Feeling worse after deciding to stay alive

[burninghill]

I've attempted far too many times in the past 4 months to the point where I kind of need a break to recover and holy shit, things just feel so much worse.

When I was actively planning suicide, I felt like my problems weren't bad enough to kill myself over. Now that I'm gonna be alive for a couple months, things just feel horrible. It's genuinely fucking stupid.

I'm just reminding myself that the minute things are genuinely too much, I can end it. Nothing is stopping me. My spot is only a half hour away or there's a train station behind my house if I'm seriously desperate. I'm not trapped behind anything other then my own mind

 

[braintorture]

I'm sorry for you. I hope things will get better for you.

 

[dewdfish]

I hope you find the peace you're looking for. I'm kinda on the same point as you are right now.

 

[burninghill]

I hope you find the peace you're looking for. I'm kinda on the same point as you are right now.

I'm sorry man, it's a difficult spot. Dull as hell

 

[AstralMadness]

I feel you. Been there, shit is rough when you decide to try and get better

 

[Jisatsu]

That's usually how it is ... I'm sorry

 

[burninghill]

I feel you. Been there, shit is rough when you decide to try and get better

Honestly I'm not even trying to get better, I'm just waiting until I feel ready enough to try again. It all gets really messy around Christmas, you know? And I have a uni deadline in January which feels pointless

That's usually how it is ... I'm sorry

Definitely not my first time in this situation

 

[AstralMadness]

Honestly I'm not even trying to get better, I'm just waiting until I feel ready enough to try again. It all gets really messy around Christmas, you know? And I have a uni deadline in January which feels pointless

Definitely not my first time in this situation

Ah, yeah I get that too, I've honestly been on both situations lol waiting to try again and waiting till it gets better. That aside yeah, Christmas is a messy date, uni does get hella annoying too when you just know you'll never go again soon

 

[burninghill]

Ah, yeah I get that too, I've honestly been on both situations lol waiting to try again and waiting till it gets better. That aside yeah, Christmas is a messy date, uni does get hella annoying too when you just know you'll never go again soon

Exactly. I don't have the balls to not do my work if there's literally a deadline round the corner but it does feel very pointless regardless.

 

[AstralMadness]

Exactly. I don't have the balls to not do my work if there's literally a deadline round the corner but it does feel very pointless regardless.

I feel you, I was there before I left university. Fucking sucks feeling trapped like that and not knowing whether you should or shouldn't do it