Help FSH or SN ( for someone with very high survival instinct )

[Kikorama]

I have very high survival instinct, because i don't actually want to die, but my life is miserable because i can't achieve the goals i want and be the person i want to be because i have a chronic pain condition that deblitates my existence everyday and i have it for more than 10 years and since doctors/medicine aren't able to give me a fulfiling life i just can't keep dragging my depressive existence of thinking i can't never be who i want to be, seeing happy couples and people happy and knowing i can't never achieve that causes me panic attacks..

Why is this brief relevant, because i want a method that theres no going back once executed.

Partial Suspension dosen't work for me as i quickly get up and undo the knot

I also have a rule that i can't put my blood on third party hands soo anything like getting ran over by a truck/train is out of the equation and my ctb must in a isolated place where i can traumatize as less people as possible.

Since guns aren't legal in the european country where i live that isn't an option altough that would make it easier

The law for euthanasia has been approved by my governament in 2023 but it isn't on practice, Personally this would be the best option as i could gather a bunch of people that i could donate my organs since they are in great state and i'm young (25yo) and never had bad habbits, and this would grant me 100% success rate and my ctb would be usefull to save other people lives.

I also tought about injecting a lethal dose of fentanyl this would be a easy way to go out, but i don't know where to get it and this would be too risky if i get caught ordering it i go to jail

But as far as i'm aware I got two available options that meet my criteria Its either FSH or SN

I have my concerns about the two and i'm indecisive which to pick

With SN is that i don't have any anti emetic medication and i don't know how quick it is to ctb ( I didn't watch any videos online to avoid panic )

My Concerns with FSH is that i don't know if 20 mm thickness ideal enough just to cut the oxygen from the carotid artery i feel like less thicker ropes would hurt more and also could snap i wheigh (72kg) and i'm 1,65 cm , i also don't want to break my neck, And i don't have a place to do this yet

I just want to have things planned because as i try different treatments for my health condition and they fail to work i get more panic attacks in my head and i can't handle these traumatic emotions anymore soo i want to have it all planned soo when the time comes i can execute it and not fail.

Soo considering all this what is the best option for me FSH or SN?

 

[hdead]

I wouldn't encourage either method, before I write what's next.

When it comes to SI, try to visualize yourself in the actual moment. See the cup of SN mixed in front of you and think on what you'll be doing. SI will likely prevent you from drinking it. When it comes to FSH or PSH - from what I've read - it's easier to overcome since you can drop yourself down while still standing on something, stand back up, pass out and... well... CTB.

I am in a similar position right now. Not willing to continue life, but not wanting to die. This plane of existence is just really f*cking tough to be in right now. I have found a little solace in gathering the resources for a few methods and meditating on death daily. I might get better, I might not. We'll see. I am confident that when I get fed up enough I'll beat my SI.

As long as your SI is stronger than your will to CTB, you're simply not ready to do the deed. I think it's plain and simple.

It sucks to say, but when you isolate yourself enough and just simply don't look at the things that might have made you happy you may simply accept your fate easier. I struggled with anxiety and restlessness for the majority of my life. Even when I became what I wanted to be (moderately succesful, financially independant, attractive) I still couldn't find the purpose and fulfilment I was looking for. Then, in a psychotic break I sold all my shit and decided to move to another country. I regret it, but at the same time it feels like my subconscious really needed me to change my ways. For now I'm trying to dredge through the dark night of the soul, hoping the sun will come up someday. I have no hope as of now. I find courage in the fact that many people before me have mustered up the courage (or were just simply desperate enough) to pull through with such an act. One day, we might be able to follow them. If we can't, we're simply not ready.

 

[Kikorama]

I wouldn't encourage either method, before I write what's next.

When it comes to SI, try to visualize yourself in the actual moment. See the cup of SN mixed in front of you and think on what you'll be doing. SI will likely prevent you from drinking it. When it comes to FSH or PSH - from what I've read - it's easier to overcome since you can drop yourself down while still standing on something, stand back up, pass out and... well... CTB.

I am in a similar position right now. Not willing to continue life, but not wanting to die. This plane of existence is just really f*cking tough to be in right now. I have found a little solace in gathering the resources for a few methods and meditating on death daily. I might get better, I might not. We'll see. I am confident that when I get fed up enough I'll beat my SI.

As long as your SI is stronger than your will to CTB, you're simply not ready to do the deed. I think it's plain and simple.

