Anybody have that point in depression where you realize this is more likely than not your one shot? I deal a lot with fantasies and daydreams, so I have a lot of scenarios in my head that keep me happy. I really want to live them out someday, some afterlife similar to the good place where you can play out any scenario you'd like. And the thought that this is my one shot fills me with immense dread. I can't overstate how badly I want to live out these fantasies. The thought of an eternal nothingness afterwards just completely breaks me.
I have several posts on these forums about what I believe happens after death - including a paper I attached to a recent post that explains exactly what you might expect. I'm not saying these are facts, but they are what I believe and the reason I believe it is it presents no contradictions the way that most religions and philosophy often does.
As to the bolded part above, I can't believe what I am reading. You just described me perfectly. My entire life has been spent inside my own head. I often shied away from doing things IRL, because the fantasy of it I could construct in my head always played out the way I wanted it to, and I would have this subconsious fear that if I did attempt whatever the fantasy was, I would end up disappointed.
For example, when I was a teenager I really wanted an old muscle car, Since I couldn't afford it, I'd listen to music or go to bed at night fantasizing, or constructing scenarios in my head, of already having the car and what I would do to it to fix it up, etc. Instead of going out in the real world and trying to make it happen, I would tell myself that it wasn't going to happen, or, at the first obstacle, I'd just give up, content on the fantasy. Maybe content is the wrong word here, as I really did want to make it happen and wanted nothing more than to be driving around in my muscle car, but I accepted that I would probably never be able to get one. And many, many things in my life played out like this.
Subsequently, this makes me suffer from paralysis by analysis. It makes it tough to make a decision, because I keep going back and forth about my options,
Now, I'm making it sound a little extreme, but I definitely have lived in my own head for most of my life.
If you are interested in what I've written, as I'm sure most people are sick and tired of it by now, just PM me, and I'll link you to something that might just change your perspective on what existence actually is.