polarcrow_
Member
- Mar 11, 2025
- 22
timeframe:
8pm - last meal (pepperoni pizza and onion rings), clear liquids from here on out
7:30am - first buccastem tablet
9:30am - two more buccastem tablets
10am - 400mg ibuprofen, 1000mg paracetamol
11am- preparing sn mixture (I have four cups total, a bit overkill on the backup but it makes me feel better having them there)
and now. about 11:30am. here we are. It's absolutely bizzare, staring at cups with a cloudy liquid inside that will kill me
I've had a shower, used some of my nice products. It felt ceremonial and absolutely is what I needed.
I used room temperature water but once I mixed the salt in it made the water ice cold. It's so weird
I have a bottle of honey so I can squirt in my mouth to hopefully get rid of the taste and help with the burning throat while also not adding much to my stomach incase i throw up
The 9:30am buccastem dose is still dissolving underneath my lip and oh my god idk if proper buccastem tastes this bad of if it's just the offbrand "medreich" stuff that I have but ew. It's nasty. Tastes like I'm sucking on a paracetamol.
I have a playlist full of music I love and videos lined up to watch that'll keep me calm. I'm wearing my favourite shirt. A deep red with printing that says "hang in there" with a super buff muscular cat hanging from a branch.
I heard that SN can make you feel cold so I've got my heat pad ready to use if I need it but other than that… I think I'm ready.
There's a note taped to my bedroom door telling my mum to keep the cat out of my room and promising her that I had a peaceful death, along with a more thorough letter inside my room with more details; like what to do with my stuff, how to look after my pets (and permission to rehome them) and a sealed letter to a friend telling her to message certain people about my death (people that wouldn't otherwise be able to find out about my passing but people who I care about and should know). My mum won't be home until 6-7pm so that should be enough time for me to pass.
I'll try to keep updating until I lose consciousness. I may stay online if I forget to close the app. I've set my browser to wipe all browsing data upon the app being closed or in the background for more than 10min so hopefully that'll be a good enough precaution.
I keep hearing sirens and I keep thinking that I'm getting a welfare check for the SN purchase, but then they fade out into the distance. The joys of living next to a motorway & main road, eh?
8pm - last meal (pepperoni pizza and onion rings), clear liquids from here on out
7:30am - first buccastem tablet
9:30am - two more buccastem tablets
10am - 400mg ibuprofen, 1000mg paracetamol
11am- preparing sn mixture (I have four cups total, a bit overkill on the backup but it makes me feel better having them there)
and now. about 11:30am. here we are. It's absolutely bizzare, staring at cups with a cloudy liquid inside that will kill me
I've had a shower, used some of my nice products. It felt ceremonial and absolutely is what I needed.
I used room temperature water but once I mixed the salt in it made the water ice cold. It's so weird
I have a bottle of honey so I can squirt in my mouth to hopefully get rid of the taste and help with the burning throat while also not adding much to my stomach incase i throw up
The 9:30am buccastem dose is still dissolving underneath my lip and oh my god idk if proper buccastem tastes this bad of if it's just the offbrand "medreich" stuff that I have but ew. It's nasty. Tastes like I'm sucking on a paracetamol.
I have a playlist full of music I love and videos lined up to watch that'll keep me calm. I'm wearing my favourite shirt. A deep red with printing that says "hang in there" with a super buff muscular cat hanging from a branch.
I heard that SN can make you feel cold so I've got my heat pad ready to use if I need it but other than that… I think I'm ready.
There's a note taped to my bedroom door telling my mum to keep the cat out of my room and promising her that I had a peaceful death, along with a more thorough letter inside my room with more details; like what to do with my stuff, how to look after my pets (and permission to rehome them) and a sealed letter to a friend telling her to message certain people about my death (people that wouldn't otherwise be able to find out about my passing but people who I care about and should know). My mum won't be home until 6-7pm so that should be enough time for me to pass.
I'll try to keep updating until I lose consciousness. I may stay online if I forget to close the app. I've set my browser to wipe all browsing data upon the app being closed or in the background for more than 10min so hopefully that'll be a good enough precaution.
I keep hearing sirens and I keep thinking that I'm getting a welfare check for the SN purchase, but then they fade out into the distance. The joys of living next to a motorway & main road, eh?
I am reconsidering SN as a CTB option. Sounds like a pretty neat way to go. My only concern is if it will cause liver failure. Life as it is is bad and I don't want to worsen it further by damaging an organ.
