Do you wish a family member or friend found your account on this forum?

[sea333]

Title.

Part of the reason I made an account here was because I was hoping my mother or father would find out I was on SS and realize how sad I was and comfort me. That was the reason I used my personal email rather than using an alternative email. I even registered in front of them while we were eating on my phone.

The scenario I was imagining in my head was that my mom would see a suicide forum on my phone, whether it be on my browser history or through the email verification notification or whatever, and then take me out to walk at the local park or get ice cream. There, we would talk, and she would comfort me and make me feel better. Then, we'd go home and do something together. Board game, maybe. It's very childish, but I think something simple like that would make me feel a lot better. I'd feel like a huge attention-seeker if I were to go up to either of my parents on my own though, so I haven't made any move to do anything yet.

What about you? How would you feel if a family member or friend found your account here? Is it something you would feel positively about?

 

[woofwag]

Not really, but I have a friend who I'll be giving access to my account posthumously so they can see all my posts. I have no idea if they'll read anything of what I've written on here. But I figure sometimes people have ways of grieving where they like to see this kinda stuff, so maybe it'll help them understand more why I did it. They love reading and writing and have said before that my writing is important so, who knows, maybe they'll find some peace in the stupid pointless posts I make on here.

Oh and that's a really sweet picture. I hope you're able to have something like that happen.

 

[qwert3948]

i've thought about it a lot before. in the end the true wish is to be seen and cared for, not to be found out..

 

[deny_conformity]

Title.

Part of the reason I made an account here was because I was hoping my mother or father would find out I was on SS and realize how sad I was and comfort me. That was the reason I used my personal email rather than using an alternative email. I even registered in front of them while we were eating on my phone.

The scenario I was imagining in my head was that my mom would see a suicide forum on my phone, whether it be on my browser history or through the email verification notification or whatever, and then take me out to walk at the local park or get ice cream. There, we would talk, and she would comfort me and make me feel better. Then, we'd go home and do something together. Board game, maybe. It's very childish, but I think something simple like that would make me feel a lot better. I'd feel like a huge attention-seeker if I were to go up to either of my parents on my own though, so I haven't made any move to do anything yet.

What about you? How would you feel if a family member or friend found your account here? Is it something you would feel positively about?

I'm not sure it would change me into anyway if a family member found my account, I'm completely non-contact so I wouldn't know. They already knew I was suicidal and not coping and weren't doing anything to make my life bearable.

My housemate (and close friend) knows I post on a suicide support forum but she knows she's unable to help me (I love her to bits but she's about emotionally supportive as a guy ).

I told my friends but they are unable to support me, normal people are a bit of a rabbit in the headlights when it comes to suicidality.

I told my care coordinator and she's concerned but understands my reasons.

I'm here to feel like I'm not alone and to talk to like minded people, I'd like for someone to see it who could affect me, someone who will just cuddle me and sat I'm not alone and they support me but I don't currently have that person in my life.

So yes but also no. I'm here for a reason and most of that is I don't have someone in my life capable of getting me off here.

 

[sanctionedusage]

god no

i lie about small irrelevant details on here to anonymize myself

 

[violetforever]

someone asked this question a few days ago and i said no. while that's still mostly true, i wouldn't mind one person finding this account. it would save me a lot of explaining myself to them. if they read everything i wrote here then they would just know everything. for better or for worse.

 

[whywere]

Well with me having no family nor friends at all, it would never happen.

Except here, I have no friends, as whenever it might be a friendship, they always ask for money or a favor right off the bat which kills it instantly.

Walter

 

[kuroshimi]

Not sure about family member and real life acquaintances, since there are many factors involved (for example, language barrier), but I still have some hope that some of my internet friends will find my presence here and comfort me. I even thought about talk about this site directly with them one day and say that I am actually here. They already know that I'm suicidal and talking with them was actually helpful.

 

[dhk96]

someone asked this question a few days ago and i said no. while that's still mostly true, i wouldn't mind one person finding this account. it would save me a lot of explaining myself to them. if they read everything i wrote here then they would just know everything. for better or for worse.

Same. I can never get across what I want to say or feel in real-time. I'm also too dumb to get it across in writing but what I put in writing is at least more comprehensive/comprehensible than the things I've ever been able to share aloud.

Partly because of emotional distress from having to have that sort of discussion which means I have to face reality in that moment and the mental distress from not being able to say exactly what I want to say because of my near non-existent/ever-dying ability to think, speak, and remember even my own thoughts and emotions. And partly because of a language barrier between me and my parents that 1) doesn't allow me to explain the depth of my despair and 2) keeps me in check because I'm afraid of being misunderstood or having my thoughts/worries/resentments or something like my desire to have never been born taken lightly all because the delivery in my limited vocabulary, phrasing, or tone might come across as shallow, basic, or cringe to people already jaded from having lived a long life but not from being suicidal.

It would save so much time to have someone just print out everything and translate it all to them. And it would feel somewhat cathartic after all the suffocation from being unable to express what I think I want to say.

But...it wouldn't truly change anything. What comes after the lovely ice cream and the walks? They're still going to want me to live. They're not going to 'let me' CTB and they're never going to actually understand the pain because at the end of the day, they won't take away anything from the conversation other than 'I am in pain' and that my pain exists in some form.

