Failing through life

[Pallf]

So to start off, I'm not wanting to ctb, not wanting to self injure, things have been relatively fine, I just need to mention this to people who will understand.

I'm close to thirty. No job, having to take Mom's money for health insurance, (she insists on paying) living at home. I did what I was told to do all throughout k-12 and got a (business) degree, but it's done nothing to help me get a job, and I've been job hunting for months. What's bonkers to me is that jobs will not send rejection letters, they just never respond. I had a job interview where they said to my face that they'd let me know their decision and then never did. I had to find out a different way.

So I just feel like I'm failing through life. My therapist likes to tell me that I'm not failing, but it's really hard to believe that when I'm sitting in a room with her and we're going over the same job, family, living situation issue every month. I can't even afford to see her right now because my health insurance skyrocketed in price and I had to get a new plan that's worse and is still ludicrously expensive for what you get.

I have dreams of going to law school, but you need study materials for the LSAT and those materials ain't cheap. I just hate that a combination of depression, anxiety, later in life diagnosed ADHD and possible autism is why it took me so long to get through university and I graduate into a shit jobs market.

Everyone I meet have all these lofty expectations for me, and I don't know why. yeah I can use big words correctly, but all that did for me was get stared at by other kids. It was a lonely time for me. I'm still alone, but I'm so used to it that I no longer feel lonely.

I dreamed about getting married and adopting kids but at this rate, I might just be a bachelorette for the rest of my life because even I wouldn't want to date me. I don't have enough education, the right job, the right body, the list goes on. Now I guess I'm content with not being in a relationship ever. Maybe things will change, maybe not, we'll see.

Again, my mental health has been quite good, I just can't shake this feeling of inadequacy lately.

 

[cupiodissolvi]

I'm sorry for you and hope things will go better for you. Just a couple of points that came to mind while reading your post:

- I am more or less the same age and the same situation as you because of the past of neurodivergence that ruined my life. The fact is that it is not my fault. It was others who built a society made for neurotypicals and I had to move on tracks that were too narrow for me. In fact it is like having had an illness, in a certain sense it certainly is, what is the point of despairing that things have gone a certain way? When one gets a bad disease, for example the big C or similar, what one has to do is accept that that thing just happened and that's it.
My life is miserable, but that's another story. As for the sense of guilt, it is not something that concerns me, since in my condition I have done even too much.

- Is it normal for one to dream of wanting to have children, and in your case you say "adopt", perhaps for anti-natalist positions? In any case, it does not change much the substance of the fact that raising children in today's society unfortunately very often means preparing other poor people for a life of unhappy slaves.
I don't want to have children in today's society, and I believe that unfortunately it is the ethically right choice to make given the current conditions. It is something that we feel as unnatural, because our evolutionary instinct clearly tells us the opposite, and in fact it is an unnatural feeling, but just as unnatural is this disgusting society that we have to inhabit. I wouldn't forgive myself for having someone else on my conscience to have to put up with all this just for my naïve selfishness of having someone call me a parent...

 

[funkopop99]

So to start off, I'm not wanting to ctb, not wanting to self injure, things have been relatively fine, I just need to mention this to people who will understand.

I'm close to thirty. No job, having to take Mom's money for health insurance, (she insists on paying) living at home. I did what I was told to do all throughout k-12 and got a (business) degree, but it's done nothing to help me get a job, and I've been job hunting for months. What's bonkers to me is that jobs will not send rejection letters, they just never respond. I had a job interview where they said to my face that they'd let me know their decision and then never did. I had to find out a different way.

So I just feel like I'm failing through life. My therapist likes to tell me that I'm not failing, but it's really hard to believe that when I'm sitting in a room with her and we're going over the same job, family, living situation issue every month. I can't even afford to see her right now because my health insurance skyrocketed in price and I had to get a new plan that's worse and is still ludicrously expensive for what you get.

