine who I didn't get along well with. The girl eventually got into a relationship with the guy in May, which forced me to move on from her. However, in late July, the two broke up, and of course, my interest for the girl came back. She entered her freshman year of college last August, as for me, I am currently jobless (a NEET) still living in my parent's house with no intention to apply to any college or apply to any job (I already have a few times applied for a job, but have had no luck with any.)

As for now, I have moved on from this girl, but the problem is, I keep thinking of other girls that I could "possibly" make moves on that I find attractive. I deleted Instagram and Facebook entirely back in November, however, as of late I have been lurking on Instagram under "secret" accounts I had laying around. I have scheduled deletion on all of them as of writing this. All these girls I keep seeing that my stupid mind thinks I'll have a "chance" with either go to college, or if they aren't in college they go to different churches that I am unfamiliar with. I know you're probably thinking, "Why don't you just go to their church then?" The purpose of going to church is to worship Jesus, not chase after girls. Also, I don't have a driver's license so it's up to my parents to take me to said churches, but they obviously won't, especially when they find out my reason to why.

All I'm asking is how the hell do I manage to move on on this shit and "give up" on life, not as in taking my own life, but as in to just stop caring about what I don't have and to be happy and content? How do I stop focusing on this stuff? How do I just move on and forget all of this and be happy as well as content? This shit has been stressing me the hell out almost daily ever since the latter half of summer last year, and I want it to stop, NOW.
Also, I'm sorry for how crappy this was written out. I probably made a lot of grammar mistakes, but oh well. There's just too much to say, I don't even feel satisfied with all this I've already put out.

 

[Dot]

Hello,

I am 18 years old, I turn 19 in 2 weeks. For the last year and two months, I have mindlessly crushed on multiple girls who I either do not know, or if I do know them, I just don't see them that often to even try to attempt to make moves on them. It all started back in November of 2024 during the weekend right before Thanksgiving that year, I followed this girl I knew from middle school on Instagram, who had been going to my old elementary school (K-12) that I went to up until 6th grade. She followed me back not long after I followed her and that's when this "crushing" stuff started. At the time in November 2024, I hadn't seen the said girl since May of the same year, which was only six months ago at the time. To this day, January 18th, 2026, I have not seen her since May of 2024, which is now nearing two years ago. This crush started to turn for the worst in March of last year when this girl started catching feelings for a former classmate of mine who I didn't get along well with. The girl eventually got into a relationship with the guy in May, which forced me to move on from her. However, in late July, the two broke up, and of course, my interest for the girl came back. She entered her freshman year of college last August, as for me, I am currently jobless (a NEET) still living in my parent's house with no intention to apply to any college or apply to any job (I already have a few times applied for a job, but have had no luck with any.)

As for now, I have moved on from this girl, but the problem is, I keep thinking of other girls that I could "possibly" make moves on that I find attractive. I deleted Instagram and Facebook entirely back in November, however, as of late I have been lurking on Instagram under "secret" accounts I had laying around. I have scheduled deletion on all of them as of writing this. All these girls I keep seeing that my stupid mind thinks I'll have a "chance" with either go to college, or if they aren't in college they go to different churches that I am unfamiliar with. I know you're probably thinking, "Why don't you just go to their church then?" The purpose of going to church is to worship Jesus, not chase after girls. Also, I don't have a driver's license so it's up to my parents to take me to said churches, but they obviously won't, especially when they find out my reason to why.

All I'm asking is how the hell do I manage to move on on this shit and "give up" on life, not as in taking my own life, but as in to just stop caring about what I don't have and to be happy and content? How do I stop focusing on this stuff? How do I just move on and forget all of this and be happy as well as content? This shit has been stressing me the hell out almost daily ever since the latter half of summer last year, and I want it to stop, NOW.
Also, I'm sorry for how crappy this was written out. I probably made a lot of grammar mistakes, but oh well. There's just too much to say, I don't even feel satisfied with all this I've already put out.

Slf only hve fw pnts & sggestns

-- = snds as tho u r gttng infatu8td wth 'ideas' of ppl rathr thn gttng t/ knw or C thm as unque ppl - if u r gttng fix8td or obsessd on ppl tht u d/ nt knw thn = mght sy mre abt ur despratn fr rlatnshp in genrl rathr thn th/ emotnlly helthy wy of gttng 2 knw ppl etc

The purpose of going to church is to worship Jesus, not chase after girls. Also, I don't have a driver's license so it's up to my parents to take me to said churches, but they obviously won't, especially when they find out my reason to why.

