Failed attempt

[Porcelaindreamer]

As in the title I failed suicide attempt via jump from the hight. I was almost successful however I made a few mistakes and now I ended disabled and in chronic pain. In hospital I heard that I am a looser , failure , that I should enjoy living as a disabled person because some poeple are more disabled. However what I am trying to say is that the last few month were complete nightmare. At this current point I obviously desire to cbt as fast as possible. I have easy access to SN and there is a high chance I will have also access to N and also to required benzos. However the tragic result of the first attempt grew inside of me a complete lack of self-confidence to the point where while having access to substances I feel as if no matter what I am designed for failure. Additionaly the environment does not help. They are completely ignoring this devastion of my body and telling me that I should pursue some sort of happiness regardless of my state. It is so sickening to hear that. So do you guys think I have a real chance to be successful? Will benzos calm down my anxiety?

 

[knickknack81]

I am very sorry about yr failed attempt and yr current state. That has to be awful. My heart goes out to you. If you dont mind me asking, could you elaborate on mistakes. If you dont want to talk about it, I totally understand. Its just thats a method I have often considered and keep coming back to as I have somewhat decent access to tall buildings/hotels/bridges in the city I live so jumping is more available then most options (relatively). I know overcoming SI is really difficult in this situation but I was wondering if you could go into what else went wrong. If this is too sensitive a topic, I totally understand.

 

[tears and vomit]

Holy shit I'm sorry man and to think the people in the hospital are saying that to you? I know you must be hurting a lot right now :( I don't have much to say but I hope your suffering comes to an end one day

 

[Porcelaindreamer]

I am very sorry about yr failed attempt and yr current state. That has to be awful. My heart goes out to you. If you dont mind me asking, could you elaborate on mistakes. If you dont want to talk about it, I totally understand. Its just thats a method I have often considered and keep coming back to as I have somewhat decent access to tall buildings/hotels/bridges in the city I live so jumping is more available then most options (relatively). I know overcoming SI is really difficult in this situation but I was wondering if you could go into what else went wrong. If this is too sensitive a topic, I totally understand.

So the main point is you must jump.from 10th floor. This the hight were death is guaranteed. Never try lower because there is chance you will end up disabled and with completely devastated body to the unexpected point. Were it is unimaginable to keep living like that. Obviously this is very high so it is terrifying. So second important thing is to be sure that you will land on something hard. You have to be sure that nothing will cushion you. That is why I do not recommend jumping off a bridge. I think it is too low, plus you land on water, and concrete is preferable. Another thing is do it at night so no one will find you quickly and take to the hospital. And it is better to fall on your head than on your butt. However it is not required while jumping from 10th floor. The worse part is to jump. I recommend just to close your eyes and it. I do not remember flight or any pain while crushing.

 

[knickknack81]

So the main point is you must jump.from 10th floor. This the hight were death is guaranteed. Never try lower because there is chance you will end up disabled and with completely devastated body to the unexpected point. Were it is unimaginable to keep living like that. Obviously this is very high so it is terrifying. So second important thing is to be sure that you will land on something hard. You have to be sure that nothing will cushion you. That is why I do not recommend jumping off a bridge. I think it is too low, plus you land on water, and concrete is preferable. Another thing is do it at night so no one will find you quickly and take to the hospital. And it is better to fall on your head than on your butt. However it is not required while jumping from 10th floor. The worse part is to jump. I recommend just to close your eyes and it. I do not remember flight or any pain while crushing.

Thank you for responding. And I am very sorry you in the position you are right now.

 

[Porcelaindreamer]

Holy shit I'm sorry man and to think the people in the hospital are saying that to you? I know you must be hurting a lot right now :( I don't have much to say but I hope your suffering comes to an end one day

Acctually I am not very surprised. Before I decided to jump I was completely aware that we live in kind of cruel society. So people in hospital just proved what I already knew.

 

[Manga]

So the main point is you must jump.from 10th floor. This the hight were death is guaranteed. Never try lower because there is chance you will end up disabled and with completely devastated body to the unexpected point. Were it is unimaginable to keep living like that. Obviously this is very high so it is terrifying. So second important thing is to be sure that you will land on something hard. You have to be sure that nothing will cushion you. That is why I do not recommend jumping off a bridge. I think it is too low, plus you land on water, and concrete is preferable. Another thing is do it at night so no one will find you quickly and take to the hospital. And it is better to fall on your head than on your butt. However it is not required while jumping from 10th floor. The worse part is to jump. I recommend just to close your eyes and it. I do not remember flight or any pain while crushing.

