Venting Got made fun of in a nightclub

[Lamentice]

I love dancing, I go out alone often to just dance, have been for years. I like dressing up, doing makeup, "turning a look" so to speak; 1/2 of it is getting to dress up as art and 1/2 of it is dancing that makes it fun. I've had so many issues the past year, from insanse misogyny at one gay club I had been a regular to on the weekends (don't go there anymore) to now this....

Multiple groups of adult women made fun of me a few nights ago. I took 5mg of THC to loosen up, but I don't drink, so I wouldn't really say I was not in my right mind to perceive what was going on around me. I mean women overtly mocking my dance moves, then laughing to each other, crowding in on me on purpose like they were trying to push me off the dance floor or even hit me, I don't know. I adjusted my skirt at one point and then immediately a group of adult women started pretending to adjust their jeans in a very mocking, bullying way and then laughed. Then the groups (it was like 3 groups before I just left) would leave my vicinity like I was a plague. One group was seemingly attempting to push me off the dance floor before a song came on and it was a faster beat so I was trying to ignore them and enjoy dancing faster and 2 of the girls left and I heard another tell their friend while looking at me, "Yeah, with that song specifically it was just really bad vibes."

Maybe my unsocial behavior from being schizoid gives off bad vibes? I don't participate with others much, no eye contact, don't like to chat or connect, but I am polite and keep to myself so what the fuck is the issue?

I heard another group making fun of how I was dressed, which all these women were next to me in clear ear shot so they really seemed to want me to know.

I used to have so much fun going out, even met people most nights, but in the past year it feels like I've transfered to a parallel universe where people are bullying in adult spaces in ways so absurd I would have believed they'd only happen in fucking fiction. Is this a social media thing? I haven't had social media in 2 years or more now... like what is this? I feel like I have whiplash.

I don't even know, I don't want something that has been an expressive, artistic, destressing outlet for me to be taken because grown adults are acting like teenagers, but.. I also don't want to keep going through this, it's crushing and infuriating.

I don't even know how to process this behavior from other people, I am genuinely so at a loss for how wild that experience was....

 

[Forveleth]

You ignore them. You do your own thing and be happy you can have a good time without needing to be an absolute cunt to someone else.

 

[Lamentice]

You ignore them. You do your own thing and be happy you can have a good time without needing to be an absolute cunt to someone else.

You're right, just kind of unsure how to do this right now, but I'm determined to go out this next weekend to have a better experience. Thinking I should just arrive early and claim a spot by the DJ booth so I can't even see other people the whole night and can just exist in my bubble.

 

[Forveleth]

You're right, just kind of unsure how to do this right now, but I'm determined to go out this next weekend to have a better experience. Thinking I should just arrive early and claim a spot by the DJ booth so I can't even see other people the whole night and can just exist in my bubble.

As someone who dresses "alternative" I leaned to literally ignore people. If someone does not look obviously distressed or like they very much need my attention, I do not even process their existence. My partner has made comments to me several time while out that people were staring at me or pointing and I genuinely had no idea. It is a skill that has to be developed but becomes natural with practice.

 

[Seneca65AD]

I absolutely envy your courage in being able to be yourself. My guess as an "armchair psychologist" is that the groups who are making fun of you are actually jealous. They could feel constricted by a certain role they are expected to play, then when they see you having fun and being free, the bullying behaviour starts.

As someone who has been expected to play a role the majority of my life, my opinion is you keep doing you. I know I'm going to have regrets that I never let the real me shine through. .... and I hope you don't have those regrets....so don't conform or role play - be yourself and screw anyone who it bothers. Forveleth has the right idea - develop your thick-skin and just be yourself.

 

[extremelyugly]

because grown adults are acting like teenagers, but.. I also don't want to keep going through this, it's crushing and infuriating.

I don't even know how to process this behavior from other people, I am genuinely so at a loss for how wild that experience was....

