Do you regret your attempt?

[PlasticFace]

Do you regret attempting in the past?

I feel like once you attempt to CTB once, its just becomes a cycle until you finally get it. Of course, the ideal attempt would be successful so there would be no more attempts but what if it did fail?

Been a while since a posted here haha, sorry. Thinking about things, lots of things. So much had happened to me recently!

 

[Cress]

Do you regret attempting in the past?

I feel like once you attempt to CTB once, its just becomes a cycle until you finally get it. Of course, the ideal attempt would be successful so there would be no more attempts but what if it did fail?

Been a while since a posted here haha, sorry. Thinking about things, lots of things. So much had happened to me recently!

No it's not always a cycle until you attempt. Statistically speaking the vast majority of people never attempt again. It's also common for someone to attempt and not do anything for several years.

I do regret my attempts or at least the ones where people know about it. The amount of Ostracizing You get from friends and family is quite intense. Most people don't want to be friends with someone anymore who tried to end their life. It didn't happen right away Some people stayed in contact for a while but eventually they distanced themselves from me.

I did have an ex girlfriend that was painfully honest one time Though. She said "why would I wanna be friends with someone who's just gonna kill themselves."

It hurts but it's the truth I guess.

 

[Trismegistus_13]

That's a really, really good question I don't think I've really explored internally before. I don't think I do? Maybe I do? I don't know.

To me, knowing what attempting suicide feels like seems like forbidden knowledge. I think I lost some form of innocence I can never get back by doing it to myself. I also feel ashamed about it because I definitely can't openly share it. I also feel like I have a lower emotional reaction to death and the dying process. I have clinicals at a hospital with cancer patients, and my peers all feel it's a really sad floor, but I feel nothing inside. I don't want to seem uncaring.

But, on the other hand, it's part of who I am. It was an inflection point in my life. In some ways, I think it made me stronger. I know if I could survive my attempt, I can survive pretty much anything life can throw at me. In some ways, it makes me appreciate the time I have in life more than I did before because I am very aware of how limited it is.

In short, I have mixed emotions on it. I think it just is, and has both good and bad aspects to it.

 

[wCvML2]

Yes! All failed attempts made life much worse and increased fear of failure for the next attempt. I would prefer my first attempt being successful or never attempting at all.

 

[liliths]

definitely. living with that failure has been the hardest thing in my life, esp since i have not found any chances to make an attempt with a high chance of success since. i envy those who have managed to heal and recover. it feels impossible for me.

 

[Ash]

I regret failing and the increased sense of being a failure but not the fact that I know I've tried and it's what I wanted. Suicide isn't a question mark in my mind.

 

[lostintheloop]

I regret failing but I don't regret trying. It only made me more certain it's what I want.

 

[KillingPain267]

No it's not always a cycle until you attempt. Statistically speaking the vast majority of people never attempt again. It's also common for someone to attempt and not do anything for several years.

I do regret my attempts or at least the ones where people know about it. The amount of Ostracizing You get from friends and family is quite intense. Most people don't want to be friends with someone anymore who tried to end their life. It didn't happen right away Some people stayed in contact for a while but eventually they distanced themselves from me.

I did have an ex girlfriend that was painfully honest one time Though. She said "why would I wanna be friends with someone who's just gonna kill themselves."

It hurts but it's the truth I guess.

True, this proves suicidal people are often treated much like criminals or political traitors. If it's not distancing, it's close monitoring where you lose all your right to privacy like a prisoner.

 

[lunar echo]

i reget not succeeding

 

[let.me.let.go87]

I regret my last one. Mostly because it was so public. I was in a crisis center. And I jumped the fence. I was actually heading to the overpass to jump… but I found a sawzaw along the highway and a minute or so later I heard a cop behind me shouting "drop the knife!" I tried to run towards the overpass but I'd previously been trying to dehydrate myself to death. 3 days without food or water. I was already over halfway thru so I was weak asf. I tripped. One cop procreated into a dozen cops and I had no idea how. They just appeared. I started slashing my wrist, to no avail. It was rusty as hell. I went for my throat. I kept ripping at my throat with the sawzaw. They tased me three times. I kept ripping the tasers out and the looked at me if I were possessed. It wasn't until the third taser hit me in my chest that I stopped cutting at my throat. But they kept tasing me for like an entire minute. Even tho I said "okay okay I give up" they cuffed me then cut the straps to my $80 loungefly backpack. (Very expensive designer backpack) my husband bought it as an anniversary gift even tho we can't afford things like that. They could've removed the backpack then cuffed me but cops are assholes. Ijs. I regret my last attempt mostly because I worry what if children saw what I did? Y'know? Also because they destroyed my favorite backpack the straps were leather. I still can't bring myself to throw it away. Next time I won't be in public that much I'm positive about. Nowhere cops will think to look for me!!

 

[SVEN]

I'm sorry I failed, is all.

 

[AmericanMary]

I regret backing out of my attempt at the last second.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel regret over having failed the first time around. I wish I had succeeded, but here I am. I understand that a lot of successful suicides only come after one or several failed attempts, but I still feel like shit for not having succeeded the first time around. The again, my first attempt was real pathetic, lol.

 

[m1dn1ghtmyst3ry]

Do you regret attempting in the past?

I feel like once you attempt to CTB once, its just becomes a cycle until you finally get it. Of course, the ideal attempt would be successful so there would be no more attempts but what if it did fail?

Been a while since a posted here haha, sorry. Thinking about things, lots of things. So much had happened to me recently!

I regret that I didn't do it when I had the chance

 

[sometimesoon]

no because I know I can do it

My attempt failed because I poorly tied the anchor. I passed out and would have been gone otherwise if the anchor didnt' fail. Therefore I know I can do it if I get the anchor properly tied

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

Nope I don't regret.

 

[lovedread]

Mmm nah. I just regret not keeping my ass laid tf down.

 

[pyx]

i don't regret it because it made me realize that i am simply not ready yet

 

[Arahant]

Tried three times and it never occurred to me to regret it...

I do deeply regret having faith in psychiatry to help me.
That only made things so much worse. Ruined my self image and future career possibilities.
Had I only gotten help from private practitioners who actually know their stuff, I might have healed a long time ago.