I have dreams of going to law school, but you need study materials for the LSAT and those materials ain't cheap. I just hate that a combination of depression, anxiety, later in life diagnosed ADHD and possible autism is why it took me so long to get through university and I graduate into a shit jobs market.

Everyone I meet have all these lofty expectations for me, and I don't know why. yeah I can use big words correctly, but all that did for me was get stared at by other kids. It was a lonely time for me. I'm still alone, but I'm so used to it that I no longer feel lonely.

I dreamed about getting married and adopting kids but at this rate, I might just be a bachelorette for the rest of my life because even I wouldn't want to date me. I don't have enough education, the right job, the right body, the list goes on. Now I guess I'm content with not being in a relationship ever. Maybe things will change, maybe not, we'll see.

Again, my mental health has been quite good, I just can't shake this feeling of inadequacy lately.

If you want to live, live. But, I won't lie to you, the older you get the harder it is to find a job, studies show this. If you are thinking of retraining in another field i.e. law, you need to be realistic with your capabilities, you don't want to start with momentum, burn out, fail or drop out and become depressed again and back here. How about utilizing the business degree you already have and going back to school for an MBA. Instead of focusing on what you lack, focus on the fact you have a supportive mother.

 

[enjoytheride]

So to start off, I'm not wanting to ctb, not wanting to self injure, things have been relatively fine, I just need to mention this to people who will understand.

I'm close to thirty. No job, having to take Mom's money for health insurance, (she insists on paying) living at home. I did what I was told to do all throughout k-12 and got a (business) degree, but it's done nothing to help me get a job, and I've been job hunting for months. What's bonkers to me is that jobs will not send rejection letters, they just never respond. I had a job interview where they said to my face that they'd let me know their decision and then never did. I had to find out a different way.

So I just feel like I'm failing through life. My therapist likes to tell me that I'm not failing, but it's really hard to believe that when I'm sitting in a room with her and we're going over the same job, family, living situation issue every month. I can't even afford to see her right now because my health insurance skyrocketed in price and I had to get a new plan that's worse and is still ludicrously expensive for what you get.

I have dreams of going to law school, but you need study materials for the LSAT and those materials ain't cheap. I just hate that a combination of depression, anxiety, later in life diagnosed ADHD and possible autism is why it took me so long to get through university and I graduate into a shit jobs market.

Everyone I meet have all these lofty expectations for me, and I don't know why. yeah I can use big words correctly, but all that did for me was get stared at by other kids. It was a lonely time for me. I'm still alone, but I'm so used to it that I no longer feel lonely.

I dreamed about getting married and adopting kids but at this rate, I might just be a bachelorette for the rest of my life because even I wouldn't want to date me. I don't have enough education, the right job, the right body, the list goes on. Now I guess I'm content with not being in a relationship ever. Maybe things will change, maybe not, we'll see.

Again, my mental health has been quite good, I just can't shake this feeling of inadequacy lately.

There are far too many people of your age, younger and older as well, who face the same challenges. There is too much regularity for it to be an individual issue, or personal inadequacy. The labour market is just a tough place, and many people get jobs by being recommended by someone, so there are jobs that never get advertised. Other jobs are taken by people with more experience than us, and there's nothing we can do about it, except focus on improving our skills and on gaining experience.

So your intuition about furthering your studies is right, I think. You can't calm down the stormy sea, but you can reinforce and improve your ship and navigation. While you are job hunting, taking free courses online can also help you feel like you are progressing in some way. If you haven't got a Linkedin profile, I recommend creating one, even if just to have access to the job offers posted there. But perhaps you could use it to reconnect with classmates and old friends who could be hiring or share job offers with you. You could reach out to them directly asking if they know of any openings.

By the way, do you volunteer anywhere? While you are hunting for a job, you could do some volunteering and that would a) help you meet new people; b) shake off that feeling of inadequacy; c) improve your skills and resume.

The situation you are in wont last forever. At some point there will be a breakthrough. I am very happy to hear that your mental health is good, and that you have a supportive mother!

Kind regards