Findng wys t/ gt t/ knw mre ppl in th/ Christn cmmunty = nt tht awfl tbh as lng as u r nt b-ing a crp - churchs r oftn tryn2 fnd wys t/ gt Christns meetng & minglng wth othr Christns -- thre wll also b plnty of Christn D8tng stes whre u cn brwse ppl wh/ r also actvly lookng fr rlatnshps

Also 'flrt 2 convrt' = a knwn thng s/ thre r 2 sdes t/ tht perspctve

Slf usd 2 knw ppl wh/ wld vist othr churchs t/ mt mre ppl whch = fne agn as lng as u r nt b-ing a creepr

Cld also b gd t/ lk @ ur othr rlatnshps in ur lfe tho e.g frnds/socl circls as th/ mre helthy & satsfyng rlatnshps u hve in ur lfe thn th/ mre lkely u wll b in helthr plce fr romantc rlatnshps

 

[TDF]

I'm translating for dot's response above

"I only have a few points and suggestions:

It sounds as though you are getting infatuated with ideas of people rather than getting to know or seeing them as unique people. If you are getting fixated or obsessed with people that you do not know, then this might say more about your desperation for a relationship in general rather than this being an emotionally healthy way of getting to know people"

"
Finding ways to get to know more people in the Christian community is not that awful, to be honest, as long as you are not being a creep. Churches are often trying to find ways to get Christians meeting and mingling with other Christians — there will also be plenty of Christian dating sites where you can browse people who are also actively looking for relationships.

Also, "flirt to convert" is a known thing, so there are two sides to that perspective.

I used to know people who would visit other churches to meet more people, which is fine again as long as you are not being a creeper"

It could also be good to look at your other relationships in your life though, for example friends and social circles, as the more healthy and satisfying relationships you have in your life, the more likely you will be in a healthier place for romantic relationships."

 

[sanctionedusage]

The purpose of going to church is to worship Jesus, not chase after girls.

then why did Jesus endorse co-ed churches and make it such a social practice? would Jesus want you to die alone or to find another religious girl to start a nice Christian family with? religious gatherings were always meant to bring others of the same religion together. not just platonically, but romantically too.

All I'm asking is how the hell do I manage to move on on this shit and "give up" on life, not as in taking my own life, but as in to just stop caring about what I don't have and to be happy and content? How do I stop focusing on this stuff? How do I just move on and forget all of this and be happy as well as content?

literally only reaching rock bottom, hell on earth, a tortuous existence will do that.

i only became extremely content with everything i have when my health and quality of life were destroyed by an eating disorder that wouldve killed me by now, along w severe ocd-like anxiety. severe mental and physical illness basically. as soon as i started recovering from those, the simplest things became euphoric. so happy i could eat regular food, go hours without meals and feel normal, i could get up and do chores, i could shower and brush my teeth, i could go outside, i didn't wake up at night sweating and severely nauseous with my heart rate 180+. it's basically just experiencing a living hell that will make you truly grateful for the mundane/bare minimum. any other "method" is just pretending and forcing an attitude you don't really understand. i'm a neet 20yo with no social life and no purpose but i'm ecstatic with my life; it's not at all why i want to ctb. i feel like i live lavishly just because i have average health again.

 

[EmptyBottle]

then why did Jesus endorse co-ed churches and make it such a social practice? would Jesus want you to die alone or to find another religious girl to start a nice Christian family with? religious gatherings were always meant to bring others of the same religion together. not just platonically, but romantically too.

To make females feel more included.

literally only reaching rock bottom, hell on earth, a tortuous existence will do that.

i only became extremely content with everything i have when my health and quality of life were destroyed by an eating disorder that wouldve killed me by now, along w severe ocd-like anxiety. severe mental and physical illness basically. as soon as i started recovering from those, the simplest things became euphoric. so happy i could eat regular food, go hours without meals and feel normal, i could get up and do chores, i could shower and brush my teeth, i could go outside, i didn't wake up at night sweating and severely nauseous with my heart rate 180+. it's basically just experiencing a living hell that will make you truly grateful for the mundane/bare minimum. any other "method" is just pretending and forcing an attitude you don't really understand. i'm a neet 20yo with no social life and no purpose but i'm ecstatic with my life; it's not at all why i want to ctb. i feel like i live lavishly just because i have average health again.

Well done on your recovery :3

 

[sanctionedusage]

To make females feel more included.

that makes zero sense, why not endorse female only churches then, alongside male-only ones? christianity was always meant to be embedded in every factor of a follower's life, including and especially romantic aspects. the more christian couples, the more christian families = the more christians overall. marriage, a covenant between a religious man and woman, is literally a sacrament in the catholic church you're explicitly expected to fulfill. this is the heart of any long lasting religion, to further spread the belief through your offspring. the point of co-ed churches has always been to connect members for this purpose.

 

[EmptyBottle]

that makes zero sense, why not endorse female only churches then, alongside male-only ones? christianity was always meant to be embedded in every factor of a follower's life, including and especially romantic aspects. the more christian couples, the more christian families = the more christians overall. marriage, a covenant between a religious man and woman, is literally a sacrament in the catholic church you're explicitly expected to fulfill. this is the heart of any long lasting religion, to further spread the belief through your offspring. the point of co-ed churches has always been to connect members for this purpose.

