Does anyone feel that the time is coming?

[NutOrat]

maybe having the things needed to CTB at hand would make me give life another chance.
Just knowing i can end it anytime i want, gives me this strange feeling of relief and peace.

That's exactly what I'm hoping for too. I feel like if I fully set everything up, have this secure backup plan, then at least I won't have to worry about it anymore. Maybe then I will be able to give recovery my all, knowing that I have control of my life at any moment.

it probably would only take one extremely bad day to just say fuck it and go for an attempt.

And that's what I'm worried of. I want to make that decision when I'm absolutely clear-headed, but it most often doesn't work that way.

 

[itsgone2]

It does feel close. But I know I still lack the guts

 

[copioushopelessness]

I'm not referring to the desire for CTB itself, but rather a strong feeling, intuition, call it what you will, that tells you you won't live that long.

I've felt this just before getting my hands on the medications for the SN protocol. I feel it even more today, which was precisely when my SN arrived.
I don't know what to think. I'm trying to distract myself and focus on the plans i've made with someone i'm in a relationship with... But i can't. Everything seems fake, small, superficial and it is increasingly difficult to bear being limited to this physical body and this world. — told myself that i just wanted to get everything ready and leave whenever I wanted. But it seems that the proportion of this has increased.

Sorry for the dumb question yesterday. I'm assuming you meant go along with your plan. I've been sick so I read that a different way I guess.

I'm not referring to the desire for CTB itself, but rather a strong feeling, intuition, call it what you will, that tells you you won't live that long.

I've felt this just before getting my hands on the medications for the SN protocol. I feel it even more today, which was precisely when my SN arrived.
I don't know what to think. I'm trying to distract myself and focus on the plans i've made with someone i'm in a relationship with... But i can't. Everything seems fake, small, superficial and it is increasingly difficult to bear being limited to this physical body and this world. — told myself that i just wanted to get everything ready and leave whenever I wanted. But it seems that the proportion of this has increased.

Sorry for my previous stupid question. I feel that way regardless of cbt.