It sucks to say, but when you isolate yourself enough and just simply don't look at the things that might have made you happy you may simply accept your fate easier. I struggled with anxiety and restlessness for the majority of my life. Even when I became what I wanted to be (moderately succesful, financially independant, attractive) I still couldn't find the purpose and fulfilment I was looking for. Then, in a psychotic break I sold all my shit and decided to move to another country. I regret it, but at the same time it feels like my subconscious really needed me to change my ways. For now I'm trying to dredge through the dark night of the soul, hoping the sun will come up someday. I have no hope as of now. I find courage in the fact that many people before me have mustered up the courage (or were just simply desperate enough) to pull through with such an act. One day, we might be able to follow them. If we can't, we're simply not ready.

I feel like my SI is still strong because i still have medical options i haven't tried yet, altough i don't seem to have this positive outlook because doctors can't figure out the cause of my pain soo therefore its harder for them to find treatment and treatment isn't allways sucessfull it depends on the person and from what i hear on subrredits like r/chronicpain people also don't seem to improve a good ammount soo they still live a limited lifestyle, I have chronic pain for over +10 years and i can't accept that i can't live a regular life, that alone gives me enough fuel to give up, but i still didn't do it because i still got some options its just hard to keep fighting and have no support from family whatsoever feels like the odds are against me,

But humans are self interested if i offer no value to them i become useless to them and thats what hurts me the most, but i can't get mad at this because men are only loved conditionally and people only care about you when you are happy it is what it is trying to change nature of things is pointless.

just got to fight for my life by myself and for myself and endure the panic attacks somehow

Your case is little bit differen't than mine feels like you lack a will to continue living while i still have a will to live that is if I improve with treatments

I will only know in the moment but the thing is FSH can be difficult to setup , i have a spot where i can do Partial suspension but that dosen't work with me as i can't commit to it

Soo i feel like SN i could just drink the solution and let it act, altough i don't know if in the moment i will force myself to puke its those things that you only know in the moment

I will try to look for a place where i can FSH

I'm not going to do it soon as i said but i will give myself till the end of the year and see how the medical outlook goes and by then i need to have it all planned out soo i can simply execute it instead of thinking about it

 

[ZeroRedz02]

I have very high survival instinct, because i don't actually want to die, but my life is miserable because i can't achieve the goals i want and be the person i want to be because i have a chronic pain condition that deblitates my existence everyday and i have it for more than 10 years and since doctors/medicine aren't able to give me a fulfiling life i just can't keep dragging my depressive existence of thinking i can't never be who i want to be, seeing happy couples and people happy and knowing i can't never achieve that causes me panic attacks..

Why is this brief relevant, because i want a method that theres no going back once executed.

Partial Suspension dosen't work for me as i quickly get up and undo the knot

I also have a rule that i can't put my blood on third party hands soo anything like getting ran over by a truck/train is out of the equation and my ctb must in a isolated place where i can traumatize as less people as possible.

Since guns aren't legal in the european country where i live that isn't an option altough that would make it easier

The law for euthanasia has been approved by my governament in 2023 but it isn't on practice, Personally this would be the best option as i could gather a bunch of people that i could donate my organs since they are in great state and i'm young (25yo) and never had bad habbits, and this would grant me 100% success rate and my ctb would be usefull to save other people lives.

I also tought about injecting a lethal dose of fentanyl this would be a easy way to go out, but i don't know where to get it and this would be too risky if i get caught ordering it i go to jail

But as far as i'm aware I got two available options that meet my criteria Its either FSH or SN

I have my concerns about the two and i'm indecisive which to pick

With SN is that i don't have any anti emetic medication and i don't know how quick it is to ctb ( I didn't watch any videos online to avoid panic )

My Concerns with FSH is that i don't know if 20 mm thickness ideal enough just to cut the oxygen from the carotid artery i feel like less thicker ropes would hurt more and also could snap i wheigh (72kg) and i'm 1,65 cm , i also don't want to break my neck, And i don't have a place to do this yet

I just want to have things planned because as i try different treatments for my health condition and they fail to work i get more panic attacks in my head and i can't handle these traumatic emotions anymore soo i want to have it all planned soo when the time comes i can execute it and not fail.

Soo considering all this what is the best option for me FSH or SN?

I think i am 72 kg too even if i see 70 kg maybe is an error of calculation because i am also 165 cm or maybe 175 yes it is 175 cm, but i am sure won't panic alot for SN it's just vomiting that's all and blue skin practically you become a smurf in a matter of minutes ahahahah anyway what is FSH?