Venting fck love

[worstOFsociety]

So had a fight with my partner because I refused to block my friend who I've known for 2 years. My partner basically just wants me to block my friend due to jealousy honestly and started threatening me and giving me ultimatums and as I continue to stand my ground he becomes more and more aggressive until he gets me to join a call with him where he then proceeds to insult me for an hour telling me how much he hates me and how he's going to destroy my friend and that it'll be my fault because I "made" him do it. How I don't care and my mentality is fcked up and how I'm broken and needs to be fixed and so on. How disrespectful I am towards him by not blocking my friend and how my friend is putting our relationship in danger and so on. Basically just really violent and threatening call in general. And I'm just in the call not knowing how to react and just listening to him telling me how horrible I am and I just went numb and disassociated honestly. It's such a toxic relationship and I am very much aware of it and I've tried leaving him multiple times but I just can't bring myself too. I love him too much and Idek why or how, he has such a distorted view of what love is supposed to look like and he is incapable of seeing how toxic his behavior is and to add to it he has this one friend who's telling him that he's in the right and that in his place she would've just left a long time ago and how she's mad for him because I'm being disrespectful by not blocking my friend that I've known for over 2 years by now. It's so dysfunctional. And honestly feel like the only way of getting out of this would be to ctb which I also have other reasons for wanting to ctb this whole relationship is just kinda adding to it big time. I just feel stuck and drained and I'm tired of fighting him all the time and Idk how far he'll go. And it's also a gay relationship so I can't jst tell anyone about it considering the amount of homophobia online honestly like I never know who I can be open to about it and who I can't. Honestly just want everything to be over, this relationship, life, the worlds. Just want everything to stop, to end, to cease existing. Currently looking into partial suspension to ctb honestly I'm just waiting for my break in two weeks to get the details figured out and get everything that I want to get done, done.

And again, this whole relationship mess isn't the only reason that I am once again actively planning to ctb I got a tons of reasons and been struggling for like 10 years with depression, anxiety and paranoia. And I have tried to get professional help, I've spent around 5 years in and out of therapy and I've tried meds to try and fix up my mental health but nothing has worked so like it's not like I haven't tried. I really have tried and I really did make an effort and took the necessary steps to get better but it just hasn't worked out for me. And I should be doing well technically, I mean I've done everything that you're supposed to do to do well so Idk maybe life just isn't compatible with my brain or the other way around who knows. This world really isn't worth it anyways is it lol

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I'm so sorry to hear that!
I can't imagine a relationship that toxic is helping either. And you tried loads of stuff :(
I'm sorry for the homophobes too. I'll never understand it. Love is love ❤

You are not being disrespectful by refusing to block a friend. Obviously

 

[worstOFsociety]

I'm so sorry to hear that!
I can't imagine a relationship that toxic is helping either. And you tried loads of stuff :(
I'm sorry for the homophobes too. I'll never understand it. Love is love ❤

You are not being disrespectful by refusing to block a friend. Obviously

Thanks, honestly the worst part are his friends making an echo chamber around him which is just making things so much worse for me cuz they convince him that he's right and he absolutely refuses to listen to me and my pov. It's like talking to a wall that punches you down every time u try to talk, honestly think that's the best metaphor I can think of. But yea the relationship definitely isn't helping but oh well. It's honestly like a drug cuz the highs are so good and soothing but the lows which most of the time it is lows are horrible but also just the highs keep me coming bck for more Idk if u get wht I mean.

Thanks for the support though honestly even scared of posting things related to my sexuality on here cuz just feels like everyone around me is out to get me for it

 

[Dukey]

I get it if it makes you feel any better i'm bisexual and recently got out my first relationship with another guy. Did not end well i got blocked and discarded

I was truly happy for awhile felt like i found someone who cared about me, he was autistic and lacked empathy didn't even try to fix things he came into my life made me get attached and then threw me away like thrash

It's the main reason i'm thinking about CTB.

regarding your situation if i can be honest, you should tell your boyfriend your gonna break up with him if he keeps threatening you and insulting you and forcing you to block a friend.

Your allowed to have friends tell him you feel bad and depressed and that he makes it worse and you feel like shit because of him.

Set boundaries if he keeps threatening you and being so aggressive you should break up with him. It's not okay for him to treat you like that no matter how much you love him.

Clearly tell him that if his behavior doesn't change you will leave. Because it's not okay to treat your partner like that.

 

[Dejected 55]

So... I hope this lands well... your partner is absolutely being an ass in how he is handling everything. No disagreement there.

But it is worth asking... is this friend he wants you to block giving any reason for your partner to be jealous? Lots of people hang around someone they love, waiting for them to be "free" and hope they have a chance... Is your friend this kind of friend? IF you called your friend tomorrow and said you just broke up and needed to talk to someone and be held... how quickly would your friend of 2 years jump at that as an opening?

By the same token... do you harbor any feelings like that for your friend? Some people keep people around as "friends" just in case their main relationship doesn't work out. It's a real thing.

So... your partner is handling things very poorly and being an ass... but at the same time I could still see this friend of yours being a potential obstacle in any future relationship.

Ask yourself... if you are in a relationship for 2 years, would you still not want to block your friend IF your next partner asked? Would your friend always have "seniority" because you've known him longer, and would that make any potential new partner feel like he is second choice?

And... if it were the other way around... and your friend was telling you to break up with your partner... would you listen to him before you would have listened to your partner being jealous?

I think these are questions to ask yourself as you move forward... because you can, rightfully, ditch the asshole boyfriend who sounds like he is controlling... but this "problem" might not just go away in your next relationship if you aren't sure about how things are.

 

[Ashu]

So... I hope this lands well... your partner is absolutely being an ass in how he is handling everything. No disagreement there.

But it is worth asking... is this friend he wants you to block giving any reason for your partner to be jealous? Lots of people hang around someone they love, waiting for them to be "free" and hope they have a chance... Is your friend this kind of friend? IF you called your friend tomorrow and said you just broke up and needed to talk to someone and be held... how quickly would your friend of 2 years jump at that as an opening?

By the same token... do you harbor any feelings like that for your friend? Some people keep people around as "friends" just in case their main relationship doesn't work out. It's a real thing.

So... your partner is handling things very poorly and being an ass... but at the same time I could still see this friend of yours being a potential obstacle in any future relationship.

Ask yourself... if you are in a relationship for 2 years, would you still not want to block your friend IF your next partner asked? Would your friend always have "seniority" because you've known him longer, and would that make any potential new partner feel like he is second choice?

And... if it were the other way around... and your friend was telling you to break up with your partner... would you listen to him before you would have listened to your partner being jealous?

I think these are questions to ask yourself as you move forward... because you can, rightfully, ditch the asshole boyfriend who sounds like he is controlling... but this "problem" might not just go away in your next relationship if you aren't sure about how things are.

I would urge him to treat others as he wishes to be treated himself, to avoid hypocrisy. But I personally see nothing wrong with someone staying in touch with past or possible future lovers. Ultimately, you can't make someone love you, or prevent them from loving someone else, and I don't see why you would even want to. But admittedly I may be strange and unconventional this way. It appears that few really believe in the ethic "If you love somebody, set them free".