deadtrash666
โง๐ญ๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ๐๐๐๐โง
- May 20, 2023
- 23
I'll never stop playing songs that you loved or that I think you would love, I'll never stop trying to be as cool as you. Yeah maybe I am a Mama's boy, but my mom was the coolest. The fucking coolest. I have nowhere to get these feelings out. I love you. I miss you. I wish I could have one more conversation with you. Even when everyone else has forgotten about you, I'll never forget. I am so privileged to have the friends that I have. The laughs that I've had since you died, but Ill never forget why I wear black. And I can't wait to make more laughs, smiles, and good times in the future, I just wish you could be there. But you're gone forever.
My mom had me young... I used to see slits on her wrists when I was kid. But we used to have tons of good times as a family... We were poor but we were always smiling, even through the pain and the struggles, fuckin power being out, wAter being out, too poor for good food but at least we had something every day. She did the best she could for me and my brother. She was a goth chick and my step dad was a metal head guy. My mom, my dad, my brother, me... We had a family, we struggled yeah, but we had each other and we always managed to smile... and it all fell apart and then I didn't even get to see my brother for years. And now as an adult all I have it memories, no answers, grasping at straws, the same cycle every year around May. All questions, no answers, and a sad, empty feeling of trying to connect to someone who's been gone for so long and who I'll never see again. I don't even wanna tell my feelings to anyone I know. Like I said my mom was a troubled person. Survivor of multiple SAs, kidnapping, abuse, she suffered from drug addiction, suicidal thoughts, but she loved us and tried so fucking hard. I go into more detail in another thread and I'm a lil drunk, but she died from an accidental overdose and I found her before school when I was a kid.
I just had a lot of raw emotions I needed to get out and get a good cry out. Listen to some songs she would've. She died on May 13th, it's like I get depressed before I even know why. Just start reminiscing and being depressed and then I see the date and it for some reason all makes sense. I'm 25 and this is even still bothering me at work and shit. Well. Its okay. She deserves a good cry for her every once in a while. I hope I'm not the only who still thinks of her or doesn't fight the memories. She wasn't a blip. She did a lot for people. So many people I didn't even know were at her funeral, many with stories about how she helped them when nobody else would, shit like that. She has a big heart. It was just bleeding. Hard. I love you mama. I would hug you if I could. I know you would be proud of me. I'm trying for you.
My mom had me young... I used to see slits on her wrists when I was kid. But we used to have tons of good times as a family... We were poor but we were always smiling, even through the pain and the struggles, fuckin power being out, wAter being out, too poor for good food but at least we had something every day. She did the best she could for me and my brother. She was a goth chick and my step dad was a metal head guy. My mom, my dad, my brother, me... We had a family, we struggled yeah, but we had each other and we always managed to smile... and it all fell apart and then I didn't even get to see my brother for years. And now as an adult all I have it memories, no answers, grasping at straws, the same cycle every year around May. All questions, no answers, and a sad, empty feeling of trying to connect to someone who's been gone for so long and who I'll never see again. I don't even wanna tell my feelings to anyone I know. Like I said my mom was a troubled person. Survivor of multiple SAs, kidnapping, abuse, she suffered from drug addiction, suicidal thoughts, but she loved us and tried so fucking hard. I go into more detail in another thread and I'm a lil drunk, but she died from an accidental overdose and I found her before school when I was a kid.
I just had a lot of raw emotions I needed to get out and get a good cry out. Listen to some songs she would've. She died on May 13th, it's like I get depressed before I even know why. Just start reminiscing and being depressed and then I see the date and it for some reason all makes sense. I'm 25 and this is even still bothering me at work and shit. Well. Its okay. She deserves a good cry for her every once in a while. I hope I'm not the only who still thinks of her or doesn't fight the memories. She wasn't a blip. She did a lot for people. So many people I didn't even know were at her funeral, many with stories about how she helped them when nobody else would, shit like that. She has a big heart. It was just bleeding. Hard. I love you mama. I would hug you if I could. I know you would be proud of me. I'm trying for you.