Realistically, as we live on, they would probably become more and more desensitized to my pain and quiet pleas for mercy. They'll tell me to grow up. They'll tell me to become an adult. They'll tell me that they've given me enough time to brood and that it's finally time to suck it up like everyone else even though that's not how it works. They'll tell me that everyone dies and that death is normal like they've already nonchalantly done when I tell them to not talk about so-and-so's deaths around me. So why can't I die before them? Why? Why do I have to go suffer until the end and leave like a good kid after their parents? They don't care about me. They care about having lived their regular lives, having created lives to pass time, and then passing when its their time. My untimely death has never been in their plans.

Knowing that it's futile for them to ever understand me no matter how clearly and desperately I express myself in writing hurts more than the suffocation I've felt my entire life from keeping everything in me and being unable to properly express myself.

...On a less serious note, if you're my sister and you're reading this: you suck, man. Thanks for making every day of my life for the past few years stressful and for giving me an ED I hope all your ice cream scoops fall off the cone like that one guy in Lilo & Stitch.

 

[jeevasO-o]

Well yes and no..
But I know they would literally never be on this website. Nobody I know would be here

 

[Sewing]

I don't care. Some people already know, I walk around with visible self harm scars, everyone who knows me knows I'd rather not exist. I don't expect for anything I think or do to really matter or make anyone want to do any gestures for me. If they did, what would it really change anyways?

 

[LonelyPrince]

Title.

Part of the reason I made an account here was because I was hoping my mother or father would find out I was on SS and realize how sad I was and comfort me. That was the reason I used my personal email rather than using an alternative email. I even registered in front of them while we were eating on my phone.

The scenario I was imagining in my head was that my mom would see a suicide forum on my phone, whether it be on my browser history or through the email verification notification or whatever, and then take me out to walk at the local park or get ice cream. There, we would talk, and she would comfort me and make me feel better. Then, we'd go home and do something together. Board game, maybe. It's very childish, but I think something simple like that would make me feel a lot better. I'd feel like a huge attention-seeker if I were to go up to either of my parents on my own though, so I haven't made any move to do anything yet.

What about you? How would you feel if a family member or friend found your account here? Is it something you would feel positively about?

I wish this account will be found once I'm dead or in the future so people understand.
No hope for my family helping though, perhaps friends.

 

[FatGringo]

So they could say, WHY DON´T you get better, like it is magical

 

[Lamentice]

There's no way. I live alone and am estranged from near all my family & don't make friends. If someone did find out and decided to start bothering me about it I'd cut contact with them.

 

[butters.s]

They are not all that IT educated, and worse, they don´t really give a shit

 

[MapleS]

I would get locked in pdych ward and my friend is gfucked. No thank you

 

[lpdsvm]

I think if they find me here, they are also in deep trouble (want to CTB or think about it) haha.

 

[whatisaholemadeof]

I've thought about this quite often, yeah.

i've thought about it a lot before. in the end the true wish is to be seen and cared for, not to be found out..

Yeah you've hit the nail on the head. I don't feel seen.

someone asked this question a few days ago and i said no. while that's still mostly true, i wouldn't mind one person finding this account. it would save me a lot of explaining myself to them. if they read everything i wrote here then they would just know everything. for better or for worse.

I think this is true for me as well.

Wouldn't want most people finding the account and I am still extremely uncomfortable talking openly about what I post here to people in my life. Out of all those people I'd like to think there are two who would be more understanding of my choices.

 

[Always-in-trouble]

Yeah no. My carers already know the reasons anyway so them finding I made an account here without tellingwould piss them off more likely than anything.

 

[Arvayn]

I talk to my friends about what I and others get up to on this site all the time. Family sees me using it and doesn't care; which is how I like it. Literally anyone who knows me personally could take a short look at my account and pinpoint my identity.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i don't think i'd want my friends to see this, they don't know of my plans to ctb and i fear they'd try and stop me or something. i have wondered how it would be if they ever found it though.

as for if my family found my account, well when i think of that it makes the thought of my friends seeing it seem not that bad by comparison. i dont want my friends to see it but i really really do not ever want my family to know i am on here. family seeing it would be way worse, they would not have a good reaction i think. i dont want to think about what my family would say but i do kinda wonder what would happen if my friends found out? family ever seeing it is unlikely because i dont live with them, but i do live with one of my friends so i guess there's some chance he could walk in on me when i'm on the site or something.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

I don't. I say a lot of shit on here that I would never say in real life. I have tried telling people multiple times that I'm suicidal at this point and I've gotten nothing but platitudes, anger and tears and "consider how sad that would make me (the real main character of your life)", and name callings.

 

[ImpairedLowlife]

Friends already know about my suicidality, family wouldn't take it serious or would just ignore it

 

[fuzzypeach]

honestly, no. i want to be able to be open about some pretty shitty stuff ive done and i would not want them to find out.

 

[Cyc]

For now, no, I don't want anyone irl knowing how suicidal I am

But after I die I wouldn't really care. I'd be dead anyways