Venting dying is hard

[miasweeping]

I always think of that line from Hamilton that says "dying is easy, young man, living is harder" but I think George Washington just said that because he wasn't a suicidal man, like, bro, if you only knew how difficult it is

If it was as easy as just pressing a button to end it all I would do it without a second thought. When I was younger and naive, I tried pills, but obviously they didn't work. I almost succeeded once I think, but they found me and I was hospitalized. I did this like four times, girl didn't understand that it was never going to work that way lmao

I have no money for SN or any method that requires investment. I've been thinking about gas poisoning, you know, there have been reports of people dying from mixing the wrong cleaning products, but I don't know exactly what I would need. I've thought about hanging myself. But it actually scares me too much, it sounds silly because I'm going to die anyway, but it scares me too much. With my bad luck, maybe they'll find me, I'll end up with brain damage and miserable for the rest of my life. Or maybe I'll succeed, but I don't know if I want to leave that grotesque image of me to the dear person who finds my body.
I also sometimes think about jumping off a building, but I don't know how high it has to be and I live in a village, there really aren't any buildings that tall around here you know.

Anyways, I'm running out of options, so maybe... hanging myself is the best option? I don't know. I just wanna go in peace dude, it's not even sadness or anger anymore, it's tiredness. I have goals because I'm supposed to, but really, when I think about everything that comes with living, like studying, working, money, people, I just don't want to do it. I don't want to be part of this, I'm not interested. I'm just not made for this

I just hope I can achieve it in one of these days, weeks, idk anymore

 

[painfully]

He had easy access to guns

I see that your account is so old but you only have 2 comments.

I feel the same about not wanting to deal with life's shit and having to make that much effort. I dont have any drive... Although in my case I would have the strength to deal with this shit if i had someone...

Is there something that would give you strength to deal with life?

 

[Alreadylate]

I also feel like you guys... We would make a chat group or something

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of it all, it's just so cruel to me how painless, guaranteed ways to cease existing are made inaccessible as all I want is to never suffer ever again, I wish there's the option to simply cease existing in peace and finally be free from this existence of suffering, I just wish to be free from it all as well, I hope you find the relief you search for.

 

[bia ♡]

OMG you're me and I'm u. I totally feel u! And I'm so young to feel pissed off like this...But this is life anyways.

I once tried to hang myself, and lemme tell u something: I don't felt any pain at all. I felt a pressure in the neck, that lasted for like 7 seconds. Yea, only 7 seconds! And I felt some heat rising through my ears and cheeks. And here's something "funny": my mouth made a sound like: AAAAAAARGH...really in a hoarse tone. And then I passed out. I woke up later on the floor, because I fell from the rope. I was feeling a sharp pain on my backs, and my neck was BURNING. My mouth was dry and I was dizzy in the head.

The first thing I did was SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT. I was like: SOMEONE HELP MEEEE, HEEEEELP, PLEASE SOMEONE COME RESCUE MEEEEEE. I dunno why — it was prolly my SI finally working out. I was home alone and some of my neighbors had to break in my house to see what was going on. They called to my parents while they took care of me and helped me shower and get ready to go to the hospital. I remember staring at the mirror and seeing the results of the hanging: my ears where bloated and purple, my face was also bloated, and my neck where almost bleeding due to the rope. I currently have a weirdo scar on my neck.

I think I had a NDE (near death experience), because I remember seeing my own body sleeping on the floor, and I remember seeing colored lights dancing over my head in the sky. It was prolly my brain hallucinating because it was without oxygen, but idk. It was insane.

That was my experience with hanging (total suspension, btw). It was not terrifying or painful. So if you're considering trying this method, don't be afraid. You'll face death struggle for some seconds and then will peacefully pass out.