Do you think your anxieties and fears are actually real or do they just take place as a function in your psyche to cope with your current mental pain?

[noname223]

You know I went through a time period where I was really scared about suicide. I didn't know how to solve my problems. And the problems were very real. Though, I had a strong deterministic view on the future. And retrospectively I can say that things happened that I didn't expect. There happened good and bad things. But also many things I didn't consider. I ask myself if my deterministic view on my life is actually a big problem itself. There is a lot of certainty in my thinking. I think to know what is going to happen. What goes on inside the head of another person? Though, if something else happens I just find excuses why it happened. I rationalize my fear. I tell myself it was smart to be scared all the time. It was smart to be in the position of strategic pessimism. In fact I think this thinking has advantages. It prevented me from trusting the wrong people But it is also a life full of fear. Eventually I get the feeling this isn't a matter of choice. I tried to re-calibrate my thinking. And well members of my former self-help group and my former therapist tried to take advantage of that. And well this didn't help to find more trust in other people/not to catastrophize social interactions. Besides that I think even distancing myself from this cognitive bias to always predict the worst case scenario was just replaced by other biases.

I think not taking life too serious is a good advice. I fought too hard in my life. I fought so much that I almost killed myself because the battles had a nightmarish effect on my mental health. I found a mental state where I am not on the edge of suicide on a daily basis. And I try to build on that. I find myself telling me a lot of different narratives. It doesn't seem to matter whether they are true or not. It is more of a choice whether they have the best impact on my mental health. I think so much about what is mostly going on in other people that my whole thinking is totally distorted. Also the categories in which I am thinking are not rational. There is no ambivalence. I use my thoughts to regulate me. I feel like I am in so much need for a definitive answer that I take any even if it is a horrible answer. Just because I am unable to deal with uncertainty. And obviously all of this becomes a self-fulfiling theory. And actually I cannot do anything about that. But isn't this the same certainty that brought me into this situation in the first place. You know it becomes really confusing. I am waiting for a miracle. And things happened that I considered a miracle in the past. It is insane how fast life can change. For better or worse. Often the good things are not longlasting.

I think many thoughts I tell myself have an inner function in my psyche. The main priority is not what is the truth. lt is not like take a deep breath and wait a second to reflect on it. instead it is more like I am in so fucking much pain and I have so fucking much anxiety that I can't think straight. And then there are all the systemic problems that come along with this thinking and my conditions in general. Though, outside the box thinking is interesting. And I try to be rational. I just need to be friendlier to myself. I am very harsh on myself. But this is all the logic in my head. Maybe I am just fading out other states of my mind because I am in this moment in so freaking much pain. Damn I wish there were no addictive benzo pills. But they made everything so much worse in the longrun.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I catastrophize a lot. I suppose it isn't real in as much as I am dreading a future event that I can't necessarily predict. Although- the outcome is of course possible and- sometimes it even happens.

Dealing with it in that moment is usually easier than I imagined though. Which ought to tell me to stop catastrophizing but then- it can be difficult to change who we are.

I think it does me more harm than good though. While I suppose it might prepare me mentally for the worse case outcome, not knowing exactly how things will go wrong- we can't fully be prepared. Plus- it just means sleepless nights so- less ability to cope with the outcome either way.

I don't think it really does much to ease mental distress for me. It just makes me an unconfident, nervous wreck. When people pick up on that- they will then look for faults I think. I've been told so many times that I'm not confident and it's a problem- for me, for the company I represented.

On top of that is social anxiety- so I will also be many more times unconfident and uncomfortable in my own skin when other people are around. That only does me harm.

Looking back, I'm not sure how I even did some of the stuff I did. College, uni, customer facing and care jobs, running a department. It was excruciatingly bad at times. I feel like I'm nor prepared to put myself through that again. I just hope I can avoid it till I can escape all together.

 

[wine is fine but]

maybe taking a different line to the question you are asking (adhd gets in the way of reading too much )

nothing we feel is real. it is all just what our brains tell us to feel. pain for instance and even pleasure is all in our head. the feeling we get from it is 100% real, but we only feel pain due to one reason. we receive a knock, a scratch, a cut etc. and the point where it happened, sends a signal to our brain telling it how much pain we should feel. the brain then sends the signal back to the injury tell it how much pain it will feel. the brain is an amazing thing and controls everything. we control the part of the brain that controls the pain etc. but finding a way to rewire it, is not that easy and is sometimes impossible for the average earthling

anxiety, fear, confidence etc. are all controlled in the same way. this is starting to get way too deep now for my understanding and ability to explain, but when we are faced with something dangerous, the brain gives us fear, and a feeling of uncertainty which then goes some way to keeping us safe and therefore protecting us. so your original question may very well be answered that yes, it all just takes place in our psyche to keep us safe from harmful thoughts