Does anyone’s family or friend want you to die?

[Jodes]

They have not said it directly to me, but I wish they would. As that saying goes "actions speak louder than words" or whatever it is.
The way I am treated I am made to know I am a burden, my death will not only bring me peace but also directly improve the quality of others lives.
No one will ever say it directly to me, they do not want the guilt of thinking they were what made me end it. I dunno if I'm even making any fucking sense to be honest.

You make good sense. I wish it werent true. Maybe they have no answers rather than wanting you to end it

 

[Nerdyartist85]

Ouch. I'm so sorry. I was trying to give your horrible mother the benefit of the doubt when she clearly doesn't deserve any benefits or any doubt. She sounds awful; being a mother is a privilege she didn't deserve.

Sorry I'm late to this commenting party.

I take no offense to your previous comment; I just was clarifying why my case was a bit different. I'm totally okay with it.

You want to give your parents the benefit of the doubt. The therapist I was going to tried to tell me that my mom acts the way she does because she didn't get what she needed from her parents as a child (I asked her if it was wrong for me to hate her for the shit childhood and her manipulating narcissistic behaviors). I can see what she means, but growing up with her and my dad (who was emotionally absent and a raging alcoholic) has been hell.

Hell she didn't talk to me for 8 months because she didn't like the location our wedding venue was at (it was a 45 minute drive for her; hardly a destination wedding).

I want to sympathize with her as someone who has struggles and unfulfilled needs met in childhood, but it's hard when you still have to deal with the person who hasn't changed at all...and the chain continues I guess until I end it.

 

[gingerplum]

Sorry I'm late to this commenting party.

I take no offense to your previous comment; I just was clarifying why my case was a bit different. I'm totally okay with it.

You want to give your parents the benefit of the doubt. The therapist I was going to tried to tell me that my mom acts the way she does because she didn't get what she needed from her parents as a child (I asked her if it was wrong for me to hate her for the shit childhood and her manipulating narcissistic behaviors). I can see what she means, but growing up with her and my dad (who was emotionally absent and a raging alcoholic) has been hell.

Hell she didn't talk to me for 8 months because she didn't like the location our wedding venue was at (it was a 45 minute drive for her; hardly a destination wedding).

I want to sympathize with her as someone who has struggles and unfulfilled needs met in childhood, but it's hard when you still have to deal with the person who hasn't changed at all...and the chain continues I guess until I end it.

Yes, but at least you recognize where her anger and inadequacies stem from, and you're trying to empathize. That's really huge.

 

[Xerxes]

My mom has told me countless times how often she wanted me dead. When i was a baby, she doused me in gasoline and tried to set me on fire in the backyard, but a neighbor stopped her.

My brother has stated, "You'll be one less person to worry about"

My stepdad said "You're nothing but a fuck-up that couldn't even get his suicide right"

My wife says, "If you really wanted to die, then why are you still here. Get it over with, I'm waiting"

 

[Nerdyartist85]

My mom has told me countless times how often she wanted me dead. When i was a baby, she doused me in gasoline and tried to set me on fire in the backyard, but a neighbor stopped her.

My brother has stated, "You'll be one less person to worry about"

My stepdad said "You're nothing but a fuck-up that couldn't even get his suicide right"

My wife says, "If you really wanted to die, then why are you still here. Get it over with, I'm waiting"

Oh wow.....I can't imagine all that. I can see why you want to ctb. I'm so sorry...hugs

 

[Nerdyartist85]

Yes, but at least you recognize where her anger and inadequacies stem from, and you're trying to empathize. That's really huge.

I just don't know it'll be enough to keep me from making my final decision in the end... I do emphasize with her, but I feel I don't belong here anymore

 

[Xerxes]

Oh wow.....I can't imagine all that. I can see why you want to ctb. I'm so sorry...hugs

Actually it's not a major point of why I want to CTB. A lot of people have family problems and such, but you can at least escape from it at some point, it's when you let your family's interactions get the better of you to where you mess up in life or you have low self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth. It's all I ever have known and it doesn't get better, the more I interact with other humans, I realize how easy it is for them to turn love into hate that it'll benefit them in some sadistic way. I never connected much with any human on this planet and I summarized that my existence doesn't belong on this planet, in this age, and in this life.

 

[Buddyluv19]

Sorry I'm late to this commenting party.

I take no offense to your previous comment; I just was clarifying why my case was a bit different. I'm totally okay with it.

You want to give your parents the benefit of the doubt. The therapist I was going to tried to tell me that my mom acts the way she does because she didn't get what she needed from her parents as a child (I asked her if it was wrong for me to hate her for the shit childhood and her manipulating narcissistic behaviors). I can see what she means, but growing up with her and my dad (who was emotionally absent and a raging alcoholic) has been hell.

Hell she didn't talk to me for 8 months because she didn't like the location our wedding venue was at (it was a 45 minute drive for her; hardly a destination wedding).

I want to sympathize with her as someone who has struggles and unfulfilled needs met in childhood, but it's hard when you still have to deal with the person who hasn't changed at all...and the chain continues I guess until I end it.

I don't want to say 'I understand' completely, because all situations are different. But I DO understand the signs of a narcissist - and the 'wedding' story says it all.

Also, I spent YEARS excusing my mother's behavior because she didn't get the nurturing she needed. That may have been true, but that doesn't excuse abusive behavior.

I'm not saying I 'completely understand' what you are saying. I am just saying that I think I have a clue and send you compassion.

 

[Buddyluv19]

Actually it's not a major point of why I want to CTB. A lot of people have family problems and such, but you can at least escape from it at some point, it's when you let your family's interactions get the better of you to where you mess up in life or you have low self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth. It's all I ever have known and it doesn't get better, the more I interact with other humans, I realize how easy it is for them to turn love into hate that it'll benefit them in some sadistic way. I never connected much with any human on this planet and I summarized that my existence doesn't belong on this planet, in this age, and in this life.

Thank you, I'm in the he category of people that 'let the family situation get the best of me'. I'm not going to place judgement on that - it is done now. I just wish I could have set better boundaries and had the self-esteem to protect myself better. Oh well, water under the bridge.

 

[Nerdyartist85]

Also, I spent YEARS excusing my mother's behavior because she didn't get the nurturing she needed. That may have been true, but that doesn't excuse abusive behavior.

I don't think it's personally my responsibility to fill the void her parents left for her (if that is the case). I am a human being with my own life and needs...

 

[stellabelle]

mine has given me advice on what substances or methods to ctb.

 

[CentreMid]

My mom once told me that if I don't start functioning like a normal person, then I may as well be dead haha. I have undiagnosed mental health problems that I'm seeing a therapist about to sort out. Idk what specifically is up, but my parents refuse to acknowledge that there's anything wrong because of their religion. They refuse to see that poor mental health can present itself in many other valid ways aside from self harm and suicide (like not eating, sleeping, poor hygiene, messy room, chores that aren't done, not being able to get out of bed, etc.) . It's a fucked up world we live in haha and I don't want any part in it

 

[Pulpit2018]

On the surface?No.
Behind my back?Who really knows...

 

[Empty Smile]

I'm quite certain my ex wife would gladly help me kill myself.