Discussion Does lack of affection from one parent make you crave it as you grow up

[Gaga786]

Unfortunately, I wasn't the son my father chose to adore. I kind of grew to crave that anytime I watched a cartoon exhibiting or highlighting a father and son relationship since he wouldn't show or display any compassion toward me. I experienced immersion and fascination. Now, I kind of yearn for the love my brother received but I never did. I find it repulsive because, although being 20 years old, I still act like a child and feel like I've never matured. It's one of the factors in my desire to CTB.
My therapists have brushed this issue off whenever I mention it. It's like they don't want to acknowledge it. Am I really weird and peculiar ? Im sorry for such a stupid question

 

[Pluto]

This is very insightful. I wouldn't even known what paternal care is supposed to feel like, but it has affected adult relationships by making me more needy than I would like. Relationships can work somewhat if the other person has the same condition, though!

Normally I would describe a situation like this in terms of attachment theory, but that assumes that all the action happens exclusively in early childhood. Obviously it doesn't.

 

[Gaga786]

This is very insightful. I wouldn't even known what paternal care is supposed to feel like, but it has affected adult relationships by making me more needy than I would like. Relationships can work somewhat if the other person has the same condition, though!

Normally I would describe a situation like this in terms of attachment theory, but that assumes that all the action happens exclusively in early childhood. Obviously it doesn't.

Thank you for your response. It does mean a lot. It probably explains why I was so needy and possessive with friendships during my school life. I felt like everyone would abandon me, and that is exactly what everyone did

 

[SilentSadness]

I felt like everyone would abandon me, and that is exactly what everyone did

It seems like you can't trust anyone in this depressing world. Everyone is just out to fulfill their own self-centred desires and those who want to help others are the same ones who will have you sectioned without a second thought.

 

[Gaga786]

It seems like you can't trust anyone in this depressing world. Everyone is just out to fulfill their own self-centred desires and those who want to help others are the same ones who will have you sectioned without a second thought.

Thank you for your response.Yes, that is exactly how it is, unfortunately,

 

[TapeMachine]

I think my parents' lack of affection has always made me weird about being touched by others. I can be affectionate...every now and then, but I feel sorta uncomfortable when someone breeches my personal bubble.

And it sucks, because I don't want to be this way. I wish I could be a little warmer, a little more doting and loving. I've been labeled "cold and disconnected" several times, and that pains me... Inwardly, I can really love and appreciate people; but outwardly, I'm not affectionate. I have other ways of expressing my love for people, like kind things I do for them and so on.

To answer your question: I do not think you are peculiar for craving physical affection. That's quite normal, dear. ❤ I'm so sorry your dad wasn't very loving with you. These sorts of pains follow us into adulthood and can really complicate our relationships with ourselves and with others. Much love to you, Gaga. :)

Edited to add: No, I do not have kids. I've always known I wouldn't have any, because I'm well-aware of my shortcomings and how they could damage the lives of potential children.

 

[Gaga786]

I think my parents' lack of affection has always made me weird about being touched by others. I can be affectionate...every now and then, but I feel sorta uncomfortable when someone breeches my personal bubble.

And it sucks, because I don't want to be this way. I wish I could be a little warmer, a little more doting and loving. I've been labeled "cold and disconnected" several times, and that pains me... Inwardly, I can really love and appreciate people; but outwardly, I'm not affectionate. I have other ways of expressing my love for people, like kind things I do for them and so on.

To answer your question: I do not think you are peculiar for craving physical affection. That's quite normal, dear. ❤ I'm so sorry your dad wasn't very loving with you. These sorts of pains follow us into adulthood and can really complicate our relationships with ourselves and with others. Much love to you, Gaga. :)

Edited to add: No, I do not have kids. I've always known I wouldn't have any, because I'm well-aware of my shortcomings and how they could damage the lives of potential children.

Thank you for your response. Yes, sometimes I feel like very weird being touched by others, but other times I actually want another parent, similar to that of my parent, to provide that affection to me. Your answer has been quite insightful. Im glad that I understand my situation on a deeper level . Wishing you the best, take care of yourself.Much love!

 

[Gaga786]

I don't know, I feel broken. I know not getting that affection isn't a big deal, but I can't help feel unloved. Now I crave it all the time whenever I see other people who resemble my father. It's so complicated. This wound deepens over time and I hate to feel this way all my entire life. It's like my mind is always on alert to have someone as a potential father figure who can guide me in this life and provide me with love that my own parent couldn't do. It's sad actually, and I'm now someone who hates hugging and being touched because I never experienced that.I have so many issues, and unfortunately this feeling of alienation and unloved had to be one of them.

 

[lazyegg]

I grew to become extremely numb to everything around me so i no longer cared about affection. initially, i was extremely frightful of their unpredictable abuse. now i dont feel anything but emptiness which i grieve. i dont care about being loved. i dont even feel love anymore. a hollowed out vessel i have become.

 

[HonestAbe]

It depends on what type of personality you have. My mom and me are close as she values my opinions even when she doesn't agree with them. She's genuine. My dad and me it's highly different.

I know he doesn't like me and he knows I don't particularly like him. Tons of reasons for that but I won't get into why. When I was younger I thought all the garbage that my then unstable father threw my way slightly mattered. It didn't at all, but I was young.

I could honestly care less as an adult what he thinks of me but I'm aware of much of it, and I often smirk and walk away at the moment if it's ever brought up.

Like the classic Replacements song "Bastards of Young" says, "the ones that love us the least are the ones we'll die to please." For some this seems true but it's a common theme in films and tv shows, and not real life. Of course, it all depends on the person.

 

[Gaga786]

I grew to become extremely numb to everything around me. initially, i was extremely frightful of their unpredictable abuse. now i dont feel anything but emptiness which i grieve. i dont care about being loved. i dont even feel love anymore. a hollowed out vessel i have become.

Kind of same. Im usually very numb most of the time, and I rarely laugh.Im sorry, I know it's very difficult

It depends on what type of personality you have. My mom and me are close as she values my opinions even when she doesn't agree with them. She's genuine. My dad and me it's highly different.

I know he doesn't like me and he knows I don't particularly like him. Tons of reasons for that but I won't get into why. When I was younger I thought all the garbage that my then unstable father threw my way slightly mattered. It didn't at all, but I was young.

I could honestly care less as an adult what he thinks of me but I'm aware of much of it, and I often smirk and walk away at the moment if it's ever brought up.

Like the classic Replacements song "Bastards of Young" says, "the ones that lovr you the least are the ones you die to please." For some this seems true but it's a common theme in films and tv shows, and not real life. Of course, it all depends on the person.

Thanks, it feels like I've been brought up to be this people pleasing type and surviving and finding happiness by helping other people.