Drowning plan

[brokenengine]

Just want to write out my plan somewhere and see if it makes sense. Drowning is not how I would like to go but I've ruled out my preferred methods (too cowardly for hanging, can't get a gun, drugs are too risky), so this might be it. Although if I don't go through with this one getting a gun is my next best option (once I'm 21).

I'm planning on getting a bunch of sleeping pills and some alcohol so even when SI kicks in I'll be weak and won't be able to fight effectively. I'm going out to a lake that I think is far enough away from other people, though not as far as I'd like. I have something to weigh me down (a backpack, secured in place with duct tape). I might try to tie my hands up somehow too, to make it harder. I also might run beforehand so I'm tired, less fight in me, hoping it might help me pass out sooner? Honestly this is such a hastily patched together suicide plan, but I'm kind of excited. I walked out to the lake tonight to scope it out and felt very vulnerable and nervous but also safe in the trees. The only variable left is whether I'll have the nerve to get in there, esp in the cold, but I'm hoping the pills + alcohol might help with that too. If I get out there and don't do it, or only do it halfway, I might end up in the hospital having to explain myself to my parents, which is the last thing I want. I'll let that thought motivate me as well. Wish me luck I guess? Or advice if you have any?

 

[Backwood_tilt]

Ah, the old Whitney Houston but with a bigger tub. Make sure you get your dosages right and have something to hold you down like you said.

A run might be unnecessary but it can't hurt?

 

[Brick In The Wall]

You're right this does sound a bit hastily thrown together. There was a member who attempted something similar to this and it ended badly for him. He survived the incident and his story sounded very traumatic.

I'd recommend first building a plan that's a bit more solid. Have you read anything about SWB before?

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/shallow-water-blackout.4315/

 

[brokenengine]

I'd recommend first building a plan that's a bit more solid. Have you read anything about SWB before?

Yes I have, but I'm not confident i would actually blackout in time. It seems like there's a high risk of failure, which is why I'm using weights. I know it's going to be horrible and painful......but if it works it won't matter because in a few minutes I won't feel anything and I'll never feel pain again.

 

[xBrialesana]

Ah, the old Whitney Houston but with a bigger tub.

I laughed more than I should've but I needed it so thank you

 

[Mizzmini45]

I laughed more than I should've but I needed it so thank you

That's funny?

 

[brokenengine]

I'm going to walk out there in a few minutes, turning my phone off so my parents can't track me. If I don't come back within the next week, I'm probably gone. Or perhaps I'll return in the next few hours looking like a complete fool lmao. Anyway in the short time I've been on this forum everyone has been lovely and if there's an afterlife I'll remember this community fondly.

 

[brokenengine]

lol I'm a coward, I got kind of fucked up by the pills but I couldn't make myself even go in the water, I guess it's plan B now, but I don't know how I'll wait a whole year to do it. I don't know what to do now. Somehow I convinced my parents that I was just going for a walk, but my mom got worried and probably suspected something. I don't know if I should tell someone or not. I'm going to have to withdraw for at least this quarter. I don't know how I'm going to ever graduate. I don't know what I'm going to do next. I'm failing all my classes. My dad just tried to call me but I don't know if I can lie to him and I don't know what he'll do if he suspects what I tried to do. Every failed attempt only makes me feel like more of a failure and it actively makes everything worse. I still feel really out of it, like the kind of dizziness when you have a fever.