Has anyone else been suicidal since childhood?

[Forever Sleep]

SInce I was 10. It started because of intense bullying by a family member. Plus, grieving for the 3 close family members who had died by then. The want to suicide never really left me since then. Although, the reasons began to change.

 

[Kamaainakupua]

I think since before 10, though I waited to talk to anyone about it until I was 12. Parts of my childhood were sanitized and didn't resurface until early 20's. I know for certain the 12 because I told a school counselor who, of course, told my parents (hooray for mandatory reporting!) They were going through a divorce and thought that was why, but no. I remember distinctly thinking that I didn't want to be alive to see age 12, so the thoughts were there before that.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

What age did it start?

If I remember correctly age 11. Although I could be wrong but I remember begging God to kill me by then

Why?

I was pretty severely bullied and beaten up for being weird (most likely due to autism, although I never got diagnosed with anything)

 

[Topaz111]

It started when I was 11-12. My first attempt was at 12-13.
It was mostly caused by shitty family, school, bullying and undiagnised autism, chronic illness and chronic infections (from stress) also made it all worse.

 

[Riu]

I think I was 11 or 10 when I asked my mom what we would do if there was a tornado. She told me that we would just die because there was nothing we could do and when I heard that I thought to myself and eventually thought wouldn't it just be better to die or something like that. I can't really remember but I think I thought, "Wow, we would just die just like that? There's nothing we can do at all? Just accept the cruel fate and not even try fight for our lives? Then what's the point, why do we even live if we won't even try to survive the tornado?" Or something like that. I don't even know if what I was thinking was logical because I was so young, but I just know I asked a teacher if it would be better if we just died.

I don't blame my mother for anything. I wouldn't say she was a good mom, but I know she was going through a lot at the time, and people who are hurt and prone to hurt others. It's not really her fault.

 

[Final Journey]

Since i was 13, I even went to the train tracks near me at that time and only cancelled my attempt last minute. I was never diagnosed with anything but at the time I was in a constant state of fear and everything started to feel like a chore and I just wanted it to stop. I still regret that I choose the worst option at the time: abandoning the attempt and not telling anyone about it.