getting reckless

[spiders.in.my.head]

man, i've been getting reckless, with how done with life i am. ive been sh on my neck, which... yk, not the easiest to hide, and while the chances of cutting too deep are pretty low as far as im aware, ive been known to fuck up royally before. it scratches some itch to do it in such a vulnerable spot tho, temporarily puts the urge to ctb at rest. speaking of the urge to ctb, it's pretty much constant atp. just a week ago it was a passing thought every now and then, now its constant background noise in my head. i can barely focus on anything else, when i so desperately wish to close my eyes and never open them again.