Has anyone else here had their romantic partner die?

[YourLocalSadGirly]

My girlfriend took her life last October and it's completely destroyed my life. I quit my job, quit going to college, and have slipped back into the depression that I worked so hard to get out of when she was alive. I'm looking for anyone else that has experienced something like this to find some connection and maybe get some advice about grief. Will the grief ever get better? I know it will never disappear but will it improve at all? Is it possible to move on and find another relationship? Those are the main questions I have. If you're reading this I hope you're doing well <3.

 

[Sphinxi]

Hi, I have experience with suicide bereavement, but not with a partner. First I would like to say that I am very sorry about your girlfriend, and for it to have occurred so recently is tragic. In my experience, it does actually get better, you feel less paralyzed by grief, and you start thinking of them less. Sometimes, very rarely, and only now about seven years later, I can think of my memories with them without a feeling of despair.

I think the worst part about it is that you will never really be the same, and your ability to live your life may be harmed. At this point, I would say that the ways it has affected me are worse than the grief itself. It might take years, like it did for me.

 

[amor.dor]

I witnessed my partner's suicide. We met because we had suicidal thoughts and wanted to do it together, but we ended up falling in love in the process. This person was getting better, and I genuinely liked and supported that, but I was becoming increasingly depressed—not because of them, but because I was entering a process of understanding, called the nigredo, though I didn't understand it at the time. So, I broke up with this person to not take them with me to the grave, because I was already thinking of giving up and didn't want them to die just because I gave up on life. That decision of mine was perhaps a mistake, because one day this person called me to say goodbye, and I accompanied their CTB, trying at least to comfort them in their final moments... But after that, I couldn't feel anything anymore. At first, it seemed like things made no sense; my mind struggled to understand for at least four months. There wasn't a desperate pain. After four months, one day I felt the world collapse and an immense pain in my chest.I thought about killing myself, but I thought it would be too easy to run away, and the guilt wouldn't let me commit suicide. I spent a few weeks very sad, not wanting to do anything, but I didn't refuse the thoughts about the one I loved. Even though it hurt, I kept thinking about them anyway. Over time, I began to accept and understand. The guilt I felt started to diminish. As months passed, I began to remember this person with a certain tenderness—it was a bittersweet feeling; it hurt but also relieved. Nowadays, it's something I can remember without pain, even with a certain smile for who this person was to me...
But I don't want to date anyone because I think about suicide, so it would be cruel to date someone and then kill myself later. So I'm avoiding getting into a relationship again.
I don't know if my experience is of any use, but that's how I dealt with it.

 

[gunmetalblue]

I had a partner that passed away, i'm sorry you are experiencing this pain. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I still think about them all the time. It can get better, or just the grief in my experience becomes less noticeable on the daily. But sometimes you'll still cry yourself to sleep, and every tear will be a reminder or another confirmation that they are not coming back.
It can get better, maybe i'm not a good example, but I have seen this fact in others who share the same type of loss and that I am very proud of.
I wish you lots of strength and courage, my condolences and the best of luck.

 

[DogSandwichLove]

My partner died by suicide in September 2024. I found him while he was barely alive and tried to bring him back, but couldn't. The pain hasn't gone away for me, but some parts of me have been able to take over and somewhat manage my life. It's not easy. I think about ctb every single day still. I'm not sure what I'm living for and I'm also not sure what I'm afraid of happening if I die. If you want to talk more I'm more than willing

 

[Cyc]

I'm really sorry for your loss, grief is an awful thing to experience :( I've never had a partner die, but my best friend died last year. I felt similar to you at first, but after around 3 months it started to get better. What helped me was allowing myself to be sad over it, as it's a normal human reaction, idk if that makes sense

 

[Jisatsu]

I've had 3 . Overdose and suicides... it never gets easier you just learn how to manage the pain better over time.