stardusted
Member
- Dec 28, 2025
- 18
i've pretty much made peace with the idea of dying. i understand that my life isn't going to get better and i know i don't want to experience this anymore. at first that made me feel hopeful because i finally felt like i saw an escape from suffering, but a new fear kicked in: i don't want to hurt others. my sister is depressed, my mom's dad is dying, and my girlfriend's had a partner die by suicide before; i feel like it would be wrong or evil or inhumane or something to make them all sad by dying. i don't get why i feel so guilty about it because they don't care much about me—it's not like i'm an interesting person or provide any value to them. but i know they would be sad if i died, because i think most people are sort of conditioned to feel that way for some reason. i don't think they'd get it if i tried to explain it would be a relief to not have to live anymore. has anyone else dealt with this before? why do i feel like i need to stick around for their sake when they don't care to understand me now? how do i get over it?