i live on
a building on the 8th floor
im sorry you had to go through this what did you feel like during the jump?
i want to do that but i'm just hesitant like my mind is blocking my movement to do it
when theres no hope left in life
just fantasies which never seem to work out

 

[sweetcreep]

what you went through sounds terrible, i'm so sorry you survived only to be in a worse situation. i always try to dissuade people from jumping because to me it's just too much of a gamble. i can't imagine the pain you delt with and are still dealing with. if my method was jumping and i ended up surviving, i think i would feel the same way you do. surviving an attempt and coming out permanently change for the worse is a huge fear of mine.

you have SN, do the proper research. the only people who have failed from SN failed because they didn't do it correctly or were found very soon after ingesting it. my method is SN because it's rather fool proofed, and i do be a bit of a fool~

 

[knickknack81]

what you went through sounds terrible, i'm so sorry you survived only to be in a worse situation. i always try to dissuade people from jumping because to me it's just too much of a gamble. i can't imagine the pain you delt with and are still dealing with. if my method was jumping and i ended up surviving, i think i would feel the same way you do. surviving an attempt and coming out permanently change for the worse is a huge fear of mine.

you have SN, do the proper research. the only people who have failed from SN failed because they didn't do it correctly or were found very soon after ingesting it. my method is SN because it's rather fool proofed, and i do be a bit of a fool~

I think this is why a lot of people dont consider jumping a prime method of CTB. I think the issue is depending on where you live, methods like guns and SN are more readily available than they in other places. I happen to live in a place where they are not easy to get a hold of. And OD'ing is also a very risky method that can go wrong and do damage to yr body. So hanging and jumping (off a building or into a train) are really the only options you have. and yes, there are risks involved but you could say that about all of them. It's a shame there isn't some magic pill that was readily available for all of us to take before sleep to go out peacefully. oh well, in a perfect world...

 

[jag1]

I am very sorry about yr failed attempt and yr current state. That has to be awful. My heart goes out to you. If you dont mind me asking, could you elaborate on mistakes. If you dont want to talk about it, I totally understand. Its just thats a method I have often considered and keep coming back to as I have somewhat decent access to tall buildings/hotels/bridges in the city I live so jumping is more available then most options (relatively). I know overcoming SI is really difficult in this situation but I was wondering if you could go into what else went wrong. If this is too sensitive a topic, I totally understand.

Don't get started on benzos. I'm dealing with the horrible withdrawl from them and that makes me wanna ctb. I need SN. I want to be out of my misery. What they don't tell you is benzos should not be used more than 7 days. Period.

 

[idiotmother]

Don't get started on benzos. I'm dealing with the horrible withdrawl from them and that makes me wanna ctb. I need SN. I want to be out of my misery. What they don't tell you is benzos should not be used more than 7 days. Period.

I have issues from meds too, it's so freaking horrible. I'm sorry you're going through this. I want to ctb becsuse of anti psychotics .

 

[Porcelaindreamer]

i live on
a building on the 8th floor
im sorry you had to go through this what did you feel like during the jump?
i want to do that but i'm just hesitant like my mind is blocking my movement to do it
when theres no hope left in life
just fantasies which never seem to work out

8th floor does not give a guarantee. Please do not risk unless is 10th floor. There were cases of people who survived 8th floor.

I think this is why a lot of people dont consider jumping a prime method of CTB. I think the issue is depending on where you live, methods like guns and SN are more readily available than they in other places. I happen to live in a place where they are not easy to get a hold of. And OD'ing is also a very risky method that can go wrong and do damage to yr body. So hanging and jumping (off a building or into a train) are really the only options you have. and yes, there are risks involved but you could say that about all of them. It's a shame there isn't some magic pill that was readily available for all of us to take before sleep to go out peacefully. oh well, in a perfect world...

If only I knew this before. You know it was so high that I was sure that one jump and my suffering will end. I had no opportunity to consider better options because I was not informed so well. I just found out after. If I knew my primary choice would be SN because there is an super access for it in my country.

Don't get started on benzos. I'm dealing with the horrible withdrawl from them and that makes me wanna ctb. I need SN. I want to be out of my misery. What they don't tell you is benzos should not be used more than 7 days. Period.

I wanna use if only for a purpose to CBT. After first attempt I have extreme PTSD to CBT in general. To the point where even while having perspective for obtaining N in my hands I would feel extreme panic that for sure everything will get wrong or something. I was asking more if it is able to shut down that fear because now I feel left without other options than CBT. When I had my first jump I felt kind of fearless but now it is gone. Only this awful anxiety is left.