Discussion For how long, and how seriously have you been idealizing?

[ophiastri]

I became curious when reading a resource on another site that said survivors ranked their intent from 1-30, and only 4% were "very intent" at 21+. easy 28-29 for me on that scale.

I have prayed to the void literally almost every single night of my life for the strength, knowledge, and willpower to be able to carry it out. It's surreal that it's finally going to happen.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I had to look this up, but you seem like you're talking about the Beck Suicide Intent Scale. I just self-evaluates based on if I was to attempt now and was at a 24. There was one point in my life I was at 29.

 

[LonelyNick]

I was in a suicide pact when I was 14. It's been on my mind since I was pretty young...

 

[Ghost2211]

I didn't understand that suicide was a thing till 15 or so, but I've never wanted to exist.

 

[HelloHell]

Been considering suicide for the past few years. I would say I'm at >25
25-26 on good days, 29-30 on bad days.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I was at a 20 with my attempt earlier this year, only because it was impulsive. If I went through with my planned attempt recently it would have been a 28. Yay.

I planned it out for a couple of weeks. It was going to be serious, and it was definitely going to kill me. Had a note, had things planned out, had future Christmas presents bought and everything. But my finances suddenly weren't looking good, and I want to have enough to cover the memorial and whatever else is necessary.

 

[sadworld]

I always wanted to be invisible when i was a child, when i found out about suicide i knew this was going to be my way out

 

[Lilacmoon]

For ten years now since I was a teenager. I knew without a doubt I would choose my own end.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

25+ on the scale, and for around 8-9 years.

 

[Mr2005]

I've never idealized it

 

[ophiastri]

I had to look this up, but you seem like you're talking about the Beck Suicide Intent Scale. I just self-evaluates based on if I was to attempt now and was at a 24. There was one point in my life I was at 29.

Suicide statistics: Statistics on ways to commit suicide

Lost All Hope is the one of the web's leading suicide resources, with lots of suicide statistics on the effectiveness of different methods.

lostallhope.com

This is the site where I found it. The citation for it is "Hawton, K., Harriss, L. (2007) Deliberate self-harm in young people: characteristics and subsequent mortality in a 20-year cohort of patients presenting to hospital. Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 68, 1574-1583" which seems to lead to this: https://www.psychiatrist.com/JCP/ar...oung-characteristics-subsequent.aspx?sclick=1

This is behind a paywall though, and the preview doesn't say anything about the suicidal intent ratings. Unsure if the scale you linked is buried in the $40 PDF but I think for our purposes, simply giving ourselves a number works well enough

 

[muffin222]

I started experiencing suicidal thoughts at age 11. They've ebbed and flowed in intensity continuously over the years. Fear of the unknown is the only thing that's really stopped me

 

[Lupgevif]

Five years now.

 

[ophiastri]

It doesn't seem like I can edit my OP (as an obsessive-compulsive editor ) but I wanted to clarify that I've been asking for the ability/means to do it or to die in my sleep every night for about twenty years (since age 8 or 9)

Just a random thing but in my research, I've come across people online who say things like "nothing displays more cowardice than suicide." it makes my blood boil with more violence than I can write in words. Anyone who tries brute-forcing their way through a living night terror with no hope of improvement for two decades and continues trying to push onward when everything in life is pointing a gun to their head is ANYTHING but weak. I really wish there was not such a stigma around this or stupid misconceptions like that out there.

 

[Spitfire]

It is probably getting close to four years now at this point, with a little lull in the seriousness of it during all the time.

Ever since about four years ago I have known, aside from an accident or more natural occurrence this will be the way.

 

[Shades of Grey]

It started (very intermittently) at 8. Have been chronically suicidal since I was 17, so a little over half of my life. The individual I forced myself to stay alive for is now dying, and I feel that my work here is finished.

Method has been obtained. If I were to attempt and fail today, I'd score 26-27.

 

[ItsOverIsntIt]

Ive thought about suicide since I was 14 only recently have I started acting more seriously on these feelings

 

[deleted]

I want to die since I was 13, it was only at that age that I realized that my life and my existence were a mistake, But my whole childhood I never liked myself

 

[BridgeJumper]

I think I got pretty serious lately
On the bridge at night with no phone, I even travelled to Germany twice in order to jump
15+ attempts in the past
Ruminating about everything - is it high enough, can I be impaled by a tree, maybe I should tie rope to the railing and break my neck, collecting drugs in order to cloud my mind before I attempt, saving maps and pictures of the bridge
Oh and I wrote down my will


But doctors will still say I want attention because I told them about my attempts that nobody knew about before, because Im desperate to get help.