Oh... I wish you the best honestly; if you can accept that somehow I'd be honored to know how. This has been my latest 12 years, or let's say 10. Young, old, granny, adult, doesn't matter. My face is the ultimate "bonding" for them, just in a horribly negative way for me. It's basically them not growing up but also wanting to feel validated by their peers. There's absolutely nothing we can do, because if we even dare challenge them, they will unavoidably defer responsibility, by either making you feel like you're crazy, or trying to paint you as a "egocentric" for daring to think it's about you (even when they make it so painfully obvious it was lmao).

Suggestion for anyone: do NOT be ugly, and especially don't be an ugly guy. Very easy, right? I know.

 

[Lamentice]

Oh... I wish you the best honestly; if you can accept that somehow I'd be honored to know how. This has been my latest 12 years, or let's say 10. Young, old, granny, adult, doesn't matter. My face is the ultimate "bonding" for them, just in a horribly negative way for me. It's basically them not growing up but also wanting to feel validated by their peers. There's absolutely nothing we can do, because if we even dare challenge them, they will unavoidably defer responsibility, by either making you feel like you're crazy, or trying to paint you as a "egocentric" for daring to think it's about you (even when they make it so painfully obvious it was lmao).

Suggestion for anyone: do NOT be ugly, and especially don't be an ugly guy. Very easy, right? I know.

I go out in the regular day world dressed the same I do at the club and have a fine time ignoring people, but then again... I'm not stuck on a dancefloor in close proximity while getting ridiculed, I can keep walking away from people outside. I guess I do need a thicker skin, it's just extra puzzling to me because I've been clubbing for years and this feels like it's new... but yeah, I just gotta toughen up.

Good luck to you too friend humans are just disgustingly cruel and tribal by nature, I loathe them

I absolutely envy your courage in being able to be yourself. My guess as an "armchair psychologist" is that the groups who are making fun of you are actually jealous. They could feel constricted by a certain role they are expected to play, then when they see you having fun and being free, the bullying behaviour starts.

As someone who has been expected to play a role the majority of my life, my opinion is you keep doing you. I know I'm going to have regrets that I never let the real me shine through. .... and I hope you don't have those regrets....so don't conform or role play - be yourself and screw anyone who it bothers. Forveleth has the right idea - develop your thick-skin and just be yourself.

I was considering confronting them, good to know that really won't be worth it. Thank you

 

[softfur]

I used to have so much fun going out, even met people most nights, but in the past year it feels like I've transfered to a parallel universe where people are bullying in adult spaces in ways so absurd I would have believed they'd only happen in fucking fiction. Is this a social media thing? I haven't had social media in 2 years or more now... like what is this? I feel like I have whiplash.

you're not the only one who feels like people don't know how to behave socially anymore. i've always been pretty reclusive and socially unaware so i can't speak to the phenomenon much. the only thing people ever cite as an explanation is the social impact of covid, and yeah maybe... i don't know people are fucked up

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's not to diminish how awful the experience was. I would have felt crushed. But- think how pathetic those people were. To have not matured beyond high school! Imagine getting dressed up, meeting up with friends and paying for an experience and- rather than have a conversation about what's going on in one another's lives. Rather than just simply enjoy the music, the way they had 'fun' was to find someone to bully. That says a lot about their character. So- while it must have been hugely hurtful- does their opinion even count for much?

I also wonder- if it hadn't been you- it may well have been someone else they chose to target- effectively to make themselves feel better and feel unified. Almost like pack hunting/ pack mentality.

The embarassing part is- I belonged to a group at school who could behave like that- for a short time. I had the excuse of being a child I suppose but, even then, I eventually decided the 'leader'/ protagonist of our group was so bitchy and moved on.

Pity the people who have to be around those people all the time! I bet they're like that at other times too.

I wonder if there are clubs that are more accepting of everyone. I so hope you don't experience this sort of thing again.

 

[neverexistedd]

some adults are really childish, its embarrassing really