Help Does anyone know how if anyway to pad the blow for family

[merlinghost]

Whenever I think about my plans I run into the roadblock of the potential of my grieving family. I know I've read in several people saying they don't feel sympathy for leaving their family behind, but I don't feel the same. In a moment of weakness I was reading the Suicide Bereavement subreddit, the only thought I could muster was how I could pad the blow for my own parents. I know I can't stop the grief entirely but I want them at the very least to move on.

 

[woodlandcreature]

write them a note so they're not wondering why. that's all i can think of, honestly. not much you can do to make it less painful for them. maybe others can think of other things tho

 

[unbelievablydead]

Whenever I think about my plans I run into the roadblock of the potential of my grieving family. I know I've read in several people saying they don't feel sympathy for leaving their family behind, but I don't feel the same. In a moment of weakness I was reading the Suicide Bereavement subreddit, the only thought I could muster was how I could pad the blow for my own parents. I know I can't stop the grief entirely but I want them at the very least to move on.

i completely understand. i hate leaving my family in this way, but i also know i can't stay. it's a fine line to walk for sure. my plan is to write personal letters to each of my immediate family members, basically telling them not to blame themselves for what happened and also my hopes for them to live long, beautiful, and happy lives while also acknowledging the pain that i'll leave them with. that way, i get to kinda say goodbye from the other side. i also found some resources for bereaving families online that i'll leave them with. it's def not enough, but hopefully will make things at least a fraction easier.

 

[woofwag]

write them a note so they're not wondering why. that's all i can think of, honestly. not much you can do to make it less painful for them. maybe others can think of other things tho

Seconded on the note. Maybe leave them some kind of personalized gift to hang onto as well? Ik a lot of people who are grieving have said that having something small to remember them by has helped a lot. Make sure your goodbye to them is a warm one. As long as it's not too sus. But leaving them with the knowledge that you loved them up until the last moment is probably going to help in the grieving process.

 

[merlinghost]

I always planned to leave a note, its just a matter of the note not being enough and destroying them for years at a time.

 

[slapntickle]

This is something I've thought about a lot, and I think the best thing would maybe be a video message. I actually think notes are a bit of a throwback (ie they're from a time when no one had smartphones) and a lot can get lost in the 'tone' of the message. The content of the video is obviously deeply personal, but I think that it should be impressed that you love these people without limit, that you were previously happy and they have brought you joy and happiness earlier in life, that you only wish them so much happiness and success for later in life, and that you'll be there, somehow, with them. In my case, I would also explain that my death is just the result of series of bad decisions that I made, and that I am not desperately unhappy at all but for the sake of my family I needed to do what I had to do. That's obviously my take on it, but I do think that them knowing that I wasn't desperately unhappy in my last days/hours would really help with everything.

 

[compulsoryaliveness]

I'm not saying to do any of this, but I've had the same thoughts, especially about my friends.

These are the insane things I've been working on for years to deal with this: 1) document with explicit instructions & numbers & addresses for death admin - I've also saved up money on visa gift cards to contribute as much as I can to dealing with my body and memorial and also listed the people I know with the most money to ask, 2) spoken to other suicidal friends about how I'm feeling, especially when I'm not actively wanting to die, so they can spread that info once I'm dead, 3) a lengthy note, which is dated over years, to show that this is a *me* problem, not a them problem, 4) I prepped for a psych ward stay so when I got out and killed myself they could blame the system instead of themselves, 5) special things I've collected with names on them in multiple boxes, 6) started a digital archive of all writing I've done about wanting to die since I was 8 years old.

These are some examples. Essentially, minimise admin for them and communicate through actions that this decision was not impulsive, that there was nothing they could've done, and I've been fucked the whole time.

Probably helps that both my parents are dead though, and they're the ones who actually have responsibility so,