Getting close to people only for them to distance themselves from me.

[Parnate]

I am a loner mostly. But there is a colleague at office . I bond so well with him. There is nothing romantic or sexual about. Just that I love his company.
Very often he tells things in a general way. I then immediately ask him very personal questions only to be given a rude reply.
So just now there were 7 of us from the same team, all men discussing various things. The topic came to abortion. He said that they( means his group of friends outside office) had one such issue which they resolved with great difficulty. Now abortion is a really big deal here in India, especially if the couple is unmarried.
I immediately asked him who it was? Whether it was him or his friend. He gave a very rude reply. Are you stupid? Am I going to tell you everything? .
This has been very hurtful. I hate that I end up asking such personal questions to him. But I tell everything about myself to him.
Maybe he didn't tell cause there were other colleagues as well.
I hate myself for being this intrusive.

 

[TBONTB]

I am a loner mostly. But there is a colleague at office . I bond so well with him. There is nothing romantic or sexual about. Just that I love his company.
Very often he tells things in a general way. I then immediately ask him very personal questions only to be given a rude reply.
So just now there were 7 of us from the same team, all men discussing various things. The topic came to abortion. He said that they( means his group of friends outside office) had one such issue which they resolved with great difficulty. Now abortion is a really big deal here in India, especially if the couple is unmarried.
I immediately asked him who it was? Whether it was him or his friend. He gave a very rude reply. Are you stupid? Am I going to tell you everything? .
This has been very hurtful. I hate that I end up asking such personal questions to him. But I tell everything about myself to him.
Maybe he didn't tell cause there were other colleagues as well.
I hate myself for being this intrusive.

First, don't hate yourself for anything! Everyone has things

But it does sound like your curiosity causes you to ask questions that are too personal or detailed to him, and he signals you that by getting a little rude. Maybe that's a habit you can gently try to change.

 

[Parnate]

H

First, don't hate yourself for anything! Everyone has things

But it does sound like your curiosity causes you to ask questions that are too personal or detailed to him, and he signals you that by getting a little rude. Maybe that's a habit you can gently try to change.

How do I do that? I mean it just happens so suddenly. Sometimes i just say things instinctively without thinking. How can i stop it ? I have this childlike excitability that I just don't know how to control .

 

[TBONTB]

H

How do I do that? I mean it just happens so suddenly. Sometimes i just say things instinctively without thinking. How can i stop it ? I have this childlike excitability that I just don't know how to control .

Oh yes, it's so much harder to actually make changes that it is to know we can make them.

So I'm not expert. I think try to notice the excitement and when you feel it, just say in your head "I feel that excitement feeling now". I'll give myself a few minutes before I talk

Another technique might be to practice using another question, something bland. Like "oh that's interesting, and you tell more about that?

Good luck...changing things is hard. I have a habit of making negative comments. They've gotten better over the years when I learned people really didn't like that!