Interesting.

Imo it has multiple purposes... allow families to worship at the same church, connect people who may end up starting future families to keep the church going, make the church fuller, encourage community, etc.
I see the sacrament of marriage, not as a requirement, but as an option that some people choose and others don't. For me, I doubt I'd choose marriage.

 

[sanctionedusage]

Interesting.

Imo it has multiple purposes... allow families to worship at the same church, connect people who may end up starting future families to keep the church going, make the church fuller, encourage community, etc.
I see the sacrament of marriage, not as a requirement, but as an option that some people choose and others don't. For me, I doubt I'd choose marriage.

i mean, the other purposes don't matter. the point of bringing the topic up in the first place is to correct op's assumption that using church to "chase after girls" instead of "worshipping Jesus" being sinful or wrong is inherently false. That's impossible when churches and places of worship were specifically designed to harbor (connection, relationship) and then ultimately spread (creation of families) the religion, which is what Jesus/the Bible wants. all of your listed alternative purposes can be fulfilled the exact same way with sex-separated churches, but that was never started as a practice... because unification and marriage is a key part of christianity and always has been. OP thinks chasing after girls is inappropriate for a christian's place of worship, when it's actually the entire point of how it was designed: to be co-ed, inclusive, and built on a common belief. the sacrament is a requirement in catholicism as it's described as the stages of a follower's spiritual mission in life. you're absolutely expected to fulfill them to fully devote yourself to God and carry out your mission, according to that. whether or not you want to get married or carry out any of the other 6 sacraments doesn't matter to me either; the point of bringing this up is only to emphasize how strongly dating, relationships, and starting a family are fully encouraged in Christianity, to reassure OP that his interest in girls isn't a problem according to his religion and he's going about it in a fully christian way.

 

[EmptyBottle]

i mean, the other purposes don't matter. the point of bringing the topic up in the first place is to correct op's assumption that using church to "chase after girls" instead of "worshipping Jesus" being sinful or wrong is inherently false. That's impossible when churches and places of worship were specifically designed to harbor (connection, relationship) and then ultimately spread (creation of families) the religion, which is what Jesus/the Bible wants. all of your listed alternative purposes can be fulfilled the exact same way with sex-separated churches, but that was never started as a practice... because unification and marriage is a key part of christianity and always has been. OP thinks chasing after girls is inappropriate for a christian's place of worship, when it's actually the entire point of how it was designed: to be co-ed, inclusive, and built on a common belief. the sacrament is a requirement in catholicism as it's described as the stages of a follower's spiritual mission in life. you're absolutely expected to fulfill them to fully devote yourself to God and carry out your mission, according to that. whether or not you want to get married or carry out any of the other 6 sacraments doesn't matter to me either; the point of bringing this up is only to emphasize how strongly dating, relationships, and starting a family are fully encouraged in Christianity, to reassure OP that his interest in girls isn't a problem according to his religion and he's going about it in a fully christian way.

Thanks for clarifying.

 

[milly]

 

[Forever Sleep]

If these crushes feel obsessive and detrimental to your mental state, it might be worth considering whether they might be limerence.

I tend to think I suffer from it. Crushes on guys for 13+ years for me were horribly obsessive and disrupting. I eventually acknowledged that I was likely prone to it plus- how damaging it was to me overall so- I made efforts to stop myself. Mostly by stopping myself fantasizing about them in a sexual way. 'The Crappy Childhood Fairy' on YouTube makes some good videos about it.

I also found it useful to be forgiving towards myself. I felt so ashamed that I had these crushes on these guys because I was so ugly in comparison. I would obsess about obsessing. So- it helped to try and calm that side to it down. I don't think it's exactly our fault we can become obsessive or needful for the idea of love. We may have lacked it somewhere in childhood for instance. That's one cause.

We can- obviously choose how we act upon it though. Obviously, it's fine to befriend people but, this kind of obsession can lead to stalking behaviour- which obviously isn't good for anyone.

As Dot suggested though- seeing as you don't actually know these people that well- it may be the idea of them or the idea of your imaginary relationship together you are fixating on. I tend to think that ties in with it being limerence.

The obvious solution would be to try to start to join clubs- where you could start to meet women and get to actually know them.

Also to be honest with yourself - are you really in love with them and how they are acting or- are you creating a character based on them in your mind? The major 'tell' for me was that my real life crush would occassionally do something I found unkind. Not to say any of us are perfect but, it was enough to reconsider whether they were even a particularly kind person. Yet, within a few days, I'd be back to my rose tinted view of them. So- I tended to feel like it was an idealised version of them I felt love towards.