Discussion Has anyone else quit drugs but never felt "better" even years later?

[darlingdopamine]

I used to be addicted to coke and I've been in recovery 5 years now. Life didn't get better. I was promised by the world it would but it didn't. I'm more isolated. I have less sense of community. I'm just as depressed, but I don't get to escape it with a drug. I can't work, I'm disabled. I never feel joy, and wonder if my dopamine receptors even exist at this point. I also have severe treatment resistant depression plus anxiety/ADHD/who knows what else, none of which respond to meds, none of which improve with therapy. I don't want to relapse because my addiction wouldn't make things better. I wish I'd never quit often though. I wish I'd let it kill me. If past me had seen me now, I would never have quit. Absolutely not. And there's no one I can talk to about it. 5 years in recovery off coke, and I never did feel better. Things never got better. Can anyone relate?

 

[hereornot]

Drugs sucks

 

[darlingdopamine]

Drugs sucks

At least they took the pain away temporarily. Quitting drugs was the worst mistake I ever made when they could've just killed me so easily.

 

[roommate]

I wasn't even an addict and it screwed me over the same way as you :/

 

[twilightSparriw]

I used to be addicted to coke and I've been in recovery 5 years now. Life didn't get better. I was promised by the world it would but it didn't. I'm more isolated. I have less sense of community. I'm just as depressed, but I don't get to escape it with a drug. I can't work, I'm disabled. I never feel joy, and wonder if my dopamine receptors even exist at this point. I also have severe treatment resistant depression plus anxiety/ADHD/who knows what else, none of which respond to meds, none of which improve with therapy. I don't want to relapse because my addiction wouldn't make things better. I wish I'd never quit often though. I wish I'd let it kill me. If past me had seen me now, I would never have quit. Absolutely not. And there's no one I can talk to about it. 5 years in recovery off coke, and I never did feel better. Things never got better. Can anyone relate?

Been on weekend-coke for a couple of years quite a long time ago… seems light use bit i was still sort of addicted and it wasn't the coke per se that took me down but rather the alcohol with it, non sleep and the deep dark depressive hangovers that lasted a day followed by another day of unstable mind and insecurity… Stopping that was the best ever but that's just me… i'd rather overdose on my first ever heroin then…

 

[depthss]

i was never really addicted to anything, just took it a lot, and i regret stopping, probably going to go back to it at some point

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I really only smoked pot in my youth. I dropped acid a couple times, but never really liked it. Never any "hard" stuff. Drank a lot in my teens into mid 20's. Quit all of it when around 26, 27. I'm 59 now. I don't feel "better" in the sense I think you mean, but I felt better that I got all the monkeys off my back and have kept them off. My life never got "great" in spite of kicking all the bad habits.

 

[platypus77]

I used to be addicted to coke and I've been in recovery 5 years now. Life didn't get better. I was promised by the world it would but it didn't. I'm more isolated. I have less sense of community. I'm just as depressed, but I don't get to escape it with a drug. I can't work, I'm disabled. I never feel joy, and wonder if my dopamine receptors even exist at this point. I also have severe treatment resistant depression plus anxiety/ADHD/who knows what else, none of which respond to meds, none of which improve with therapy. I don't want to relapse because my addiction wouldn't make things better. I wish I'd never quit often though. I wish I'd let it kill me. If past me had seen me now, I would never have quit. Absolutely not. And there's no one I can talk to about it. 5 years in recovery off coke, and I never did feel better. Things never got better. Can anyone relate?

I've been clean from cocaine for 8 years now and 4 from alcohol.
It didn't improved anything, but I surely did less stupid shit.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

494 days fent/heroin free today. I absolutely miss it. i'm clean for now but i'm hardcore on not making promises I know are unfair to make.

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה,
Said this on here before but pharma blow substitutes are Ritalin (theoretically directly similar) or bupropion (maybe more seizure risk, maybe more euphoric, subjectively like getting half a pack of cigarettes in with everything).

While bupropion isn't too bad and basically has to be in sustained/further extended release forms so it doesn't kick too hard (though chewing one a time or two probably didn't kill me and wasn't much different, shotgun a coffee vs. sip a coffee, doesn't really add much since the norepinephrine effect has some primacy), the XR Ritalin was all teeth grinding and anxiety. If you enjoy lines maybe it's okay. I'd rather an immediate release and just have an hour of zoomies than six hours of twitching and having it kick in in the middle of "doomscrolling."

Bupropion is a bit less of a song and dance than Ritalin to get although probably nobody gives a shit about these pills now, be depressed/anhedonic or be trying to quit smoking. Ritalin may require proving your ADHD and "autism," where the preferred treatment is the far more addictive amphetamines, that they will try to get you going to Autism Support Group for, for your new Autism Lifestyle of helping or working cheap/unpaid for your Autism Friends and Autism Supporters, or ha ha, good luck quitting your new worse habit.

Let me add that if you don't drink with any of it, the decision making is less awful and you'll notice when the drug is keeping you up and maybe just not do the drug as much, as is cheaper and less mindless.

 

[identity0]

Drugs only ever improved my life and made me more productive. I am unable to relate to people who say that drugs harmed them. The anxiety and depression I experience while sober is far more damaging than the consequences of drug use. 5+ years since i have had access to opioids and it is clear that i was simply better when i took it everyday