Hi,
Fuck me, is all I can say. This past week has been hell on earth. I had been seeing someone for awhile, they were great, they have a partner though. Part of me feels like I knew I was setting myself up for failure there. Although, some part of me kept screaming "they're great, they're worth it". I decided it was the responsible thing for me to do to tell her that I liked her, and she said she did too, and then she cried and hung up.
Two weeks passed and she reached back out, and after hot and cold streak of multiple text chains and short visits in passing, she decided no contact was best, and I'll have to respect that, but man, i liked her a lot. I saw her this week, for the first time in awhile, she looked happier and healthier than the last time I saw her. It feels like one of the most crushingly beautiful things. That I did the right thing, and it worked out for her, but I cant help but think about what could've been. I haven't cared about someone like this in a long time, and given that the advice and support I provided for her genuinely helped I can't help but want to cry, either as the heart break is too much or over the solace I find in her success.
It probably doesnt help I ran out of medication as i had attempted with it recently, which has amplified everything ten fold, however I am eating again(For better or worse). I tried SN, i obviously didnt take enough, or ate too much, or something as I am still here although i am experiencing discomfort after the fact. I don't know what I want to do, part of me hopes i can attempt as soon as possible(I assume there is like a tolerance with SN, while it was "planned out" i did very little research, i didnt even have a scale to weight it). Another wants to see where things go, I love her, i really do, and given she drove two hours just to see me for five minutes, there might be a real possibility of something. Only time will tell, lord knows how much more I have in me though.
Oh I can actually post now LMAO
Fuck me, is all I can say. This past week has been hell on earth. I had been seeing someone for awhile, they were great, they have a partner though. Part of me feels like I knew I was setting myself up for failure there. Although, some part of me kept screaming "they're great, they're worth it". I decided it was the responsible thing for me to do to tell her that I liked her, and she said she did too, and then she cried and hung up.
Two weeks passed and she reached back out, and after hot and cold streak of multiple text chains and short visits in passing, she decided no contact was best, and I'll have to respect that, but man, i liked her a lot. I saw her this week, for the first time in awhile, she looked happier and healthier than the last time I saw her. It feels like one of the most crushingly beautiful things. That I did the right thing, and it worked out for her, but I cant help but think about what could've been. I haven't cared about someone like this in a long time, and given that the advice and support I provided for her genuinely helped I can't help but want to cry, either as the heart break is too much or over the solace I find in her success.
It probably doesnt help I ran out of medication as i had attempted with it recently, which has amplified everything ten fold, however I am eating again(For better or worse). I tried SN, i obviously didnt take enough, or ate too much, or something as I am still here although i am experiencing discomfort after the fact. I don't know what I want to do, part of me hopes i can attempt as soon as possible(I assume there is like a tolerance with SN, while it was "planned out" i did very little research, i didnt even have a scale to weight it). Another wants to see where things go, I love her, i really do, and given she drove two hours just to see me for five minutes, there might be a real possibility of something. Only time will tell, lord knows how much more I have in me though.
Oh I can actually post now LMAO
