well, didn't know i'd actually write a post like this, but perhaps someone has some advice. as the day draws nearer i find myself with alot of fear ..been having alot of panic attacks and axiety...heart racing and hands shaking. i had the shaking before becoming this commited. . i regret not doing it when i first planned on it....that would have been dec 2017. if i had known i could have gotten n cheaply in the country i was in i would have just stayed there and done it,
so my plan was come home see a couple friends and family then do it with fetynol. i got back and got a stong batch and waited.. the main cause was the knowlegde i wouldn't never see my beautiful son again..then his mom starts contacting me for money..and as long as i seent money she would let talkm my son and pretent she'd move back to th states with my son. i did keep the fent as my plan b, .
so i worked, amd worked alot even with all my numerous physical ailments. then my wife let slip she wasn;t ever coming back to the states, i started dipping little by little into the fent.kept working and trying to work things out with my wife. this past dec things just ended for my wife and i...and she hasn't let me talk to my son since..no send money..no talk to son..she cut of all my family and friends from my son.
i kept working almost every day,,, i was manager and just wanted to work.but everyday i thought of ending it..i just couldn't/can't live without my son.. there is no hope of fixing things i've since lost my job cuz my hands shaking so much... so here i am days away and i'm scared. i think just scared of the unknown that is death. i'm also alittle fearful i'll screw it up. to that end i've aquired alot of fent..pretty strong stuff no doubt..alot stronger than i do on a daily basis...and alot more. i'm just a snorter so i figered doing it intrveinous at a 6-10 times dosage should be good and another 10x dose rectally which is stronger than snorting it also. so i'm more than sure i got that covered...i just cant afford to wscrew this up.
i recently began taking clonopin for my anxiety and panic attacks. together with the fent it really suppresses the breathing thing. i already have heart and lung issues so adding that with everything else i should be good to go.but im scared...the unknown ? i'm not sure.
so i guess this is where i'm currently at
peace
tootired
plsforgive my typing..not the best at it and not in thebest frame of mind
so my plan was come home see a couple friends and family then do it with fetynol. i got back and got a stong batch and waited.. the main cause was the knowlegde i wouldn't never see my beautiful son again..then his mom starts contacting me for money..and as long as i seent money she would let talkm my son and pretent she'd move back to th states with my son. i did keep the fent as my plan b, .
so i worked, amd worked alot even with all my numerous physical ailments. then my wife let slip she wasn;t ever coming back to the states, i started dipping little by little into the fent.kept working and trying to work things out with my wife. this past dec things just ended for my wife and i...and she hasn't let me talk to my son since..no send money..no talk to son..she cut of all my family and friends from my son.
i kept working almost every day,,, i was manager and just wanted to work.but everyday i thought of ending it..i just couldn't/can't live without my son.. there is no hope of fixing things i've since lost my job cuz my hands shaking so much... so here i am days away and i'm scared. i think just scared of the unknown that is death. i'm also alittle fearful i'll screw it up. to that end i've aquired alot of fent..pretty strong stuff no doubt..alot stronger than i do on a daily basis...and alot more. i'm just a snorter so i figered doing it intrveinous at a 6-10 times dosage should be good and another 10x dose rectally which is stronger than snorting it also. so i'm more than sure i got that covered...i just cant afford to wscrew this up.
i recently began taking clonopin for my anxiety and panic attacks. together with the fent it really suppresses the breathing thing. i already have heart and lung issues so adding that with everything else i should be good to go.but im scared...the unknown ? i'm not sure.
so i guess this is where i'm currently at
peace
tootired
plsforgive my typing..not the best at it and not in thebest frame of mind
