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lobotomie

lobotomie

Hikikomori
Feb 15, 2024
27
Title basically says everything I wanted to say.
Am I alone with this or does anyone feel the same? It's really weird, almost like a feeling of missing it despite hating it.
 
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Namelesa

Namelesa

Global Mod · Trapped in this Suffering
Sep 21, 2024
1,914
I can somewhat understand if something good happened during that time. For me stuff like relationships while have been quite painful when problems happened, often caused by my fear of abandonment and paranoia of doing things wrong or my people pleasing behavior making me sacrifice my own needs but there were times where I comforted for it so I can miss that. I have also somewhat missed having big anxiety attacks and people comforting through them.

"Funny how we get attached to the struggle" -Old Woman from Celeste
 
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Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
12,246
I'm the reverse really. I suppose I feel like, it's kind of unlikely things will ever feel as bad as they did when I was a child growing up with a (suspected) narcissist. I at least feel like I have a bit more control over life as an adult. Ultimately, that if it gets too bad, I have CTB as a more realistically achievable option also.
 
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ConfusedClouds

Arcanist
Mar 9, 2024
460
I think I get what you mean. Kinda like a delated realisation that feelings in bad times were actually significant and looking back I was justified in being fairly off and weird and actually calling it something. Then in 'quieter' times, I kinda feel like a fraud where I'm not feeling things so dramatically so can't justify complaining about anything.
 
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FoxSauce

FoxSauce

Emotional unstable like and IKEA table
Aug 23, 2024
590
Honestly yeah , moslty my bad mental state was really bad in childhood but rn dealing stress related to financial problems I wish I could go back.

Odd feeling , I cant even explain it.
 
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lawr

lawr

Member
Feb 21, 2025
32
Though tons of people wish for more control, even as children, a lack of control can be comforting too. You don't have to blame yourself for anything as a child, and life is objectively much simpler. As you get older, you must deal with the hardship with the added weight of adulthood responsibilities. Everything that goes wrong is your fault now, because you had the power to do something about it. Not true in every case of course but my point is that it's easy to feel that way. My childhood consisted of very low lows and very high highs that often went hand in hand so, like you, I do sometimes find myself feeling nostalgia towards those moments. But it's more often that I wish I could turn back time and stand up for myself instead of letting things happen.
 
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Spicy Tteokbokki

Spicy Tteokbokki

매운 떡볶이
Oct 11, 2020
249
Definitely. I was suicidal, attempted a few times (pills rip) and didn't have many people or anything, but things were simple. All I had to care about what trying to CTB or get through the day. Nothing else.
 
Custos

Custos

Martyr
May 27, 2024
218
Couldn't tell you, because it's now.
 
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Emerita

Emerita

Time is terminal
Jan 16, 2025
202
Yes sometimes, I find myself missing the period after I lost a friend. During those first few months, life felt like it had come to a pause, and there was a sense of community among the mourners. Although it was a harrowing time, there was something profoundly special about the shared experience of grief. But after some time that pause stopped, and life went on. That moment was gone just like my friend.
 
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getoutgirl

getoutgirl

<3
Mar 17, 2025
396
For a while I isolated completely in my dorm, ignoring calls and texts, weeks without ever going outside, just darkness and the light of the screen. Sure I was feeling like shit, suicidal, too depressed to even do anything about it, just awful, but the world was gone, and I was safe there. I emerged lil by lil, going back periodically until it wasn't sustainable. But even now I have some nostalgia for it, I'm drawn back to that state where I could just give up, wallow in the pain, rot in darkness away from all. It was easy even if I forget how painful.
 
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