Have you grieved yourself and your life?

[zizzou]

In my mind I am so sure I am going to end it by the end of the year. I started mourning myself as well. What could've and should've been. Who I might be if I made a different choice or better choices than this one. In a way its like accepting and going through a terminal illness because this is one. So I guess there are a lot of resources there. How did you do it?

 

[progressingdeath]

I feel like I did when I was actually willing to go through with it and it did help me actually make the step to end my life. Too bad it failed. Would of been perfect if it worked

I more did acceptance than mourning. It did fill me with great sadness though because I didn't do the things I wanted to do but I realized I wasn't willing to do them in the first place so it was natural to just not be around if I dread it so much. I love life but my cards just arent fit for it

 

[VoidBlessed]

I'm in the process of it right now. I wrote down each of my dreams on an index card, and as I wrote it was so painfully obvious that none of them would ever come true. Now I'm going to find a park where I can burn them. I think it will be cathartic.

 

[Vlad Tepes]

Constantly. It hurts me so much to know that there is so much that I have never achieved and never will be able to achieve, and its all because of the circumstances of my birth; the poverty I grew up in, my severe autism and ADHD, my unfathomably mentally ill parents, the severe trauma I have as a result of constant bullying, etc. Graduating HS? Never happened, I dropped out. Friends? Never had any. Parties? Never went. Vacations? None.

I'd be able to come to terms with it if I was one of those people who thinks life simpliciter is bad, but I'm not. On the contrary, what hurts me is precisely seeing how much I am missing out on, how much better everybody else has it, how miserable my own life is in comparison; I live in the greatest time to be alive. There have been times where Ive been convinced that I must have been some kind of mass murdering maniac in a past life to deserve a fate this bad. The only thing I want is to be reincarnated as who I've always wanted to be. I guess the only positive thing I can say is that I spend very little time regretting any of my decisions, as I was born in a proverbial coffin. My best decisions did not do much to make my life any better, and my worst decisions didn't make it a whole lot worse than it already was.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I don't grief myself rather I grief the life I could have had if I didn't fail big in life.

 

[zizzou]

Constantly. It hurts me so much to know that there is so much that I have never achieved and never will be able to achieve, and its all because of the circumstances of my birth; the poverty I grew up in, my severe autism and ADHD, my unfathomably mentally ill parents, the severe trauma I have as a result of constant bullying, etc. Graduating HS? Never happened, I dropped out. Friends? Never had any. Parties? Never went. Vacations? None.

I'd be able to come to terms with it if I was one of those people who thinks life simpliciter is bad, but I'm not. On the contrary, what hurts me is precisely seeing how much I am missing out on, how much better everybody else has it, how miserable my own life is in comparison; I live in the greatest time to be alive. There have been times where Ive been convinced that I must have been some kind of mass murdering maniac in a past life to deserve a fate this bad. The only thing I want is to be reincarnated as who I've always wanted to be. I guess the only positive thing I can say is that I spend very little time regretting any of my decisions, as I was born in a proverbial coffin. My best decisions did not do much to make my life any better, and my worst decisions didn't make it a whole lot worse than it already was.

I wonder if its better to have nothing than having everything and losing it all. And I guess its better to have loved and lost but my god everything I loved ends up in ash. You try so hard for so long only for the rug to be pulled when things are finally working out. 10 years ago I tried to jump but my friends stopped me. I wish they didnt

 

[Xiaojiu]

Yes, chronic illnesses and chronic pain 24/7 took everything from me. My job, my passions and hobbies, friendships, my independence, etc.

I grieve my old self and previous life every single day. I also grieve the life I wanted to have and thought I would have. I didn't think I would be where I'm at now.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Always in perpetual grief.

 

[Forever Sleep]

More in the way of feeling sorry for myself. Wondering how life would have turned out if my Mum hadn't died in childhood or, if I hadn't grown up with a (suspected) narcissist.

It's not that I think I always did the right things- that I'm blameless. I do have regrets. But, nothing exactly life changing. I'm not actually unhappy with the decisions I made in life. Just more the circumstances I found myself in. That's not to say I'd want to try again though- with better circumstances.

I don't exactly mourn for what/ who I could have been either. I mostly did my best with what I had. I even achieved (to some extent) some of the things I thought would make me happy but, they haven't.

I have a suspicion that that would continue to happen with other things too. So- it both seems pointless to try for them and, less sincere to mourn them.

I think I've come to the equally pessimistic conclusion that possibly nothing would be enough! I suppose I'd have to be so different than I am to feel another way and- would I want to be that other person even? Maybe not.

 

[fkyou]

Every moment