Do you think you deserve to suffer?

[SoulWhisperer]

A part of me is outright evil so sometimes I feel as if it's all on me, but if we look objectively things feel quite unfair compared to my actual actions.

 

[willitpass]

I believe I deserve to suffer and I actively seek out ways to make my life more painful. I'm currently nauseous as hell after overdosing on laxatives and OTC pain killers like I do every day to cause myself suffering. I'm trying to induce sepsis in a self harm/suicide attempt by intentionally rubbing fowl things into a cut that I am reopening daily. I am restricting myself of any liquids and consuming excessive salt to dehydrate myself. The list of other ways I cause/have caused myself suffering could go on for days. I do anything to make my life worse because I truly and honestly hate myself and believe I deserve war crime level suffering. I don't know why, but it is a long standing believe of mine that I deserve it.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone else, unless maybe a murderer or someone who commits crimes against children. For what ever reason my mind has singled me out as the one and only person who should have to suffer like this.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Of course I do.