April 26 is the one year anniversary of the day my best ever gf broke up with me. Every day since has been hell. I'm thinking of ending things then just to not keep living life like this, but I'm not as miserable and suicidal as I have been at times. This just feels like a fitting time to do it. And it's nearly summer so that and my slight lack of commitment is making me second guess myself. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for with this post but I needed my thoughts out there
MatrixPrisoner
Enlightened
- Jul 8, 2023
- 1,832
Some people will try to tell you that CTBing over lost love is a bad reason. I feel that any cause for feeling suicidal is justified no matter what it may be. You feel the way you do for a reason. However, it does seem like time has healed the wound a little bit. At 44, I can say that time will almost always heal them. But the perpetual opening of a new wound after the old wound heals is a different story. Life is nothing but wound, after wound, after wound. I can't take this constant infliction of pain any more. I won't wait for the stars to align to CTB. If I see a window of opportunity, I'm taking it.
I totally understand the poeticness of the perfect date but honestly if you're not ready then you're not ready. I would also be concerned that not feeling completely committed might make the situation more dangerous somehow. Maybe a higher chance of permanent damage and SI.
I've also looked up significant dates for myself have realized that I can't rush this process. I hope you find your peace.
Thank you, and yes the poetic ness is important to me. I also think of it as a preventative measure because I always end up feeling bad again
