drunk and wondering if i even need to kms when i have drinking to deal with pain

[goatmonster :3]

idk i have friends who can provide me alcohol and maybe i can wait till i'm in my 30s to ctb bc i am only 19 but i have felt like i want to die for 5 years now and i don't think i'm gonna end up being a better person or in a much better place anyway

it's gonna be 2030 one day soon. holy fuck? who the hell even wants to see what things are gonna be like in 2030? ill turn 24 in 2030. i have no hope for what my life is gonna be like by then. idk i fight with myself on it and idk why bc everything points to i may as well die but drinking puts things in a weird perspective

 

[avalokitesvara]

Long term alcoholism is not something you want. I hope you can find a way of coping with your feelings which won't destroy your health, finances and relationships. Did you ever try getting any psychiatric treatment?

I agree though, the world is a horrible place and the future is looking scary.

 

[goatmonster :3]

Long term alcoholism is not something you want. I hope you can find a way of coping with your feelings which won't destroy your health, finances and relationships. Did you ever try getting any psychiatric treatment?

I agree though, the world is a horrible place and the future is looking scary.

i have gotten psychiatric treatment numerous times in the past and it doesnt work for me. i genuinely don't believe there is any hope of getting better for me, especially since if my mother is right then being this way is hereditary and thus i will decide i cannot go on every other month for the rest of my natural life. better to just get it over with soon so my soul can move on. this life is fucked.

 

[white_car]

I believe in such a context, alcohol would act as a multiplier for the suffering. Your diagnosis about the horrific nature of the world is right, but being a drunk is not an effective way to deal with the pain of being alive...

If you're looking for something addictive that will act as a very effective distraction, try playing Mindustry instead... Or maybe experiment with Sonic Pi!

Both are free, both are like crack in their fields, but they'll provide you with a bit of relief without sending you down an even darker path.