Venting Going out just makes me feel even worse

[SomewhatLoved]

I used to spend my time off work going out alone to parks and just wandering around, listening to music. It used to feel like getting out of the house was a nice break and it gave me something to do. But it feels like doing this for some reason just makes me feel even worse now. It's gotten to the point that I've just stopped going out because being at home strangely feels "less lonely" in some way.

But I don't really like being at home. When I'm at home I feel like I disappear into myself and I'm nothing, and I don't like it. Time just passes by and I don't even realize it. I just become a ghost or something. bleh.

 

[Dejected 55]

Being out and still alone makes me feel even more alone because I see others who are not alone. I know everyone has problems, but at least a lot of people have someone else sometimes. I never have anyone ever. And people like to talk about their lives and I'm reminded even more of what I can never have, what I can barely even imagine having. And I have to pretend to not be miserable or I have to have a conversation about it that will go nowhere and will itself be frustrating and remind me of how alone I am.

I don't hate people. I just am not one of them. I do not like being alone... but being actually by myself is strangely less lonely than being around other people. I feel most isolated in a group of people where I don't belong. It just magnifies my aloneness.

 

[astonishedturnip]

I hear you. I feel like I'm just some NPC that was randomly generated into the background of other people's lives. Everyone's in their friend groups or paired up and when I'm chatting up anyone for longer than a few sentences, I can feel how they're trying to end the conversation and get back to what they were doing... I don't know why I bother, lol.

Just sucks seeing these people with such full, rich lives, knowing it is like pulling teeth to get just one or two friends to hang out more frequently than once a financial quarter. I'm so alone lmao. I feel defective.

 

[unluckysadness]

Being out and still alone makes me feel even more alone because I see others who are not alone. I know everyone has problems, but at least a lot of people have someone else sometimes. I never have anyone ever. And people like to talk about their lives and I'm reminded even more of what I can never have, what I can barely even imagine having. And I have to pretend to not be miserable or I have to have a conversation about it that will go nowhere and will itself be frustrating and remind me of how alone I am.

I don't hate people. I just am not one of them. I do not like being alone... but being actually by myself is strangely less lonely than being around other people. I feel most isolated in a group of people where I don't belong. It just magnifies my aloneness.

i feel exactly the same